Trying to not try

[HairyToe]

Ok I posted this as part of another thread (to which I had a fantastic response and am feeling much better) but thought it would be better raised here.

We have been ttc no. 3 since January, was successful in April and had a mmc discovered in June. We've been ttc since and i have found it very emotional and confusing as we have had no luck and my cycle appears to have gone up the spout. So, with period imminent (I think) I have decided to attempt the 'not really trying just see what happens' method - abandoning charting, temping and to try to not think about getting pregnant at all (but to hopefully continue having reasonably regular sex).

The problem is if I'm not thinking about getting pregnant (and not 'trying' iykwim) then presumably I continue to drink, take drugs(medical ones you understand!) eat pate, clean up cat poo, sit in jacuzzis (I should be so lucky) etc etc. If I don;t do these things then surely I am thinking about whether I am pregnant or not (and hence not 'relaxing') but if I do do these things am I putting any pregnancy at risk. And what about prenatal vitamins.

Don't want to sound too obsessive (but then this is the place) but would welcome anyone's thoughts/experience/advice.

[Wishing]

i know exactly how you feel!! i have had a pretty 2 bad months and i was obsessed with everything i did that might be harmful if i was pregnant - i wasnt but i was late each month and though what if i was pregnant but caused an early miscarrige by stressing about what was ok and not ok to do!!! i just thought about all the women who dont know they are pregnant for months and just carry on as normal and everything is fine - and my mum is always saying that they never made such strict guidlines when she was carrying me and i never came to any harm. i think as long as you arent rolling around drunk or taking illegal substances - basically anything that is a risk for you whether pregnant or not!! you should be sound!!

and finally seem i appear to be on one for writing huge posts!! a friend of mine didnt resalise she was pregnant until she had 4/5 weeks to go and everything was fine with her!!

xxxxxxxxxxx

[spats]

I would continue to take the folic acid. I am on antihistamine daily so was paranoid about taking them when ttc as not meant to in pregnancy. I asked to dr what to do an he said up to me!! I now take them as soon as AF starts up until i ovuate and itch for the next 2 weeks!! I must admit between ovulation and AF i hold of nurofen plus but then i am a real worrier about things.

[spats]

I would continue to take the folic acid. I am on antihistamine daily so was paranoid about taking them when ttc as not meant to in pregnancy. I asked to dr what to do an he said up to me!! I now take them as soon as AF starts up until i ovuate and itch for the next 2 weeks!! I must admit between ovulation and AF i hold of nurofen plus but then i am a real worrier about things.

[CoteDAzur]

I agree that the best way to conceive is to stop checking every sign of ovulation and generally obsessing about the whole thing.

I temper and charted for two months, BDed on all the right dates, obsessed, imagined myself pregnant, got incredibly sore breasts towards the end of cycle (first time in living memory) then got AF. Third month, thermometer was broken and I thought I didn't ovulate at all because temp stayed low. So didn't obsess, no sore breasts, just BDed normally. Realized thermometer was faulty on CD 20 or so, when DD was burning up and it still showed 36.5C. And this is the month I got bfp.

Good luck.

[brettgirl2]

I read somewhere that in fact the best time to get pregnant is to have sex before you ovulate. Therefore surely if you obsess about pissing on a stick you have in fact missed the boat.

In the month I got pg particular highlights were going to a bbq where I ate half a raw sausage (I threw the other half away) and drank quite a lot of wine (even worse my MIL came and picked us up lol!)and undertaking high risk sports. I wasn't TTC and I did discuss my erm mistakes with GP - she said that in the very early stages it doesn't matter as much because there is no real cross over to the baby. I was taking well woman vits in the hope it might control my terrible PMT - contains much the same, maybe a way round it? The problem with Pate is food poisoning - when you get to a certain stage your immunuty drops, but I doubt it's before the baby has even implanted.

To be honest I try to avoid medicines anyway unless I absolutely have to take them. Therefore other than the odd paracetamol tablet I would only take things on prescription - if I ended up at the docs then I would fess up that it might be possible.

[Morloth]

We are kind of in this position, have decided to not try to prevent pregnancy number 2.

I have a wonderful DS that I had to work quite hard at getting pregnant with don't want to do that again. So we have decided to go off contraception and just accept what happens.

I take a good women's multi everyday FOR ME and am continuing to live how I like, i.e. wine (and tequila!) when I feel like it, plenty of chocolate heavy duty work outs (see previously mentioned chocolate), steam room, sauna.

Obviously if I DO turn up preggers then will stop the harmful stuff, but I just can't bring myself to put life on hold again, especially given that I am quite happy with just DS if that is the way it is meant to be.

Get a good multi to look after YOU and you should be fine. Lots of women lead less than ideal lifestyles and the bubs are fine.

[brettgirl2]

And I think that it is easy to fixate on the bad aspects of your lifestyle. On the positive side I:

Have a healthy, varied diet (apart from the raw sausage)

Wasn't excessively stressed

Don't take illegal drugs

Don't smoke

(Generally) don't binge drink

Take exercise and am correct weight

I think it's just about balance (and trying to be healthy as you would normally) there will be loads of women I'm sure with far worse lifestyles.