How do you manage the monthly disappointment?

[Portlypenguin]

Dear people,

I have a lovely DS aged just 3 and we have been TTC#2. In 2ww of cycle 4 now. I know it is a very short time but last time we conceived ( by good luck) on cycle 1 so i am inexperienced at waiting. I have had one v early miscarriage recently (feb).

Any tips? I seem to convince myself i am pregnant every month and then am not.

All of DS' little buddies already have siblings and people keep going on about our bigger gap. It was a work/stress/mood related gap decision which was inevitably but now i feel guilty for some unknown reason and like it is my fault i am not pregnant yet.

I know we are lucky to have one child and there are many of you who have been ttc for much longer - perhaps it just gets a bit less disappointing with time.

Advice or just 'cope with it' statements welcomed!

[chelsbells]

Chocolate, wine and cuddles with DH!

We've been trying for a while now with no luck, so I try to keep myself busy during 2ww and when AF does arrive, it's a night in with the above and then getting geared up for another month.

Hopefully you won't have to wait much longer! Good luck!

[Morganlove]

Some months are easier to deal with than others, no rhyme nor reason as to why, but this is what I've felt. Some months I could just crawl away and not come out for days, others I just shrug it off.

It helps to try and focus in doing something 'different' the next month, handy if it doesn't take long, hard to find new things when it's coming up to two years as it is for me.

Also, I tend to make sure when AF does come (as it does every month without fail it seems), I do something I wouldn't be able to do if pregnant - eat stinky blue cheese, pate, drink a nice bottle of wine, etc.

Keep talking to DH too, it's team work and you need the support of each other. If you can confide in friends too this helps, but you do have to get some to tame the 'is there any nice news?' questions from time to time!

Hope this helps? x

[LIG1979]

I make sure I have things planned for af time that would be a pain if I had just got a bfp. usually involving .

I hope it isn't too long till you get a lasting bfp.

[Portlypenguin]

Thanks. I think the doing things you can't do whilst pregnant sounds a good idea!

[KeepSmiling83]

We're in the same position as you. Fell pregnant very quickly with number 1 and second time round nothing has happened yet. Everyone around me seems to be pregnant too!! No help but you're not alone!

[BobsyBoo]

I'm in the same position 18 months of disappointment! Always found a reason to convince myself that this time I am, I think it's because we want it so much we convince ourselves we are. Fell pregnant with DD without trying & she's about to turn 4 so I'm really worried about the age gap. Every time my AF starts I get so angry & upset then there are pregnant people everywhere! Its great to talk to people going through the same thing.

[impatienceisavirtue]

I'm not sure I can anymore. Just hit the one year mark, had two mcs in between, and I'm getting to the point where I can't keep putting myself through this.

It's awful, isn't it? You spend half your cycle obsessing over ovulation and the second half convincing yourself this will be the time it happens.

[MaGratgarlik1983]

I really like your advice about doing something not able to do if pregnant - wine especially sounds like a plan! Just got my AF this morning. I feel so sad - I don't know how to really cope with the disappointment. It's so hard as well isn't it because you can't tell people at work why you're upset, there's babies everywhere - this forum is a lifeline ladies!!

[Sammy89]

Hi all, I'm a newbie to mumsnet. Hubby and I have been ttc for seven months now, for our first -no luck yet! Feels good to know other people struggle with the monthly disappointment- really like the advice of doing things you can't when pregnant! That's got to help!
This forum is fab- I'm 25 and there are just babies and pregnant ladies everywhere I look! :S Some days I really struggle with it all.

[Portlypenguin]

My period is due this coming sunday so about 8dpo and yet again i am feeling symptoms. This time its sore boobs and eating lots of crisps (food i usually eat when ill or pregnant). This could all = premenstrual mastalgia ams cravings for junk tho!
Luckily dh feels it doesnt matter how long it takes, but it is hard to explain my feelings about it!

[Hakluyt]

I remember my brother trying to explain to me what it felt like to be trying for a baby when they both had very low fertility. We had lost our father the pervious year and he said "It's like your father dying every month" I've never forgotten that- and it was more than 20 years ago.

[Sammy89]

How do people deal with things like hearing about friends getting pregnant and all the baby stories? A close friend of mine had a baby back in April and I am thrilled for her, but at the same time I find it really hard. She is always rattling off stories and it's hard not to get a bit bitter about it sometimes :(

[fattycow]

Sammy, I find it hard on, but it also fills me with positive thoughts. If they can have one, so can I! Especially since I know 4 ladies in the past year with PCOS that are pregnant or have a baby. Makes me feel confident that it will happen for me too, as I don't suffer from that condition and have better chances of getting pregnant anyway.
I don't know if I'm explaining it right, but I tried my best!

[fattycow]

*hard too!!!! Not hard on...

[ELA88]

Hi ladies, I'm know this feeling so well, and it seems with every month it gets harder! We've been TTC for 19 months in total (had a couple of months break in the middle when I moved jobs) but it feels like it's been forever.
I see the newbies on here are just starting out TTC and are all excited and think back to that, how naive! Omg I sound so bitter and negative! I'm just glad I can come on here and not feel alone! Xxx

[FreeSpirit89]

My AF just came today, I got pregnant with DS pretty quickly so again not used to waiting. Hate it actually!!

I plan to eat loads of chocolate and drink copious amounts of cola. (I know but I don't like wine)

[BobsyBoo]

My AF arrived today too! Feeling gutted, I've had a cry and I've got angry because all around me others manage to get pregnant so easily. We've been trying for so long and I got pregnant so easily with DD.

I wish I could feel more positive but it is so hard.

At least I can come on here and chat to people in the same position, my OH is not supportive and doesn't understand why I get so upset, he also doesn't understand why other people getting pregnant upsets me. Men eh!

I've just ordered a book from Amazon to help with positive thinking, will give anything a go.

[Sammy89]

BobsyBoo I know how you feel, my DH doesn't understand why I struggle to be happy to others who are pregnant- and I hate myself for it too, but it's really tough.
I think we do get ourselves so worked up about it, but I don't see how you can't when it's something you want so badly!

[Solaia]

Wine, wine and more wine....

I'm on cycle 34, waiting for IVF to start next February. It only gets harder and harder. Every month I get sadder and angrier and... well... drunker.

My friend just told me she had conceived number 2 on the first month TTC, having conceived her first the same way. I can't get my head around the fact that she does not know the feeling of an unsuccessful month. And I've had three solid years of them! The world is a very odd place. That's why we need the

[sebsmummy1]

Yep, I feel your pain. 1 year in, 2 miscarriages this year and now I think I'm firmly entrenched in the peri -menopause and having anovulatory cycles. It is totally crap but I deal with it by getting on with life and considering it a bonus if I ever fall pregnant again, not a given.

We have also decided to look into Fostering if we cannot conceive another.

[Portlypenguin]

My DH was complaining continuously last night i keep going on and on about whether i am pregnant or not. He has confiscated my tests until the weekend! AF due sunday so we shall see! I work full time and have a very busy week next week so if disappointment i will hopefully be distracted!

Keep going ladies :)