Feeling really broody...need advice

[Tori]

I'm a mum of two - 3.5yrs and 1.5yrs - and have been feeling really broody for about 4months. I thought it would go away but it hasn't. Living in a really small house is stopping us from just 'going for it' but the desire for another is constantly occupying my mind. Has anybody got any advice, please?

[jasper]

Go for it.
I too was desperate for a third. ( More than for a first or second)
Our notions of what is necessary regards space in a house are all relative.
Like many of my generaltion I am one of 4 kids and we all lived in a one bedroomed flat with an outside toilet till the oldest was six and the youngest was two.
If it is what you and your dh want then don't let money/space be an issue.

[anais]

I agree with Jasper. In some cultures families sleep 10 in a bed - our ideas of comfort are very much relative!

If I was physically able to have more (I'm a single mum, so not in the position to atm) I would do so, no hesitation. At the end of the day you are not likely to regret having a child, but you might regret not having one. Follow your heart.

HTH

[GRMUM]

I completely agree with Jasper.I was also desperate for a third.We had a third and I have never felt that overwhelming desperation for any more ( I did feel a bit jealous when my best friend had her third 2 years ago but i became the baby's Godmother instead!)
Space as Jasper says is relative and certainly when they"re young sharing a room is fun.I prefer the thought of a family that has to muck in all together ,rather than one where each child shuts itself into its own room.This is my opinion of course others may disagree.

[jac34]

A few months ago I was really desperate for a third, our house would be big enough and the time would be perfect,as my Ds's go to full time school in September.However,DH was really against it !!!
I've come around to his way of thinking, the last four years have been really hard work, the boys are a real hand full, we have had very little family help and child care has been costly.
Now, we have a little more time for ourselves and each other.The boys have got much easier and my parents seem a bit more keen to help,which I know would stop if we had another.
In fact, they are having them for us to go away this weekend !!
I think ,I'll just enjoy the two I have and try to improve on my relationship with my step DD, rather than let my broodyness take over.
As your DH is keen to try for another, wouldn't he be happy to put up with a little inconvenience, live in a small house.

[EmmaTMG]

I have 2 DS's (nearly 4 and 20 months) and have felt broody since DS2 was about 5 months. The feeling would come and go but by the time he was about 14 months it came and didn't go! My Dh was very happy with what we've got, as I was too but I just really wanted another one and knew that if we had another baby now I could be back out a work within 5 years, whereas if we waited any longer that date would get further and further away.
We live in 3 bed room house, the 3rd bedroom being tiny but we will manage and as everyone else has said space is relative and if that's what you both want then do it, we have and I'm 9 weeks pregnant....Hoorah!

[clary]

Tori, i'm hardly qualified to comment on having three as I only have two atm but am pg with no 3 (eight weeks to go...) so I know where you're coming from. Sounds like you would have a nice gap if you went for it now (and were able to conceive quickly of course). I would all other things being equal gladly have more even than 3 but other practical considerations come into play eg new and much bigger car to seat 6, my age (v late 30s) etc. But I'm really excited to be breaking the mould. Love big families and I know it will be fab. PS Emma congrats!

[Chiccadum]

Can't believe I am admitting this to complete strangers, but, I am broody again after dd2 but dh has said a most definate no to antoher child.. To be honest if dh behaves the way he does now then it would not be practicle as I don't get enough help. So, what do i do, suffer in silence till it passes or be devious. I don'r really think I could do the latter, but on the other hand want another baby. AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

[AngieL]

I already have 3 children but I can't seem to get the idea of having another one out of my head. I just can't imagine not being pregnant again.

I am sure that part of the reason is because I gave up breastfeeding my 3rd too early, she has had a few health problems and I feel guilty. I think I am looking for a chance to put things right and do better by no. 4. Probably isn't a very good reason to have another one though.

My dh doesn't want another one yet, but he isn't ruling it out altogether. I just feel that time isn't on my side. I guess I'll just have to wait an see.

[Chinchilla]

I would love another one if I didn't have to go through the pregnancy again. The memory is still fresh after 19 months. I am slowly getting broody, although ds was a real handful as a baby, and very demanding. I think that if we have any more, it will be when ds is at least 3, so dh can forget the 'bad' times, as he will be enjoying ds's company so much more. I just loved having ds as a baby, except for the fact that I spent the first 3 months worrying. If I could have that time again, I would. I wonder if I just want another so that I can actually enjoy the first few weeks because I am now experienced? I love small babies, and my ds was espeically cute, although I am not biased of course!

[morsey]

EmmaTMG, how did you change your DH's mind? We have 2 - one of each so no excuse there - and he is adamant that this is it. I know he's being sensible, but I have wanted a third since my youngest was born (nearly 2 now) I loved being pregnant, no complications and had 2 very easy babies (paying for it dearly once they became toddlers though!), so maybe that is clouding my mind?
So how do I convince my DH - any ideas?

[mears]

moresy - my dh didn't want anymore after 3, but I told him if we couldn't have another baby, there would be no more sex. He caved pretty quickly

[gosh2]

Tori go for it! The thought of having more than 2 children is delightful. It means you have thought about it and want to do more than the boring old replace myself and my other half. I would like a 3rd. Have got to convince DH though. Like Mears wise suggestion! May have to try that on him!

I am from one of three and it is great having a DB and DS to speak to about things. So much better than just having one sibling to rely upon - I imagine.

[janh]

My argument (for a 4th) was that we had had so much training and practise with the first 3 it would be a shame to waste it!

[EmmaTMG]

Morsey, Well there were many tac-tics I used to try and change his mind all of which were met with his argument about how much hard work another would be and how do you fit 3 car seats into a car, a pathetic excuse I know but apparently the thing that changed his mind was a conversation we had on boxing day. We were driving to MIL house and I bought the subject again, can't remember how but just did, anyway there was a little break in the conversation and DH asked what I was thinking about to which I replied 'you know what I thinking about' and I then said 'I'm always thinking about it.' I had tears in my eyes when I said that and he says seeing me like that made him realise how important it was to me so he changed his mind. I have to admit I didn't realise how important it was to me until those tears appeared.
So that was the way I changed his mind, not much good unless you can cry on demand but maybe if you're an actress you could
Good luck and have fun changing his mind....I like the ways mears changed her DH's mind maybe you can try that.

[witch1]

Mum of three and love it. Example of why would fill pages but I swear it gets bettter and easier every day. If you dont feel you family is complete it probably isnt. We planned for 2 but have loved our 'oops' no 3 without reservation. we have become closer by necessity by needing 2 adults to deal with loads of situations.
Enjoy my arguments with ticket sellers about 'family tickets' and what constitutes a family.

Why not make a list of what you all like doing what you miss what you want from life and then see if you can add a baby/toddler in to that equation over next few years.

We say there are many ways to live a life. Even if it is different to how you planned dont forget it is still life and needs grabbing by the proverbials. Change does not = bad it just = different and often = surprisingly fabulous.

[Honeybunnie]

Another pro for having another baby, the general population is steadily declining so having another will be helping the country

If your family don't feel complete then it probably isn't. Go for it.

I only have one dd, who is 9 months, but I have told dh already that I want 3 or 4 kids in our family. So dh is planning to buy a people carrier for our next car, trust men to think about their cars...tut..tut.

[Lindy]

Can I add a word of caution - great to have another child if you BOTH want one, but I hate to think of partners being 'manipulated' into having another one. My DH would LOVE us to have another child, apart from my age (45) there are no practical reasons for us not to have another, we have a big house, no financial worries etc etc amd he is a great Dad (see good fathers thread!) but I just do NOT want another one; my DH respects my decision but I would hate to think of him putting any 'pressure' on me to change my mind, I am sure it would put a real strain on any relationship.

[Tori]

Thanks so much for everyone's advice! I fell pregnant 'accidentally' in August lasy year but miscarried, so the problem of space became irrelevant really. I really feel like my childnbearing days are not over (I'm only 27 after all) so I think we will just 'go for it'!
Thank you everyone who replied.

[Bozza]

Had a discussion about having another with DH last night. He doesn't want to whereas I am desperate for one. He found the baby stage with DS really stressful although once DS got beyond that he has really enjoyed him.

I find it so difficult that he feels like this because as Lindy says it is such a life changing decision he can't really just go along with it to keep me happy but as anais said you are more likely to regret not having a child than having one.

We live in a four bedroomed detached house so no space issue and although money might be tight for a while I'm sure we'd get there.

To make matters worse I chose a bad time to tell him. Yesterday was my 30th birthday but my lovely grandmother died last Sunday, we had the post-mortem on Tuesday, the funeral will not be until next Monday, we've got Mother's Day between now and then and I spent half of the day stressing about a babysitter for DS for the funeral. So obviously given that I'm pretty emotionally vulnerable at the moment it was not a good time to bring up another issue but I did.

[Lindy]

Bozza - so sorry to hear about your grandmother, I was also extremely close to my grandmother (I used to live with her 3 days a week as my mum was a widow, out at work) she died 4 years ago and it was a huge loss - so lots of sympathy to you.

You know my views on having more children, I would leave it a while, perhaps your DH will 'think it over' in his own time.

Good luck whatever happens.

[star]

Bozza how difficult for you.Keep at him and he may just give in to please you.Keep saying how lovely it would be for ds.How against it is he?There's no time like the present while ds is still little is there?Try to catch him at his most relaxed and coax it out of him as to exactly why he is against it.
Sorry about your grandmother.Dh's granfather is the only one of our granparents left and he's well into his 90's.It'll be so sad when he goes.

[Bozza]

Thanks for the kind words it has helped, I think. I am on a more even keel this week and am glad I have got it out in the open and we've discussed it. I'm not sure how against it he is - I was just surprised that he was more against it than I had thought.

I am trying to leave it low-key for now. We had a moment when we were discussing someone getting a people carrier and DH joked that I'd be needing one if I got my way and I responded that my Fiesta would be fine.

Lindy I feel you are right and against my own wishes I am trying to respect his view point and will not have any little accidents in that area (unless genuine of course). But don't suppose there is any harm in trying to persuade him.... I do feel that as far as timing is concerned it has greater effect on me than him (ie my body is affected by the pregnancy, my career is basically on hold working 3 days a week etc).

Acutally I think the current timing would be quite good financially. DH's promotion (with salary increase) takes effect today, by next year DS will get nursery grants etc.

I think Star I will talk to him again. I think there is more to be discussed yet - so will wait until he's had a good round of golf or something.

[Emskii]

Can anyone help, im 35 and feeling terribly broody even though i have 3 gorgeous children already, am i being greedy when their are so many ladies out their that would be more than happy with 1 child, is it an age thing worrying i am getting past it, or are these feelings genuine. My hubby just thinks im going mad.

[SquidgyBrain]

Emskii

no - you are not mad there are a few of us ttc4 there is a thread if you want to come and join us

[Emskii]

Thanks, was hoping i wasnt. Ive got to try and convince the hubby i think that will be a big job Help!! As he says our youngest at 3 years is just getting to an easy age but to be honest ive forgot how hard the sleepless nights were, looks like he hasnt dam dam.