Dealing with a hormonal nutter.

(85 Posts)
sicclick Sun 26-Aug-12 16:08:40

I?m at my wits end here ? SWMBO is 8 weeks in, and it?s like someone has flicked the ?insane bitch switch? to the on position.

I reckon I?m fairly useful about the house, but recently anything I do is not up to scratch and anything I don?t do is a sign of my utter selfishness and lack of respect for her.

SWMBO ? Why is there a screwdriver sitting on the cooker?
Me ? I?m replacing the filter in the air vent.
SWMBO ? Why is it still there?
Me ? Cuz I need pliers to remove the hood of the fan
SWMBO ? This is just typical of you, leaving everything at your arse and expecting me to clean up after you
Me ? Eh? I?m not finished yet, I just came out to get the pliers.
SWMBO ? great, more of your crap to clean up ? I?m not your slave you know, this shows how little you care.
Me ? Honey, I?ll clean up when I?m done, it?ll take 5 mins, really.
SWMBO ? That?s you all over isn?t it, Jesus, you have no idea how lucky you are, no other woman would tolerate your shit. ?..cue tears and sobbing.
Me ? (soothingly hugging and stroking head) it?s okay darling, I?m sorry (whilst wondering what I?m sorry for) Look, I?ll get you a cup of tea and move the screwdriver.
SWMBO ? THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH A F?ING SCREWDRIVER- I WISH YOU?D LISTEN TO ME!!!!!!!!
Me- Erm?..????

There are ten to twelve episodes similar to this every day.
As far as I?ve been able to determine he best way to handle it as follows

Never, never say ?you?re being irrational?

Each individual episode is amusing in retrospect ? but the cumulative affect is making home life very difficult.
When I try to diffuse the situation it makes it worse,
when I walk away it makes it worse,
when I make light of it, it makes it worse
when I point out it?s just hormones, it makes it worse
when I try to get to the root cause of the problem ( there doesn't seem to be one ), it makes it worse
I really don?t mind being a punching bag for a few months ? I just don?t want her getting stressed about absolutely nothing.

I really need some feedback from the experienced pov here.

I?m looking forward to Monday, at least in work when people start screaming and swearing I understand why.

sittinginthesun Sun 26-Aug-12 17:34:00

Pictish, it's because she's pregnant. If my DH has something going on in his life that is worrying or stressing him, let alone making him feel sick and generally crap, then I make allowances.

Obviously, if the OP's wife is generally a grumpy miserable cow, then she is out of order, but I do think she's allowed a bit of space right now.

She wasnt like this before. If she had then yes she would be a bully. But considering he massive ordeal her body is going through, I think she can be given the benefit of the doubt for 9 months.

Being pregnant is truely shit at times.

madas Sun 26-Aug-12 17:35:10

pictish- its nothing to do with what he has between his legs, some women have different issues during pregnancy and this sometimes manifests itself in irrational behaviour, she may need to visit the doctors but that may not be easy to get her to do.

pictish Sun 26-Aug-12 17:38:33

It is.
But it doesn't excuse 10 fucking kick offs a day!! That's utterly OTT!

She is either in need of a visit to the GP because that is not normal....or she needs to get a grip of her aggressive behaviour and stop indulging herself. Now.

The advice that says 'let it all wash over you' is disgraceful. Why should he? I fucking wouldn't.

Pregnancy does bring a bit of emotional overwroughtness....but what the OP is describing is very bad behaviour.

I cannot believe you are all condoning it.

*Pictish - to be fair, not everyone has a straightforward pregnancy.

My DSIL had such bad morning sickness in her early pregnancy that she ended up in hospital on a drip, after 12 weeks living on Juicy fruit.

She couldn't even walk on the kitchen Lino without hoifing her guts. She was pretty mental as you'd put it.

I was sick all day every day, all through the 38 weeks. In work, at home, I constantly smelt of sick. To add to the misery I felt like someone had machine gunned my tits. I once fell asleep at a set of traffic lights on my commute home from work, as I was so exhausted. This exhaustion used to escalate everything in my head, I was terrified about having a child. I had a hideous childhood myself.

The last thing I wanted was to have my dh call me hormonal or retaliate to me, or walk away from me. He just used to stay neutral tbf, and nod through it. Then when I'd calmed down he'd do something nice, like bring a brew, or run a bath, or hold my hair out of the toilet bowl. Then I'd apologise and we could talk normally.

The smell of Opium perfume and leather still make me nauseous. My pregnancy ended 7.5 years ago.

MyDogShitsMoney Sun 26-Aug-12 17:44:11

I think you hit the nail on the head yourself op when you said you thought things would change once the baby arrives.

everything changed for your DW the second she pee'd on that stick.

No there isn't an excuse for her to rant and rave whenever she feels like it but be honest, is your life exactly the same now as it was before? Has anything changed for you at all?

Maybe take some time to imagine the thousands of emotions passing through her mind every day.

Have a read through the pregnancy boards, get a glimpse of what it's like for her.

Congratulation btw wink

You do need to talk but listen as well.

Congratulations btw smile

sittinginthesun Sun 26-Aug-12 17:44:59

Calm down, Pictish.

We're actually trying to help.

pictish Sun 26-Aug-12 17:46:07

You're not. You're all trying to tell him that he is obliged to put up with being treated like shit because she's pregnant.
That's not helpful.

madas Sun 26-Aug-12 17:47:09

Yes op congrats it will all be worth it in the end and you and dw will look back and hopefully have a good laugh about it smile

pictish Sun 26-Aug-12 17:52:41

"Remember when you were pregnant, and made my life a total misery for no reason at all, just because you felt like it? Ahhhh...those were the days...hahahaha!!"

What? hmm

colette Sun 26-Aug-12 17:53:43

W I agree with Pictish. Op when she seems relatively calm you should talk to her about these outbursts , maybe she is worried sick/ feeling awful but you can't expect dh to be just take all this abuse. If it was a dw posting with a similar situation there would be cries of leave the ...

madas Sun 26-Aug-12 17:57:10

Or should he make her pay for her complete bastardness? is that what your saying?

pictish Sun 26-Aug-12 18:02:24

Make her pay? What?

Who said anything like that?

The OP writes:

"There are ten to twelve episodes similar to this every day.
As far as I?ve been able to determine he best way to handle it as follows

Never, never say ?you?re being irrational?

Each individual episode is amusing in retrospect ? but the cumulative affect is making home life very difficult.
When I try to diffuse the situation it makes it worse,
when I walk away it makes it worse,
when I make light of it, it makes it worse
when I point out it?s just hormones, it makes it worse
when I try to get to the root cause of the problem ( there doesn't seem to be one ), it makes it worse
I really don?t mind being a punching bag for a few months ? I just don?t want her getting stressed about absolutely nothing."

None of you find this behaviour a concern? Really? If it were the other way round you bloody would!

Stop condoning it as something to be laughed over and minimised for crying out loud!!

pictish Sun 26-Aug-12 18:03:19

Your expectations of this man are ridiculous, people.

24Hours Sun 26-Aug-12 18:11:53

No they're not pictish ..the wife here was perfectly pleasant. Before PG. PG can be awful in. Many ways she' s carrying most of theburde.n for something they both want.do should cut her. Some slck. Its not for a long time considering the payoff. Fo both of them

madas Sun 26-Aug-12 18:12:43

I disagree, many men have walked this path, me for one. Im spartacus

24Hours Sun 26-Aug-12 18:14:37

Damn. This phone! Sorry for typos

pictish Sun 26-Aug-12 18:16:45

Stop excusing her.

This level of confrontational behaviour is not normal. It is not because she is pregnant. None of you kicked off 10 times a day when you were pregnant.

The only way in which this is related to her pgcy is that she thinks she has been handed a licence to behave however the fuck she likes. She is wrong, and so are all of you telling the op to suck it up. How awful!

Elizabeth22 Sun 26-Aug-12 18:22:17

Things may improve after the first scan. The first three months of pregnancy honestly feel like the body snatchers have taken over your body - it is very disconcerting indeed even if you have been pregnant before and expecting it. You really don't feel like yourself at all. However, that is not excusing behaving badly. The other thing is that she may be feeling scared. Really scared. For the past three years having a baby will have been on her mind a lot (understatement!). That's a lot of pressure on her now she is actually carrying the baby - in the first few months all pregnant women can worry that everything will go smoothly. But this is heighten by the fact that you have to completely trust mother nature and your own body to get on with it. You can feel like you have no control over it (really horrible feeling if you are used to having this in all aspects of life, which you normally do) and im guessing that can feel especially scarey if you've had a long time to really think how much you really want something and how much is at stake. These are the sort of strong emotions that are really difficult to know how to put into words. Much easier to go on about screwdrivers in the wrong place. Worth a thought? I could be completely wrong. The hormones do make you go irrational - not a lot you can do about that!! smile

tethersend Sun 26-Aug-12 18:23:30

"Remember when you were pregnant, and made my life a total misery for no reason at all, just because you felt like it? Ahhhh...those were the days...hahahaha!!"

DP says this a lot.

His laugh is slightly more maniacal though.

Nagoo Sun 26-Aug-12 18:25:16

The only advice I can give you OP is to keep your head down and keep telling her you love her.

I remember getting in a MASSIVE row about nothing at all the number of portions of veg in an innocent pot . DH shouted at me. I threw a chair. Afterwards, the only thing I could say was that yes, I was hormonal and bad tempered, becuase I was pregnant. But he wasn't preganant. He wasn't hormonal. For a while at least, humour her. Be the grown up. Just deal with it.

It is the first thing of many things that will make you realise that it's not about you any more. You will have to subvert what you want for the good of your family.

So, yeah, 'suck it up' is my advice too.

madas Sun 26-Aug-12 18:25:28

So pictish, she woke up one morning and thought im going to be a complete bitch for a while. the op states " it?s like someone has flicked the ?insane bitch switch? to the on position. So to me its not a normal state of affairs.

pictish Sun 26-Aug-12 18:27:33

My advice OP is that she needs to see the GP or her midwife asap. It is not your role to be her punching bag, as you desribe yourself. No-one need adopt that role in this situation. Her pregnancy does not entitle her to behave this way, despite how the women on here are trying to persuade you it does.

I do not understand them. I think they are wrong, and you need help in dealing with your wife. Another couple of weeks of this shit and it's going to start to fester badly.

madas Sun 26-Aug-12 18:28:52

My advice OP is that she needs to see the GP or her midwife asap. On that pictish we both agree.

pictish Sun 26-Aug-12 18:29:11

So madas - did you kick off 10-12 times a day when you were pregnant?
No?
Neither did I.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now