how do I get my head round this TTC business?

[pinkmook]

Dont know if anyone can help but I feel like I am driving myself really insane with this whole TTC thing.

I know I need to back off from it all a bit but I have this horrible low level feeling of panic bubbling away and I feel like it will never happen. Husband has sperm issues and Its looking like I also have some fertility issues as yet unclear though.

Most situations I can talk myself round in my own head to be more reasonable/less screwed up about a given issue but with this I seem to not be able to control it

So please someone tell me what you said/say to yourself to stop the obsessive side of you going crazy and to deal with the pain every month when you find, again, that you are not pregnant.

[JossStick]

Bumping for you Pink.

[pinkmook]

Thanks JossStick x

[pinkmook]

Maybe there is no answer - probably stupid of me to post this but I am genuinely struggling. I find it hard to even go on the TTC threads as after a few days it makes me feel worse to be talking about it (TTC)

[herbaceous]

I know just what you mean, pink. I've been doing it for four years now, with four miscarriages, and sometimes I thought I was going to go utterly insane. Obsessing about supplements, EWCM, temperatures, timing, etc etc. But I think our brains have a safety switch. At a certain point, just when I think I can't obsess about it any more, the switch clicks, and I can think about other things.

Staying away from mumsnet helps, too!

[pinkmook]

I think you are right herbaceous - I really think I need to stop being on here so much! I dont often post on the TTC threads as I said they just make me feel even worse but often lurk

I am going to try not to look on here for 24 hours how sad am I?? if i can manage that i will go for another 24 hours and so on.

Wish me luck! x

[MrsTittleMouse]

I ended up having counselling. She was a specialist fertility counsellor (and wasn't cheap), but it only took 2 or 3 sessions for me to start seeing sense again. We dealt with two issues - one was the fact that I was convinced that I would never be pregnant, and the other was the fact that I wasn't coping with the rollercoaster of hope and despair each month. So very similar to you, pinkmook. Could that be an option?

[pinkmook]

How much did it cost if you dont mind me asking mrsT? I may be able to stretch to it if it only takes 2/3 sessions?

(my 24 hours off mumsnet went well didnt it

[Cookiemg]

I understand completely what you are going through. If TTC was a job I would have handed my notice in by now! I too think that I am driving myself mad. I work part time in a really slow job and there is way too much time to think. I try not to talk about it with friends and my DH as they can be sympathetic for a while then it just becomes a drag. I worry that I obsess so much that I will flip one day go on a bender and just not bother.

Making sure that you have a full life and should ease the pain and make time pass faster. I think though that we just have to live with this until it decides to lessen.

[MrsTittleMouse]

Oh boy, it was over 2 years ago now and my memory is a bit shot. I think that it was about 50/60 pounds a session. Enough to make me wince when I wrote the cheque! We had private fertility treatment though, so I suppose in the grand scheme of things it wasn't really that much.

[pinkmook]

Yep cookimg - feel close to flipping sometimes too! Talking to people usually gets me the "just try and relax" "be thankful for what you've got" style response or "have you had x,y, z" tests and doesnt really help although I do appreciate people trying to help IYSWIM.

I have been signed off work for 2 weeks partly due to this but also back problems and am dreading going back but also dread staying off longer as my company basically ring you every couple of days "supportively" to try and encourage a return to work and I cant face discussing it with my line manager

[pinkmook]

Thanks MrsT where did you find a specialist fertility counsellor (sorry if thats an obvious one - brain fried)?

[MrsTittleMouse]

From the fertility specialist that we used. We had been to see her together to work out what we wanted to do after we had the diagnosis (treatment/adopt/childfree). I would recommend her, but I'd rather not give away the location and give clues to my RL identity (and to be honest I am 99% certain that you won't live near her). But if you like you can post where you live, just to make sure.

[pinkmook]

I live in the manchester area

[MrsTittleMouse]

Sorry, my counsellor wasn't near you at all. I do hope you find someone who works well for you though.