Anyone else feel that being a dad and sole breadwinner is a lousy deal?

[SpareWheel]

DW and I are SITCOMs (single income, two children, oppressive mortgage). I work crazy hours and race back work half-done to see the kids a little bit before bedtime then try to finish off work and fall into bed. At the risk of sounding like a whinger, I feel like I'm becoming a crap employee, crap husband and a crap father all in one - surely I'm not the only one...

[MrsPhilipGlenister]

I am a WOHM and my DH is a SAHD and yes, I feel much the same a lot of the time!

[dressedupnowheretogo]

my dh hates being main bread winner would much rather stay at home with our lo but i only have the potential to earn around 14 grand and couldnt pay te bills with it

but its nice to know that at least you care your not seeing your kids loads or your wife

[custy]

capitalism my friend - at least you will be able to ne day look at your house worth 500k and say " aye, we have a big 500k house, my wife was a lentil weaver and we ate organic"

and your kids will think thats the way to go.

yeah your whinging, tell your missus to stop herb growing and get a job

[GooseyLoosey]

If its any consoltation, both dh and I work, but try both to do it part time so we can spend time with the children. We have both ended up feeling like bad employees and inadequate parents and our marriage has probably suffered. If there is a perfect solution, we have yet to find it.

[Blackduck]

Nope - you are not the only one - I was, until v. recently the breadwinner, and feel that I'm a rubbish mother/rubbish employee and as a partner - well, lets not go there...

[Londonmamma]

My DH feels the same and is working on ways to let him drastically reduce his hours over the next few years. I hope your wife thinks you're a hero!

[SenoraPostrophe]

being sole breadwinner is a lousy deal if it leaves you with no time, just like being sole carer is a lousy deal if it leaves you with no time. But you can be sole breadwinner without working crazy hours. can you not move house?

[MrsApron]

Are you my husband?

i think mine is a hero. and i will be going back to work when dd2 is a bit bigger.

[colditz]

Exp and I shared our childcare out, and both worked 30 hours - I felt like a crap mother, crap employee and crap girlfriend. Goes with the territory of having kids - unless you can devote 24 hours a day to playing playdoh and hangman, you're going to feel crap.

[meowmix]

being responsible for all the money sucks big time. Cannot wait for DH to share this joy with me.

[DaddyCool]

it's worth it to enable dw to be at home with ds.

don't get me wrong, i hate my career but i really do think it's worth it. ds and dw are getting so much more out of life because i stress about work.

staying at home with pre-schoolers is hard work too though (but you know that. i'm not trying to be patronising)

[Nightynight]

I was always the sole breadwinner and it stinks, because life in the UK is now based around 2 average incomes. The hours that you have to put in if you want to advance in most jobs are just crazy.
I am too distracted from my job to advance, and my children are neglected (I am divorced, so no spouse at home with children)

[DaddyCool]

yeah, the hours get me down big styley but i'm trying to make it work.

i work my hours and usually log on or even come back to the office late at night. it kind of sounds crappy but it works for us. or at least, its working atm.

its depressing the amount of hours places require from you if you want to make some really good money.

[Nightynight]

yes, agree wholeheartedly with your last comment

[SpareWheel]

The crazy hours are trying to achieve career advancement at the same pace as those without kids. Although I could change jobs potentially earn less and work less hours, I am reluctant to lose the financial buffer and job security in the meantime...

[HappyDaddy]

Mate, I felt like this a lot when it was me. DW is now main breadwinner and feels like this all the time. Any chance of working from home more?

[DaddyCool]

i know.

and i hate those sad-arse dickheads who do have kids but work 24/7 and expect you to do the same. they really ruin one's life.

[DaddyCool]

i mean, the childless ones i can understand. you try to keep up. sometimes you do ok, sometimes you don't but power to them if thats what they want to do but the ones with kids that expect you to screw up your life like them really get on my tits.

i can never figure out how they do it. they work 24/7, their partners work 24/7. exactly how do they sort out all the many day to day household stuff and still fool themselves they are happy?

[HappyDaddy]

DC my ex boss waslike that. His dp just left him, taking the kids, for a youn ger bloke. Couldn't help laughng, he was one of those "families are for the weak" prats.

[DaddyCool]

and now he's living above a take-away and buying his shoes from the market

[HappyDaddy]

Not quite but his now ex is a millionaire and he wont get a bean.

[noddyholder]

quit whinging

[DaddyCool]

i was actually tipped off by one of the wiser recruitment agents a few months ago.

he told me to concentrate on setting up on my own, no matter the challenge. he says he gets guys between 40 and 50 who have worked hard to climb up the ladder only to get made redundant because they make too much and in the meantime lose their wife and kids. he reckons he gets these guys daily and now they are looking for anything. Any clerical work will do kind of thing.

He was saying you must be ever so careful when you reach a certain age because it could have all been for nothing (or at least, very little)

[DaddyCool]

good on her

[HappyDaddy]

I know loads of people who've been made redundant. All had the initial "oh shit, how will i feed my family now" despair, but ALL of them have moved into completely different jobs / careers and are making if not better money just better lives for them and their families.

Don't discount retraining, there's still a shortage of skilled workers in lots of countries.