TTC a lot longer than 10 months past and present

[Cosmonaut1]

A thread full of the loveliest people

[eurochick]

Thanks for starting the new thread, cos. I was so, so sorry to read your news last night. How are you doing today?

[ThatWayMadnessLies]

Hey cos was just panicking that I'd lost you when I tried to add to the old thread. So so sorry to hear you are going through this crap again. When is your scan? I totally would have done what you did and take things with you for testing (perhaps moved out of the crisp packet!). You must now qualify for more investigations. sending a big hug your way xx

[lovesLemonDrizzleCake]

Ta for the new thread cos. I was so sorry to read your new last night. I think taking it in is perfectly sensible (although it may contain a bit more salt after it's unusual storage container). I think they should check you over completely, now. Big squeeze.

Waves at the others.

[Cosmonaut1]

Thanks guys, just hanging around for my planned appt at private clinic - not sure what they'll say. Will deal with epu and testing question this pm. Men are a bit crap sometimes aren't they. Dh's parting words to me this am were 'have a nice day'

[Cosmonaut1]

Had the scan and had it confirmed.

[ThatWayMadnessLies]

:-$

[ThatWayMadnessLies]

What was that?? I was trying to say that is awful cos. You deserve so much better. Try to take ot easy on yourself xx

[DevonLoch]

Cos - let us know what they say. I am just so sorry you find yourself back in this position. And men can be really crap and Roy would have said exactly the same thing. It is not helpful. This is why it can be such a lonely journey. It is your body, your hormones, your emotions and I just don't think they can fully understand. I am sure mrcos is really cut up about it too and just isn't showing it.
How are you doing otherwise? I know the real emotions can take a while to hit. I am so fed up of lovely people on this thread being hit by bad luck time after time. It seems relentless.

[DevonLoch]

Oh cos . I am sorry.

[Cosmonaut1]

I'm just really thinking it must be our embies now. So true dev you always say wise words

[freedom2011]

cos I am so sorry to read this. sending you a big hug. take good care of yourself and make MrCos take care of you too.

[Buzzybee123]

cos I am so sorry

[CritterPants]

cos Oh sweetheart. Poor love. I'm so sorry that this has happened again. I'm sorry about your DH's misplaced pep talk - I agree with Devon that they don't feel it in the same way we do. I think sometimes, clumsily, they want to make it better and cheer us up and have their happy wives back, but they don't realise that saying things like 'it's not the end of the world' doesn't help. I think getting an appointment at the St Mary's recurrent miscarriage clinic might be a good next step.

fox I am sorry about the letter. You have been badly let down and it's not on. I wish you hadn't had to go through this. Sending you a tight paw squeeze. I hope that you do get the April timescale.

buzzy mini bee is absolutely beautiful. You are such an inspiration - when I think about where you were a couple of years ago, it makes me feel so hopeful - you've been so courageous and gone through so much to get your precious little girl.

madness my former awesome foursome pal - you had an incredibly rough ride and have come out the other side. Hope the last months of your pregnancy are not too exhausting, as you prepare to meet a little spring arrival.

pout I still see you as a mum, I don't see this being the end for you. But I do get what you mean about the infertility board not feeling quite right - I think one of the issues is that some people get very very sad even when the odds are in their favour, go to the infertility board, and then promptly get pregnant soon after. Kind of like how often things are hardest about 6 months into trying to get pregnant - when you realise it will take a while, but can't quite shake the expectation that it ought to happen quickly. I'm probably not explaining myself very well.

It's snowing here, quite heavily. I've been watching the Olympics (so glad they are on now - it's the perfect distraction) and my mum bought me a few funny PG Wodehouse books to read. Hoping to see friends for lunch. I still cry every day, but I also feel I'm starting to emerge from the pain fog a bit - there are longer breaks in the day when I feel ok. Thank you guys for letting me talk here, it really helps.

[Poutintrout]

cos I am so sad to read about what has happened. This is so unfair and I can't believe that you are having to go through all this again especially so late in the day when you had had a promising scan. I am so angry for you.
I am sorry too that MrC has said all the wrong things. MrP is exactly the same and so I understand how hurtful it can be. I can only say that I am sure he doesn't mean to be so crap and probably doesn't have the right words. I know that MrP has said that he gets a blind panic when he has to talk about emotional things and his brain goes blank. Maybe you could tell him that he is saying all the wrong things rather than quietly hurting about it.
Oh cos I am so sorry and send you lots of love.

critter I have continually been so impressed by the generosity of your posts when you are going through the worst time of your life. Another lovely post from you. It is heartening that you are starting to come out of the pain a little. How is MrCritter?
I have been watching a little of the Winter Olympics too. I don't usually like sport but find doing dangerous things on ice and snow quite interesting to watch! The events are quite fast paced too which I like unlike some of the Summer Olympics stuff of watching people run round and round a track. BTW I totally understand what you were saying about the infertility board.

Love and waves to all.

[eurochick]

cos I'm sorry that mr c hasn't been particuarly sensitive. Mr euro tends not to say much at all, which is probably preferable to saying the wrong thing!

I hope you can get the embie tested and start to get some answers.

critter the healing powers of time were mentioned on the last thread. It does always take away the acuteness of the hurt. I'm glad that you are starting to emerge from the pain fog. Crying is good. It helps to let it all out.

[Cosmonaut1]

Oh Critter I'm so sorry at the thought of you crying so much, though of course I agree with euro you've got to let it out. You've been so amazing at dealing with it and am so pleased at the planning lunch with friends. I'm sure it could be so easy to shut yourself away with the pain. Does everywhere look thick and white with snow? I love it when the world looks white and clean and soft. Ive been watching some of the Olympics too, the jumping stuff has been utterly awesome.

Thanks for all your kind comments and helpful suggestions, a font of knowledge here as always. I contacted the epu and they were actually brilliant, despite being technically shut today, I have been in and my sample is being sent off to guys for testing, and we'll do the blood tests too in a few weeks, though think I may have done those before at some point. So feel relieved, if I get some info that helps answer things a bit then that will at least be a useful outcome.

[MuddyWellyNelly]

Cos honey I am so very sorry. I hoped so much this was going to work out for you. I know it's too early for positives, but I think you have definitely got one piece of the puzzle (the progesterone) and I really hope the testing finds the missing piece. But so much more, I just wanted this to be it for you :).

Critter, it's cathartic to write things down sometimes isn't it? I'm glad we can be an outlet for you.

Fox I didn't get a chance to comment on the last thread but I share so many of your thoughts. Big hugs, lovely girl.

Buzzy, it's amazing to read your posts. I know you probably have rather a lot on your plate, but I'm selfishly really interested in how you are feeling, whether the DE aspect enters your head at all? But it's a very sensitive and personal thing, and very self-centred of me to ask, so feel free to ignore! I must confess, one thing I'm worried about is whether I would feel "differently" with a donor conceived baby (though how would I know with nothing to compare it to!) and I'd love to hear of your experiences. Sorry again for asking such a blatantly rude thing .

Pout, I'm so sorry about your mum being so indiscreet; I remember that from some time ago. But you know, I don't think people think about us as much as we think they do, and I'm sure they aren't thinking pitying thoughts. I'm beginning to think most parents (who didn't experience infertility) are a little envious of the child-free amongst us. In any case, there is an expression I'm fond of: "those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind". :)

Incomplete catch up, I'm sorry. I better go and cook dinner, it's a bit late, oops!

[seamermaid]

Oh Cos. My heart goes out to you. It's so unjust what you are having togo through again. You should get some answers from the Nhs. They must be able to tell you something. A huge hug to you and I'm so mad at the universe for making you go through this again.

Critter I'm sorry you are going through this pain that no one should have to endure. Crying let's it out. I know it will always be with you but I know that one day you will stop feeling the acute pain you are feeling now. All my love to you.

Sorry for the awful catch up. I'm thinking of you all. Would be so sad to see the thread die. You are all v important and treasured confidants. Wouldn't know where I will be without you all.

[foxinorangesocks]

I'm frantically packing pulling this face. Cos I'm so sorry. You really have been through the wringer these past few months. I'm glad the epu were lovely and that you might be able to get some answers. Take care of yourself, your body has been through such a lot.

Critter continued loves sent your way. Every day things will get a tiny tiny bit easier. You really are such a generous hearted person and we'll be here with you offering virtual biscuits and loves through all the next parts.

Long live the 10 and beyond thread. Now no more talk of us shutting up shop

[raydown]

Thanks for the new thread cos. I'm so sorry this pregnancy has ended, I feel very sad for you because you had seemed to get over the early hurdles and it's so cruel after seeing a heartbeat. It's good that the epu are going to investigate and you might get some answers and then can have the appropriate treatment. You know egg and sperm meet, fertilise and implant, so it does seem that it's a genetics or an immunes problem. Or could still just be very bad luck.

critter you've not only got the grieving but also the post birth hormones and physical recovery. It's so much for someone to cope with, there will be awful days but also chinks of light. I wish I could hug you in person. Have you seen the doctor who delivered James yet or your ivf doctor?

euro have you had the harmony result back? Do you mind me asking how much it cost? I think this is almost certainly something I'd do if I were pregnant because I don't like the thought of amnio but I'd really want to know.

buzz minibee is truly beautiful.

fox are you on holiday now? I'm so cross about the hospital and the letter.

[lovesLemonDrizzleCake]

Handhold for cos. When will the results from EPU come in? I hope there is something beyond progesterone you can do, because this is just too hard! Btw I am at mrCos, SB would have had to come to EPU with me. I have fallen apart quite spectacularly there before...

Sorry about the waves of grief, critter. I am glad there are some chinks of light appearing, now and again. I really hope these wound will heal in time. But time it will take and scars will remain. Tight squeeze. I'm looking forward to starting some squares for your blanket.

How are you ray? You sound upbeat, but that might just be cheering others up!

Nelly I am sure the questions are not insensitive. To be honest I am very curious about the answers. We went to a Japanese film, like father like son, about boys who'd been switched at birth, so we've been talking a lot about what it takes to be someone's parent. Our conclusion is, whether Lembie is actually genetically ours always a slight worry with IVF in a big clinic he'll be our child.

How are you foxy. Some of the cloud lifting? I really hope so. But I am fuming on the incompetence of the hospitals around you. It truly is unbelievable!

[freedom2011]

hi raydown, i know your question wasn't addressed to me but maybe you find it interesting to know that cost of combined test
www.mumsnet.com/pregnancy/nuchal-scan

was €170 for scan to measure NT of fetus and taking blood and €38 that I'll have to pay direct to the lab that sends the blood results.

[freedom2011]

forgot to say raydown if combined test blood results comes back ok I won't go for the harmony test as I was quoted about 800 Euro

[raydown]

thanks free. Is the nuchal test not covered by the KK then? I can never fully understand why some things are covered and others aren't. The harmony is expensive, would an amnio be free or is there a cost to that too? My kk sent a leaflet saying that they now covered diabetes testing in pregnancy and I thought that would have been a standard one anyway. I'm sure it is on the nhs if you're considered high risk.

[raydown]

I forgot to wish you all a happy Valentine's day! I think that Valentine's day must be to single people what mother's day is to me.