Have any of you convinced your DP / DH that another baby is a good idea?

[youcannotbeserious]

My DH is adament we're not having any more kids (we have one DS) but I'd love to consider having another.

I loved being PG and adore my DS........

How do I go about trying to convince DH it would be OK? Haven't said anything other than 'I'd love to have another' which is met with a loud and very clear: NO........

Should I just drop it?

I do the vast majority of childcare, so that's not too much of a problem, but my DH works to support us, so that's an obvious concern of his (he has two DDs too)....

Has anyone any experience of this? I'm feeling a bit unreasonable, because we'd pretty much decided not to have kids (DS was not planned) so to start banging on about a second child seems unfair, but on the other hand, I'd love to consider another baby....

[arfishy]

I had this problem with DP, I think it is partially down to having children from a former marriage.

It's also understandable why you want a second.

Have you asked why he doesn't want another?

With DP it was because he felt 4 would be too many (2 from former marriage, one between us) - I only had one though and it wasn't enough.

I think he was also concerned about supporting us all, especially because before DD I earned more than him.

In the end he agreed to another when he finally realised how much it meant to me - I told him that it really wasn't fair of him to limit my life in that way after I'd spent my 20's looking after his sons (not that I don't love them dearly) and that now it's my turn.

I still haven't had another though! I'm not convinced our relationship is strong enough, but having his agreement is enough for me right now.

I hope you sort things out, it's very important you do so or your relationship will suffer.

[MKG]

I convinced dh when I told him I was pregnant with dc3 on Wednesday . There was no discussion needed.

Give it time and enjoy your ds for now. If you still have the desire in a few months revisit the idea.

[youcannotbeserious]

Ahh.. Wise words, MKG....

Wise words indeed. thanks, YCBS

[schneebly]

The only thing you can do really is to be honest with him and hope that he is sympathetic. I convinced my DH a few months back but he is very easy going and wasn't 100% opposed to the idea. I just said to him that I had been thinking a lot recently about wanting another baby and I was really upset at the thought that I would never have another and that if we were to have another the best time to do it would be now because of future plans (I am starting a part time course which will hopefully lead me to the start of a good career in 4 years time). Good luck.

[schneebly]

and yes agree with MKG - give it a while and really make sure it is what you want. By that time he may have changed his mind anyway.

[Trebuchet]

My Dh has such a bad memory, when I told him I was pg I said, "remember we talked about it, you said lets do it! Gooooood your memory!!!" To be fair I genuinely did think we had discused it and later remembered it was a weird dream I'd had Still haven't fessed up but he is quite happy so whats the harm.....??

[bealcain]

i had to fight for my ds2. I had a coil at the time which was being removed and we forgot.....he seemed to think that a mistake could be solved, i'm against termination just for the sake of it, so that was our decision made, but this time (i'm 36weeks with dc3) it was a 'mistake'. i just didn't make any comment about lack of protection (if you know what i mean) not very fair on him, but he's excited now. it was hard in the beginning with him banging on about how hard i'll find it with 3 under 3 and all that, but all his arguments were about me. How hard i'd find it, nit him so in the end he gave up as it's my decsion to stay at home etc.

I know plenty of women TTC without partner even knowing!!

[lou031205]

Ohhh ME, ME, ME

I have 2 DDs and DH was adamant that we were finished our family . After a couple of 'accidents' last month, I had really strong pregnancy symptoms. But negative tests. The suspense held on because I was still feeding DD2 (10mo) loads, so no periods. This gave DH time to realise that he would quite like it if the result was positive.

What I wasn't expecting, was that he has said that he didn't really feel he was complete, but was just worried about money. AND HE WANTS TO TTC!!!!

For him, it was just a case that once he thought I was pregnant, he realised that he really would have liked me to be, as long as he didn't have to be 'responsible' for it - ie. the fact that we just didn't get round to a condom was just one of those things, rather than actively not using one.

From there, it wasn't a massive leap to think of actively trying. In fact, he has said that if we are going to have three, we may as well have the four we always talked about before we were married!!

[lou031205]

I couldn't have tried for a baby without DH knowing, because I would have felt that I had forced it on him.

I really didn't expect him to feel the way he did - he seemed so adamant.