Everyone is announcing they are pregnant!

[Cosmogirl]

Hey ladies,

Just looking for some thoughts on a subject really.
I've been with my DH 7 years and married for 2 and a half. Me 25 him 29.
We want children but haven't made the step to try yet.
However, lots of friends, work colleagues etc have recently announced they are expecting and these are couples who have either been together less time than us or married less time. I know all couples are different etc and there are many factors involved, but the announcements keep coming and it is making me wonder - are we weird to wait? Everyone else seems to jump straight into the decision....
Any thoughts would be appreciated xx

[belgo]

no of course you're not wierd to wait! Dh and I were together more then 7 years before we had children - in that time we travelled, passed exams, earned money.

[belgo]

I was 27 when I had my first, I'm glad I waited until then, but also glad we didn't wait any longer.

[CaptainCaveman]

You should do whatever is right for you and your dh. We were together 10 years and married for 5 before ds came along. Each to their own and all that!

[Cosmogirl]

Thanks for your thoughts....I know that you are both right but still for some reason when I hear yet another pregnancy announcement I get these weird emotions about it - maybe it is jealously! Who knows....

[doggiesayswoof]

No not weird at all. You've been together a while, but you are both young so no rush I'd say. Needs to be the right time for you and your dh.

[CaptainCaveman]

I was ready WAAAY before dh mind you! He was the sensible one who wanted to wait until we were financially better off.

[digitalgirl]

me and my dh have been together 12 years, coming up to 3 years married. I'm 29 and he's 35, none of my girl friends are anywhere near announcing pregnancies (still waiting for someone else to get married!). You're not at all weird to wait, although you may be getting broody before you're ready - that's fine, I was broody last year - but definitely wasn't ready.

If you're like me and some of the other ladies on this board, you'll know when you're ready because there it's an all-consuming obsession that goes off like a switch in your body

hth

[Cosmogirl]

Hi DG, I think you make a good point...feeling those maternal broody feelings but I know now is not the right time...a year on - maybe?...I will be 26 dh almost 30, so bit older and wiser.

[nomoremagnolia]

DH and I had been married 3 years (together 4 1/2) before we were ready to even think about kids - it took another 6 months before I came off the pill to start trying. We were the first amongst our friends to get married (we were 24 and 25 at the time) and everyone spent the first two years asking when we were going to have kids - now they've given up asking It's odd when couples who have been together less time than yourselves start announcing pg's but at the end of the day your life is yours, not anyone elses. the pressure is there from family and friends (esp in the first couple of years after marriage) but do what's right for you.

[nomoremagnolia]

oops - we were 23 and 24 - how time has flown!!

[Cosmogirl]

Yep, you are right. For some reason I am one of those people who cares too much what other people think but really, you've just gotta go for it when it feels right. I do think though that the couples that rush it can end up in trouble - you need enough time together alone before you bring little people in to the equation.

[nomoremagnolia]

Well I'm glad we waited, I really wasn't ready for the first few years and I'm not sure DH was totally ready even once we started ttc. However I do now have that 'longing' that DG mentions - and I'm not a maternal/mumsy type of person at all, so it's quite odd what your body/mind does to you!

[nomoremagnolia]

We're now on cycle 22 of ttc and DH is just as upset as me when AF arrives - I think men take longer to 'come to terms' with stuff like that. Having said all that I've said this might sound contradictrary but as it's taken us so long to ttc (and we still haven't managed it) I do now try to 'warn' friends that once they decide to ttc that it's not a guarantee of a baby within a year once you decide to start trying and it can take a long time. (Does that make sense or am I rambling??)

[Cosmogirl]

Yes, that makes perfect sense. Having read a lot of the threads on this board it has really made me realise that getting pregnant isn't something you just decide to do - then bam it happens. That's why I think I want to go for it sooner rather than later because it could take longer than we think.
Sending you lots and lots of luck. Sounds like you and dh are in completely the right place to be parents x

[nomoremagnolia]

I would just suggest that you come off the pill (if you're on it) or other hormone contraception a few months before you want to start ttc as then you'll learn what your natural cycle is. A friend of mine came off the pill a year before wanting to start ttc and didn't have her AF for the whole year
She's been diagnosed with PCOS before even officially starting ttc. If she hadn't done so that would have been a whole year of ttc that she'd 'wasted' before being diagnosed with PCOS (again, please say if this doesnt' make sense!!)
Thanks for your kind words

[Cosmogirl]

I was planning to come off it for 3-6 months to, as you say, get to know my cycle etc.. I've been on pill since I was 17 - almost 8 years - so barely remember what my periods were like. Maybe good to come off for longer before properly trying? Just a bit unsure of what other contraception to use during that time... I guess also coming off it would seem quite a big step but if we are looking at properly trying towards the end of next year, it's something we'll have to think about...

[cityangel]

I agree each to their own. Enjoy your lives and their happiness. If you want kids just sit down and talk through your general plans, kids or not, timing etc. with your partner From a female fertility point of view you have time.

Only thing I would say from personal experience is that don't try and time it with military precision. If you want kids think about how many and the gap between the two, three etc.. So be prepared for it to happen straight away but also allow time for it to take time to happen eg. 12 months+

It can be useful if close friends have kids at a similar time. However, it's important you're both in agreement and ready. It might work out that you have your first when they are having their second children.

I was on the pill for 11 years and have been actively trying 13 months and I'm 31. I always suggested to dh that it could take longer but secretly always expected it to happen after a couple of months now its taken longer I really wish we'd started years ago, because I reckon we could have handled an unexpected pregnancy better than lack of fertility...

I wish you luck

[Cosmogirl]

Thanks for your comments City Angel - that's really interesting. It is a tough call though and there are just so many factors involved. I suppose the bottom line is that I don't have that all consuming desire yet, which I guess tells me I am not ready to be a mum yet. My friend who is 27 and married for years (no kids yet) said that she went through a really broody stage two years ago but now feels the complete opposite. I guess you just know when you know - or you get a surprise! xx

[Cosmogirl]

meant to say friend has been married three years x

[pixie04]

I'd say don't worry about others announcements, everyone should do it when they are ready for, some people that's younger and in others its older. I don't think there ever a perfect time because its one of those things.

All you can do is wait until you and your DH are ready.

[Excitable]

When I was at school, I had an idea that my friends and I would all have boyfriends at the same age and the boyfriends would be the same age, we'd all get married at the same time and have babies at the same times too. I'm not sure where I got this idea from, but it's amazing how difficult I find this idea to shake off, even at the age of 31.

I'm STILL amazed that I have friends (whisper it so no-one can hear) OLDER than me and that just about all my oldest friends now have babies (or toddlers, or children...) when they all said they were never having children and I wanted to have five. How did this happen? I'll tell you how it happened - I had FUN!! My life has been fantastic and I've hardly turned down a pub or a party invitation at all. I'm not suggesting that people with children don't have any fun, but I've done things that I couldn't have done with children and it just felt like I had a lot of that to get out of my system!

We've been together now for a total of 12 years and been married for 7 of those, so we really have waited. It wasn't really all my idea, I've been dying to have kids for quite some years now, but I know that my DH was right and that those years were actually well spent.

I say make everyone wait until you're ready, cuddle their babies and enjoy handing them back when they cry.

[suss]

You should wait until you are ready, but then there is a double edged sword - if you wait too long and have problems you may not leave enough time for it to happen. We got married I was 28 dh 34 and we started trying straight away. We discovered that we had a problem and needed IVF, although I got pregnant the first attempt, I MC'd and I didn't take home my DB until I was 35 - seven years later. So my take on the whole subject is wait until you are ready but don't leave it too far into your 30's.