I'm ready for a flaming but just spent the last few hours sobbing and I need to talk.

(387 Posts)
internationallove985 Thu 18-Jul-13 00:10:33

I have decided not to name change here for the simple reason you will know it's me by my post and if you're going to flame me or say "Well I told you so", it may as well be the real me. I have posted here rather chat because I have opened up to more people on the conceptions threads.

Most of you know my situation for those that don't I have been sleeping with a guy for the past 2 months in the hopes of getting pregnant. I usual see him on Wednesday day time and Fri evening but I couldn't see him today so we arranged to see each other tonight... Anyway he got to mine for about 9.30.
We went straight upstairs. Sorry if what I say next is T.M.I but I gave him oral and yes rightly or wrongly expected it back but just as he was about to cum he pushed me down on the bed and dtd (with no foreplay) and came in less than a minute got up got dressed and said "I'm going now". I feel so used. I might as well be honest it felt a bit uncomfortable and I bled a little. The only time I've ever bled after sex is when I lsot my virginity.
I know I've been allowing myself to get used. I have never felt emotive after sex but I have just spent the past few hours sobbing. I'm in no way trying to cry rape as that was not the case at all, not once did I struggle or say no, but a little consideration would not have gone a miss. I just couldn't believe the change in him.
He is going away tommorow for a few weeks which now I am glad about as it will give me time to think. I'm sure he'd be mortified if he knew how he'd made me feel, do I tell him I feel used or do I just put it down to a quickie and rough sex. xx

Fairylea Fri 19-Jul-13 10:08:17

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

However, and I say this kindly as someone who has been badly hurt by a friends with benefits situation myself, do you think maybe this is the wake up call you need?

Stop seeing him. Focus on finding someone who wants a proper relationship and baby, I think you're kidding yourself by trying to pretend that isn't what you want (also been there done that). You're clearly upset and emotional.

Also, please be aware that you don't know enough about this man or spend enough time with him to know he isn't seeing other women, some of whom may also be having sex with other men. Without using condoms you are leaving yourself open to all sorts.

Please look after yourself and don't have a baby with this man or any man prepared to treat you like this.

DfanjoUnchained Fri 19-Jul-13 10:08:47

The problem with being fuck buddies is sometimes the guy will lose respect for the woman and just use her as a masturbatory tool, which has happened in this case.

DfanjoUnchained Fri 19-Jul-13 10:09:31

Op, why not just get a boyfriend and have a baby the good old fashioned way?

Trust me its hard fucking graft and I wouldn't ever choose to be a LP.

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bonkersLFDT20 Fri 19-Jul-13 11:43:38

I don't understand how this can be called rape.
She's giving him a blowjob - willingly. He then got carried away with the moment. Is he actually supposed to have paused, asked for her specific consent and then carried on? Really? IF she had said no, or given any indication she was not consenting then that's a different story.

The fact she didn't enjoy it and feels used does NOT make it rape. See it from the man's POV please.

amessageforyouYoni Fri 19-Jul-13 11:47:59

I think this whole situation sounds potentially incredibly damaging to you. Is there no other way you can find to have the baby you want so much?

Having horrible sex with an abusive guy cannot be the answer.

Please reconsider.

She didn't object or say no or give him any signals that she didn't want sex.

Do your partners ask in esteem different sex acts?

Scuse me darling do you mind flipping over so I can penetrate you now???

I actually feel quite strongly that you are actually incredibly immoral if he knows nothing of your plan to get pregnant, what about his feelings, what about the resultant child's feelings?

Your pain at sex not playing out as you thought it would pales into insignificance of that he will feel if you become pregnant.

Are you planning on asking him to support you and the child or are you able to do that all by yourself?

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CalamityKate Fri 19-Jul-13 12:04:29

Cannot imagine having sex with my husband with him asking for permission between every change of activity.

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CalamityKate Fri 19-Jul-13 12:08:41

....also, if he got too enthusiastic (it has happened!) my response has been go "Oo, steady on dear!" Whereby he goes "oops, sorry....."

But I'm guessing the OP was reluctant to interrupt his flow. As it were.

Calamity- of course, she wanted the sperm!

Fenton Fri 19-Jul-13 12:16:31

Tell him you feel used and that wasn't what you wanted.

Then tell him you're trying to get pregnant by him and don't give a monkey's what he wants.

Problem solved.

Haven't read every post, but seems many posters are being unsympathetic because of the back-story/ issues of using him as a sperm donor.
I think if a woman wants to do this then it's up to her really - if the man is interested in pregnancy implications of sex he can take an interest/ take his own precautions !

I don't think all that's the issue - I think you had sex which was too close to an assault on your body and I wouldn't be seeing this man again.

I hope you can begin to move on from this soon, and possibly put it down to bad sex you don't want to experience again ?

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internationallove985 Fri 19-Jul-13 12:25:15

Thank you to all of you who have given me support. It is much apprieciated. I felt used but not raped. Although I will be honest I do find myself wondering "What would have happened had I asked him to stop? Well the truth is I'll never know. He called me yesterday morning but I ignored the call. x
Makeitupasyougoalong. I did not come to the thread yesterday as I was still quite emotional (if that's allowed!). While I know this is an open forum and I do not object to opinions, but please be mindful that sometimes hurtful comments can go a bit too far. Hence comment made at 12:06. I also did consider reporting your comment but if I was going to report every comment on here that had upset me. I'd be here all day and it's unfair to report just one comment also like I said I can deal with my own battles I don't need my hand held by mumsnet!x
To the person who implied I was upset about him going away please read my post again as that is not the case infact quite the opporsite
Juicy fat steak. I am far too intelligent to argue over kisses on posts, so we'll leave that one there. x

Hmm, interesting thoughts Juicy hmm

Fenton Fri 19-Jul-13 12:26:36

Hang on a minute - she's posted this in the Conception ???

For Fuck's Sake. hmm

MissStrawberry Fri 19-Jul-13 12:27:34

OP, this is your opportunity to break away from this man.

Spend some time alone. Think about the baby who will grow up without a daddy quite probably should you consider carrying on with trying to get pregnant like this.

Many people will tell you their child has done fine without a daddy or doesn't want one but let me tell you that is not always true and it is a hell of a risk.

You need a huge dose of counselling I think to find out why you are so desperate for a baby you will sleep with someone who isn't in anyway caring towards you.

And if you are sleeping with men and letting them think you are on the pill, stop it. Men sometimes are stupid and it isn't until they are told their lover is pregnant that realise sex without contraception often equals a baby and a life long responsibility.

I am sad that people really think it is okay to get pregnant by someone they hardly know.

In light of OPs latest post maybe it's just a very tricky area to discuss.
Hope you're feeling a bit better today international

Yes Fenton. All over Mn actually. That she's TTC with a FWb that doesn't know. Look at legs in the air in conception.

Me too Juicy!!!

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