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Conception

What do you wish you'd done before having children?

91 replies

MrsFogi · 17/11/2004 13:15

Is there anything you wish you'd done/done more of before having children and are now going to have to wait, until they are a bit older/have flown the nest, to do? I ask in an attempt to keep my chin up while ttc. I seem to be putting my life on hold (e.g. not organising skiing hols until the last minute just in case, not changing jobs so I don't lose maternity benefits etc.) and as I've been ttc for 19 mths now I figure I should maybe use this time to do things that I (or dh + I) won't be able to do once we succeed (fingers, toes and everything crossed!). So someone please give me some ideas for big or little plans that wouldn't be possible with kids to take my mind of ttc and to get on with life in the meanwile!

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popsycal · 17/11/2004 13:16

holidays to far flung destinations - seen more fo the world

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JoolsToo · 17/11/2004 13:17

No - I'm happy with my life

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zephyrcat · 17/11/2004 13:18

I think the only thing i wish we had done is had a couple more holidays together first - we were only together a year before deciding to have our first and our only holiday together was me taking him on a tour of the scottish highlands (which was admittedly amazing!) On the other hand though i really look forward to holidays with our children so we can teach them about different countries and different cultures

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listmaker · 17/11/2004 13:19

I'm with popsycal - wish I'd visited more places because travel to far flung places with little ones is a nightmare!

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sobernow · 17/11/2004 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DillyDally · 17/11/2004 13:20

appreciated sunday morning lie ins surrounded by papers you can read after waking up at 11am [wistful emoticon]
gone on safari as you cant take children under 12
decorated the house properly, as painting with babies is a no-no

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pesme · 17/11/2004 13:20

Treking in the himalayas. Visit Argenina & chile. Go to dance classes with dh. Hopefully I will do these at some point but not really practical right now.

And have lots and lots of late nights followed by big lie ins. Good luck ttc.

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stickynote · 17/11/2004 13:26

dillydally - do a self drive safari - great fun!

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XenaWP · 17/11/2004 13:27

well, for a start, don't put off skiing hols! I went 4 months pregnant, skiied gently, everyone here thought I was mad, everyone over there (Switzerland) didn't bat an eyelid. spend as much 'quality' time as poss with dh, have lots of sex (for fun - not ttc! & in the daytime & all over the house ), cuddle, lie in, do a scuba-diving course together, go trekking, back-packing, do non child=friendly places, New York - have the whole SATC experience, do a weekend of rally-driving / pampering in a spa. visit the British Library, art museums, go to the theatre & the cinema, don't watch any dvds or videos (that will come later...) go out to dinner,
oooo, I could go on!

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beansmum · 17/11/2004 13:28

I wish I had decorated my bedroom, it's never going to get done now! I peeled off the wallpaper while I was pg and that's as far as I got.

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stickynote · 17/11/2004 13:30

beansmum, do it NOW before he starts moving!!

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sallystrawberry · 17/11/2004 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pidge · 17/11/2004 13:42

Definitely recommend holidays - they're wonderful with kids, but very different! Pick some places that would be tough to do with a babe in tow and just book them.

I wish my career had been more sorted out - but that's a tough one, because I don't really regret any of my decisions. I did a PhD so didn't start a job until age 29, then had my first child at 31. I didn't much like my company, but didn't move because like you I wanted the maternity benefits - in those days you had to put in two years to get full cover. It's got better now.

But bear in mind that it can get harder to move jobs after having kids. I have gone part-time and when I contacted recruitment consultants in the male-dominated world of IT they said there was no way they would be able to find me part-time work - loads of full-time jobs going. So I'm still with the same company. Things have improved vastly and at the moment I love the project I'm working on, but if I'd been aware how stuck I'd be I might well have moved before having my dd.

The one thing I'm glad we did a lot of is theatre-going, opera-going, cinema-attending. That kind of stuff gets so much harder to organise.

Good luck with TTC ... really hope it happens for you soon.

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MrsFogi · 17/11/2004 13:43

This is making me feel better already - dh is going to die when I anounce that I'm planning a load of hols and that we're getting rid of the dvd player! He's trying to work out what sensible car we could buy in the hope that we'll have babies to put in the back seat but I'm now considering spending the money going on hols (or getting a sports car while we can!).

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CountessDracula · 17/11/2004 13:44

don't be put off himalayas either - we are taking 2yo dd to Shimla early next year!

Don't think there is much really as travelled a lot before had dd, plus she took 3 years to conceive so we were well ready for her!

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Nikkichik · 17/11/2004 14:00

Oh God, so much I don't know where to begin. As with Zephyrcat I wish dh and I had been away together more and seen more new stuff before dd arrived - even camping would have been nice! Although it probably wouldn't have happened anyway cos' dh doesn't like flying!! Just after we got married we moved house to a place that needed lots of doing up and with money being in fairly short supply it all took a long time! - dh was still tiling the kitchen when we bought dd home from hospital - lucky him could escape the crying for a while!!! Did go away to Spain with friends when I was 12 weeks preg but I was so stressed out about the work we were having done in the house and feeling so crap that I didn't really relax until the day before we came home!! DD now 2.9 and we have since had one holiday to the Isles of Scilly (went there on our honeymoon - a totally beautiful place!) with my parents which did actually go pretty well, so might do it again!
Don't put off the skiing - if you get pg just do it gently!
Go to the cinema lots or hire films for cosy nights in - it was about 9 months before we could watch a film all the way through!! - ether cos of dd waking up or falling asleep half way through ourselves!!
Ditto for reading books - sleep becomes so much more important!
Ditto for snuggling and sex - you will be too knackered later!
Maker sure you tell your dp/dh how much they mean to you now -
Have long leisurely meals together or with friends.
Pamper yourself
I make it sound such fun don't I? Having said all that dd has made our lives/relationship so much better in other ways.

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aloha · 17/11/2004 14:15

Go to New York! Had two fab weekends there shortly pre ds. Lie in. I don't need to tell you to have sex. Enjoy having your prepregnancy body. Go out to dinner on a whim. Go somewhere glamorous and far-flung. Stay out late drinking in glamorous bars and lie-in in the morning. Indulge your impulses. I did all these for some years and now feel very happy as a mother, so it does work.

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iota · 17/11/2004 14:21

I second aloha - indulge yourself, get that 2 seater open top sports car, pamper yourself, eat out in nice places, holidays, party party party and SLEEP LATE. My dh learnt to fly pre-kids, but I won't let him fly now ( well he doesn't want to take the risk either)

Being and older mum I have been there, done that and got the T shirt as far as self indulgence goes and now I'm happy to put the kids first for a few yrs.

Also if you get the chance after all this self-indulging, build up some savings and/or buy the family home you will need. Money is always useful if you want to give up work and be a SAHM

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Tessiebear · 17/11/2004 14:25

Travel

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Gingerbear · 17/11/2004 14:40

I am glad that I did the following:
Backpacked round Australia and SE Asia
Spend a vast fortune on Scuba diving in lots of far flung places
Went trekking in Northern Vietnam
Travelled abroad with work A LOT
Had spur of the moment weekends away to visit friends / European cities / art galleries and museums.
Went to several Music Festivals where I spent the entire weekend either drunk or covered in mud
Had sex in the great outdoors
Went to Health farm for pampered week

To be honest, there is not much that I regret I haven't done. A few lazy Sunday mornings or more nights out would be nice now.

Oh, and as soon as DD can use a mask and snorkel, we intend to go off diving again!!

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lou33 · 17/11/2004 18:18

travelled round the world, shared a flat with my best friend, gone to college

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Uwila · 17/11/2004 18:24

Got on the prperty ladder. Still renting cause need bigger house too much debt to buy too much ££ spent on nanny to save and ££. Should have got on the property ladder years ago. Hind sight is 20/20.

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treacletart · 17/11/2004 18:40

I wish I'd considered a career with easier part-time or child friendly working hours - and wish I hadn't dismissed teaching and journalism as too badly paid. Working hours just weren't on my list of prorities before parenthood - now they're near the top.

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essbee · 17/11/2004 18:44

Message withdrawn

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Angeliz · 17/11/2004 18:45

I wish i'd realsied how FREE i was!!
(Not that i would have it any other way, just you don't appreciate it until you realise it's gone!!)

IYSWIM!!

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