TTC after miscarriage

[Maybebaby76]

Hi there

Don't want to start a thread on a negative vibe but....

Just wanted to see if anybody was TTC right now after a miscarriage / recurrent miscarriage? I am, after 2 and at the moment feel like a jekill and hyde...I want to try so much but am so scared. Surrounded by friends that are pregnant and are announcing pregnancy....terrified that it might never be me

[Liney15]

Hi

I read your message and know what you mean. I had a miscarriage a month ago and really want to conceive again. I'm terrified that getting pregnant wont happen again (that that was my chance). Strangely enough though its my DH who is more scared of trying again than me. After seeing me go through that he's scared of it happening again.

I have really bad depressed days thinking I'll never have children - its such a depressing thought.

[Maybebaby76]

Hi Liney

Thank you for sharing. Mumsnet has really helped in comforting me in that I am not alone.

I have really low days too and have read so many stories of people who have gone through the same thing but have come through shining in the end.

I was advised that my miscarriages were just bad luck...it is this that gives me some hope above the fear!

It has to doesn't it?

[Liney15]

You have to keep hoping - I've started taking my temperature now to try and work out the best time of the month. Hopefully that will help me conceive again.

Initally I kept thinking that worse things happen etc but of course you see that positive test you think about all the things that are going to happen - imagining how your life would change - then the miscarriage is like a promise that has been snatched away.

I hope I'll have less bad days as time goes on but I've got to accept them and recognise I'm going to get low for a long time about this.

I could still go back and happily kill the person who did the scan who said "Oh well it shows you can get pregnant" when telling me it was a mmc still get so mad thinking about that!

[Maybebaby76]

Isn't that the most awful thing to hear ,'oh well, at least you know you can get pregnqant', like we didn't know that already

I have been using the 'pee sticks' each month to work out the best fertile days, thay have worked treat, I recommend!

I hope for both of us that the sad days become more glad days, that we will look back at the things that have made us stronger.

Most of all that it will be our turn, no matter how x x x x x x x

[Liney15]

Thanks for that message - the pee sticks made me laugh! I've some of them already (bought them the month I got pregnant and never used them )

I hope that we're both back on here and the pregnance board soon sharing good news...

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

[Patchybob]

Hello, I am new to mums net but since my miscarriage on 14 September have been on here constantly, reading others stories and having a good cry.
We are thinking of starting again, I think the only way I will stop counting the weeks that I should be pregnant, is to get pregnant again. Totally terrified by the thought of it happenning again though.
Good luck everyone xx

[Joy27]

I found that the opposite has happened for me. Following my miscarriage in July, I feel much more "flat" about ttc and have doubted whether we should be trying at all. Was really excited about the whole thing before. Though in theory we are still ttc, I've actually felt quite terrified each month at the thought that I will be pregnant.
I think it's less to do with the idea of having a child (which I would love) but more to do with the fact that, whilst I'm not pregnant, I feel in control of my body. There is so much uncertainty and lack of control with miscarriage, I have found it a relief to know what is going on with my body.
At the same time, something is stopping me from making the decision to stop trying, iyswim.
There seems something so innocent and simple about making the decision to try, trying, then ending up with a baby nine months later. Though I'm sure this doesn't happen for the majority of people, sometimes it feels as though it is.

[Joy27]

Oops- meant to say "it feels as though it does"

[Patchybob]

I do know what you mean. Until you have a mc it seems that pregnancy is so easy. I have 2 dc already and sailed through my pregnancies.

Now of course I know that they were a privilige and in fact pregnancy is not as easy as I thought.

While I am terrified of losing another baby, we will never get that precious baby if we don't try again.

I hope it all works out for you Joy27 and while we are all struggling with lost dreams, we can still dream of the future and the joy it may hold.

[RipMacWinkle]

Joy27 - I could have written your post.

That's how I feel at the moment. We're still there in theory but to be honest, i'm not sure how I feel about the whole thing any more. It's wearing me down.

It's so hard to stay upbeat about the whole thing. Hugs for you... and everyone else on this thread too.

[Joy27]

Patchybob- of course, it's so important to stay positive and keep trying. I hope it happens for you soon x

RMW- It's good to know that others feel the same as me. I just can't connect to the optimistic, almost childlike excitement I had about the whole thing just a few months ago.

It doesn't help that miscarriage is talked about so rarely. I've discovered that several women I know have had a mc- but it just isn't mentioned. When I bring my own mc up with anyone, I feel as though I'm banging on about it.
No wonder so many women feel somehow ashamed about losing a pregnancy. I know I did/do, but I can't explain it.