TTC 10+++ months part 18

[Mrsden]

This is the BFP thread.

[Mrsden]

I hope all the 10 plussers find this thread. I can't quite believe I've been around for 18 threads.

[eurochick]

Ditto! 17,000 posts of the ups and downs of the long term ttcers' rollercoaster.

[foxinorangesocks]

I like your affirmation den! I am hoping that my average height, hair and blood group bring me a quick match and that I manage to conceive in 2014. I realise this is a tall ask but I like the number 14 so reckon that's a good enough sign.

[MuddyWellyNelly]

Ah MrsDen let it be so! But in which case we need to slow down the posting a little bit as I need some time to save up for DE!

Euro - I have just caught up with the last thread. I am so unhelpfully cross on your behalf about the embies. I didn't expect that at all, after all your good results. I do think talking DE seemed very unfair what with the drugs and hormones kicking about, and you know, the fact that you do still have an embie inside you. I recall you didn't feel instinctively drawn to DE as an option? But it is way too early for you to be thinking about that as a decision.

17,000 posts. Shit, that's a lot of material for the daily fail bonding, sadness, education, hope, despair, friendships, decisions, happiness, soul searching and wonderful, fantastic, support.

Fox, you are a strong strong vixen :) You will come out the other side with super powers!

Bloody too late to start posting again. Sorry for non-existent catch up.

[freedom2011]

Marking my place. Thanks for new thread. I will continue to lurk. Snotty crying hopelessness today. Mega frustration. I want to get on with ivf or adoption. MrFree wants to wait it out with the Chinese medicine. I feeble I am going a little bit mad.

[freedom2011]

I feel like not I feeble. Although I am feeling a bit feeble after the snotty crying. Perhaps my outburst will set me up for an ironidiff. Either that or tomorrow will be cd 1.

[foxinorangesocks]

Free big hug, waiting is so hard. I really hope this happens for you and it very well might. New Years are good for thinking about new things too? Come and outpour on here.

Nelly I love what you wrote about all the posts. I have had better bday remembering and thoughtfulness from my mn friends than old school ones and you lot always know what to say. I luffs you.

But I don't like dark get ups! Doll please send a slice of sun. Hope you are betterer.

[lovesLemonDrizzleCake]

Good affirmation, mrsd I am keeping everything crossed for a bunch of BFPs under the Christmas tree or soon in 2014!

Sorry you're feeling crap free and that you and your OH are no longer on the same page.

Will go back to read the old thread now!

[lovesLemonDrizzleCake]

Belated happy birthday fox and I am impressed you're out of the weepy stage already. Feel free to wallow again if need be!

And just once again SO SORRY euro for the stressful day yesterday. For now you're PUPO. I really hope the embie makes it.

Waves to all of you!

[Mrsden]

Free, how long is mrfree prepared to wait? Has the Chinese stuff shown any sign of improving things? I'm sorry that you've been upset, come and let it out on here anytime you want.

Fox, I'm glad your birthday was a nice day despite the horrible stuff. My last birthday was ok, but it was cd1 and so I felt a bit sad which spoiled things. It's like I can be happy on the surface but it's always bubbling away underneath.

I'd been doing really well since Ivf failure II. Yesterday, I felt sad for no real reason. I think it's the thought of Christmas, it's such a family time. I'd also worked out that we will have to wait another month for the fet because we will be away at the crucial time. I have no real hope for the fet though, even dh has sort of given up with the positive stuff. He admitted that he believes our embryos aren't good. I need to make the review appointment but it feels sort of pointless, they have no idea where it's going wrong.

[freedom2011]

Mrsden I am not sure. Hard to tell. Cycles did get a bit shorter. Wrote a long and honest post but scared of horrid hacks using words to demonstrate the 'torment' of barren women. MrF said well why did you tell the adoption lady you managed quite well with our struggle then. Er, Because I don't want her to think I'm a nutjob.

[Poutintrout]

Thank you for the new Fred mrsd 17,000 posts? Holy cow!

Happy birthday fox So glad that you managed to have a good time.

euro I was sad to read that the embryologist upset you with such an unqualified "diagnosis". I hope that you feel okay today. Big smiles from me that you are PUPO.

free Sorry that you are having a wobbly, sad time at the moment. I did smile at MrF's comments. I don't think that many people actually tell the truth when someone asks how you are. Don't we all just smile feebly and answer that we are fine!

Sorry that the FET will be delayed for you MrsD I know what that is like and it is pretty crappy & frustrating. The only way I got through it was to tell myself that it had to happen at the time the universe had preordained yeah, 'cos that time the universe decided the FET should be worked out really well for me. Maybe scratch that advice!!

Waves to lemons and nelly and everyone.

[Mrsden]

If people knew how I really felt, free, they'd think I had lost it. The truth is I do cope. I'm not depressed and I manage the sadness. I just really, really want to be a mum and I can't see this feeling ever going away which scares me when I think it might never happen.

I had a rubbish day at work again and I know this is not a good reason to want a baby but I so wish I had maternity leave coming up. As it is I see no escape from my job. I know I should look for a new one but I can't face that just at the moment, I will if we reach the end of the road with ttc.

[sarlat]

Euro - sorry you dissapointed with this round so far. But slow growing embies are not doomed to fail. I deeply disagree with what the embryologist said about your egg quality. The evidence does not point to this. I remember being told I was in early ovarian decline (another falsehood statement from my ttc trauma years) and howling in the corridor. I am sorry you had that nasty shock yesterday, its a dreadful feeling. Right now you are pupo and there is every reason to be hopeful. But if you need another cycle in the future my advice would be the following (feel free to ignore).

hsg - people that make decent embryos /early mc may have mild toxicity from tubes not picked up (my original problem).
dhea?? A la fox
Long protocol to gain more eggs -I hesitate to say this as I know how hideous you found down regging but I wonder what alternatives are out there.
Also maybe 50%icsi and 50% ivf - just to see if the sperm side can be enhanced.

just want to throw some ideas out there and let you know you are far from alone.

will be back later.

[eurochick]

Thanks sar. I appreciate your thoughts and they are along similar lines to my own.

The embryologist did say that in his experience when embryos go wrong early, it is usually an egg issue, but he has seen cases where this has been assumed, and the couple has moved to donor eggs, only for the same thing to happen, so it can be sperm DNA fragmentation in some cases.

I had a HSG early on in the investigations and the dye shot straight though with zero problems. I do have a question in my mind about endo though, as I have always had painful periods and IBS. I'm really not keen on another lap though (I had one when I was 19, to investigate the painful periods and I'm not sure but I don't think endo was found, although obviously a lot can change in 18 years).
I have also wondered about DHEA as I have heard good things.
I have said to mr euro that I would be willing to try LP again. He is not sure he is. He found watching his usually emotionally stable waife deteriorate into a complete looper somewhat unsettling.
I've also thought about the 50/50 thing. We've never had enough eggs to bother with it to date.

I hope you are doing well.

mrsd I feel like that. I have passed up a number of opportunities over the past 3 years with the aim of heading off on mat leave. Grrr. I am disillusioned with my current place but it could end up being a bad time to move. With the latest thing that came my way, I decided to say "sod it", but that didn't work out.

free there's always a risk that any thread could be invaded or spied on, but we are all anonymous on here, so I've never let that thought hold me back.

I hope doll is doing ok. Her circumstances were not easy. Tiny doll must be a few weeks old now.

[Mrsden]

Euro, I have no reason to think my eggs are bad and yet I'm fAirly sure my embies are not developing past day 3. I'm certain that implantation never happens. With us I think the problem is dodgy sperm. I do wonder whether long protocol with more eggs to try might be worth it but not if it's at the expense of your emotional health. There's still hope with your slow grower though, just look at gin!

Sar, how are you. Not long to go!

[CritterPants]

Hi ladies

Just wanted to quickly pop on to give a tight squeeze to euro - so sorry yesterday was so shit. sar has good thoughts. I will be hoping for your little embie.

free I remember feeling that awful urgency and misery. I'm so sorry lovely. Are you on a list for IVF? Can you get on one? I know it's not a cure-all (sadly our experiences on this board have shown that) but I found it really helpful to have the situation taken out of my hands.

den this is a bloody hard time of year. I'm sorry the FET has been pushed back. It's horrible, the constant waiting around.

fox glad you managed an ok birthday. Thinking of you lots.

Waves to everyone else.

[seamermaid]

Found it.
A quick post from long weekend break so this will be a pathetic attempt at catch up.

Thanks Den for sorting new thread. May 18 bring us loads of luck. Very lucky number where I'm from. Hoping this is a good omen for all 10 plussers.

Euro I'm glad the lady doc was gentle with your ladybits but sorry the they were so insensitive to talk DE when this cycle is still v much alive. I have heard that the first 3 days is more related to egg and after that it's down to sperm but I still think a lot of it is just trial and error and supposition. Either way, I'm sorry you had to hear that during ET. A big hand hold. I for one still think you are in with a v good chance judging by past experience

Free - a big handhold. How long have you been trying with the Chinese meds? It's good that it seems to be regulating your cycle but I can understand the frustration and wanting to be doing other things to help you become parents. Is there no talking mr free round?

Fox glad you are back and happy belated birthday. You have been ever so strong during this nightmare cycle. Any news on the hand?

Not much to report here. Started DR yesterday. So far okay. No real side effects apart from slight headache. I do feel like all the moisture's been sucked from me though. Feel dry dry dry and glugging water all day long. Went hiking in the mountain today and feeling good.

Waves to everyone. Sorry for the short catch up. I always find it hard to do phone posts.

[eurochick]

mrsd - I've had positive tests on all 3 previous rounds (mc, chem preg, chem preg) so we must get to at least hatching blast for there to be an attempt at implantation. Who the hell knows what's going on. From early on in this process I have had a wish that someone would invent "wombcam" and that is just increasing with each passing headfuck month!

sea hiking sounds wonderful. Hurrah for being underway! I hope the side effects stay mild.

[freedom2011]

Mrsden if a wonderful job opportunity comes your way grab it but obviously hold onto present gig until that happens. I gave up my job to relax enough to get pregnant. It worked but I miscarried so I think it may worth getting on with what you want to do if your personal situation allows. I've been to some great places and had a heap of fun. When booking flights I've always thought what if I get pregnant and can't go. I never have so no point holding back from what you want to do. I don't want to look back and think I held off living.

Thanks for all your kind words euro and sea and pout and critter. I talked calmly to MrF. He's scared of making the wrong decision. I'm scared of leaving it so late we have no choices left. We'll go back to the western doctors in next year.

[ThatWayMadnessLies]

I've found you! Checking in from a surprisingly not too cold Scotland this morning.

fox I'm glad that you were able to enjoy your birthday. I have had some really good times over the past 3.5 years but they can be overshadowed in my memories by the stressful and traumatic times. You are doing great xx

euro so sorry things weren't as you'd hoped. listen to sar. The advice is so often wrong that you need to take it all with a pinch of salt. I am still in your cheerleading section for this round.

sea hurrah for being on the ivf road at last. I have everything crossed for you.

Waves to nelly. Glad the de counselling was ok. Probably best that it didn't flag up lots of issues that you hadn't talked through yet.

On phone so typically pathetic catch up. Big waves to free joy and mrsd and cos and anyone else I've missed.

afm all ok here. Just over 17 weeks and accepting I need bigger clothes. Sister in law starting ivf in January so now feeling anxious on their behalf. Would be amazing for our children to grow up together but really hard knowing how she will be feeling if the treatment fails. Have to run to work. Have a good day everyone.

[Cosmonaut1]

Euro I hope you're doing ok today. You're still pupo and I hope you manage ok through the 2ww. Wombcam's would make a fortune I think!

Mad great news that all still going well with you. That is tricky timing with the sil, fingers crossed it turns out well.

Free it's so hard to know what to do next - my twopenneth is that charting when doing Chinese meds is incredibly helpful as the patterns within the charts correspond to the theories of yin / yang / liver qi etc. have you ever tried using fertility friend? Randine Lewis' book 'the infertility cure' gives diagrams and explanations of what the charts mean in Chinese meds, plus you can then see if you're making progress.

Sea, great news you've got underway - hiking sounds great.

Fox, special squeeze.

Mrsden it's no wonder you feel like that, you've been through a lot. I like the positive affirmation of the purpose of this thread!

Nelly you're so right, that is a good description of what happens on this thread.

Waves to Joy, Sar, Critter, Pout and everyone else.

Afm I have an update, and its so bizarre that I don't really know what to make of it and mostly expecting it to ends in tears any day. So you know with my last round I was given extra progesterone via gestone injections which was the only thing that was different really and I felt at the time they really helped. In my follow up with my consultant I asked about trying extra progesterone on its own and he was very reluctant, he said there was 'no evidence' that it helps and that he'd never prescribed it in his 20 yr career. Anyway he took pity on me and wrote to my gp to recommend cyclogest 200mg twice a day from 1 or 2 days after ovulation. (The gp also said it was 'off licence' and was suspicious). I had some leftover gestone (plus some from a trusty supplier, you know who you are) - and so this month I tried both, the cyclogest and the gestone (a 50mg injection twice a week), and I can't quite believe this but I've had a bfp. I'm now 16/17 dpo. So wtf? I've read some opinions on line that say that the progesterone level is a reflection of egg quality and that giving progesterone just delays the inevitable, but I've also seen other stories of ladies (in the US it seems) who have success to term with it. Now I've also been told I've low Amh, lower ovarian reserve, over active immune etc etc, but progesterone definately seems to be at least one part of my jigsaw. Anyway, I hope this gives you all a boost that there is always something new to try and to keep going! And I wonder what will happen next - I keep getting twinges which are worrying me....

[eurochick]

Bloody hell, cos. That's amazing! I can't believe you have a BFP the first time you have tried it!

[Ginestas]

cos!!!! The ironadiff we've been waiting for! I understand why you would feel nervous, but this sounds like great news to me. I thought progesterone was a standard treatment? I know one of my friend's mum had it successfully in the 70s/80s to resolve recurrent MC. Anyway, try to enjoy if you can. I am so bloody pleased for you.

euro I know our ttc history is very different so this may be irrelevant, but I checked and ginster was a 5 cell grade 2 embryo on day 3. The 7 and 5 cell grade 1s didn't do anything when put back in. Anyway hope that gives you a bit of hope.

Waves and luffs to everyone else x

[eurochick]

That does, gin. Thank you!