Ttc with numerous announcements!!

(12 Posts)
amazingmumof6 Sat 27-Apr-13 01:00:23

bear and moggle - reading your struggles made me sad, and I really want to give you big hugs!
I can not imagine how hard it must be to cope when you keep receiving happy news that stir up a lot of conflicting emotions,.

the only way I can relate is that when I meet someone whose daughter is about the same age as the baby girl we lost (my 5th pg ended in an early MC at 12 weeks) I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach.
I'm happy for that child & her family, but the reality of what we lost gets rubbed in my face. Despite what we have and how lucky we've been, part of me will always be miserable, missing her so terribly. (she'd be turning 4 around now, but I doubt I'll ever get over loosing her)

Once I actually met a little girl who was born on the same day that this baby of mine was due - it was just horrible. I felt incredibly jelaous and angry, then guilty and ashamed. I cried for days.

I really hope that you will all be pg sooner or later, I wish you all the best!

Bearface Sat 27-Apr-13 00:20:32

Thanks for explaining moggle. That sucks but I can see why they do it that way I guess. Glad you are feeling happier today. If we have to wait 3 years our wait should be over by August 2014 as I came off the pill in August 2011. I have a feeling we have a definite cause though as DH has low sperm count and varicocle in testicle. Anyway good luck to you. I hope you get your BFP soon. X

moggle Fri 26-Apr-13 22:23:23

Sorry wasn't clear - if after the HyCoSy and AMH test they still can find no explanation for why we can't seem to get pregnant then we have to wait the 3 yrs. But if for example they find I have a blockage that isn't shifted by the dye or my AMH is high (and hence I'm running out of eggs) he said they would look to go straight to IVF at that point. But if we're unexplained then we have to wait. We could go private but any private cycle gets knocked off our ration of 3 NHS cycles.

I'm drinking wine tonight so feeling happier about life than yesterday!

Bearface Fri 26-Apr-13 18:11:31

btw thanks for you too Moggle

Bearface Fri 26-Apr-13 18:10:58

Moggle, thanks for sharing. It is something of a consolation to know that other people feel and are going through the same as me.

I don't really understand how the IVF process works though. So, does that mean that they won't do anything until 3 years TTC is up? Even if you have a problem that can't be fixed without IVF IYSWIM?

moggle Thu 25-Apr-13 23:03:08

Aw bear sad It's so hard. I have always been a real baby/kids person, ever since I was a kid myself. I was always that annoying child insisting on picking up babies and toddlers, I knew how to change a nappy and feed and burp a baby at about age 7. I notice now a clear difference between the way I interact with friends' babies who were born before we started TTC, and after. The ones born before (as for cousins's kids born well before we were even thinking of thinking of TTC), I was so excited by their arrival, I dote on them and love spending time with them, buy birthday and christmas pressies, ask after them when I see their parents, etc. The ones born after, especially recently, I can see I hold myself at arms length from them. I don't seek out cuddles or anything from them and tell myself that I can't be expected to buy gifts for all my friends' kids on their birthdays (which is probably reasonable tbh). But anyway it's sad as I just utterly love all babies and this goes against my natural instincts. I know I'll be fine with my own nephew or niece when/if he/she arrives before we are pregnant, but having the strength to deal with that will probably come at the cost of being able to deal with my friends' new arrivals.

We had our first fertility appointment yesterday, I am having a HyCoSy done and AMH blood test, but then it's just keep shagging for another 1.5 years or so until 3 years are up, when we'll be eligible for IVF here. Obviously hopefully it'll happen naturally before then, but the optimism is fairly minimal these days!! I haven't burst into tears about it yet outside the home, but I'm sure it'll come in time. Wah well this is all rather a depressing note to end on, I'm going to go look at some kittens on the kitten cam...

Bearface Thu 25-Apr-13 20:33:31

Oh yes, and I failed on the holding it together at my friend's house front. Couldn't stop myself from crying and then felt really selfish and stupid. My poor friend. sad

Bearface Thu 25-Apr-13 20:31:33

This is really on my mind at the moment too and I can't help but get that gut-wrenching feeling of 'Why can't it be me?' every now and again. I'm actually dreading summer a bit as it's when we see a lot of family and friends (everyone hibernates in the winter) and I know people are going to start asking again. We've got family visiting from abroad who will almost certainly want to know and friends who we haven't seen for a while. We're waiting for a referral to a fertility clinic but we don't want to tell people that.

I was just saying on another thread this pm that I counted up at one point how many couples have got pg since we started TTC and it got to 28 at the time. I can now add on a few more to that even. It's heartbreaking. sad Moggle - we are at the stage now where people are on #2 (some are even on #3!) and I do find myself staying away from people who have had babies or who have small children. I find it hard to be around them just now.

Before Christams I though I was okay and went to visit a friend with a newborn who is #2 and she was asking me about TTC while the DCs were there. I tried so hard to hold it together, but all I could see and feel was what she had and I didn't have. I wasn't jealous as such, just so so sad.

I'm hoping that our turn will come and we'll be able to sort something out after the referral appointment. Until then it's a case of ducking and diving to avoid everyone else's joy. Depressing, isn't it? sad Wishing you all lots of luck on your journeys.

moggle Thu 25-Apr-13 17:32:47

It's rubbish isn't it. In the 16 months or so we've been trying there have been so many announcements. I'm almost immune to it now, basically any time we see friends who are a heterosexual couple and have been together for more than 6 months I brace myself for an announcement. In particular as we're now 32, friends who've met and got married relatively quickly are generally popping a baby out as soon as they're hitched, which feels galling since we've been together for 12 years. We are now approaching the appearance of second babies... not so bad at the moment, but when we get to the stage that our friends have managed to pop out 2 in the time we've been trying for our #1, it's going to be hard. On the plus side perhaps we'll get loads of brilliant secondhand stuff off them when we finally get pg because they've all finished their families by then!!

I expect we all have someone who we are properly dreading an announcement from, for me it's my younger brother. He's nearly 30 but his fiancee is 37, they're getting married in September when they will have been together 2 years, so I fully expect them to start trying as soon as that's out of the way if not before. Of all the thoughts I had about being the first in this or that group of friends to have a baby, or I was sure I'd have a baby before this friend, well I've adjusted to not managing any of that, but the idea that I won't be the one to give my parents their first grandchild is absolutely heartbreaking for me and really hard to adjust to. I don't know what my reaction will be if/when they tell us they are pg. Stupid really, cos I'd also be devastated if I knew they were going through what we're going through, especially as she is 5 years older than me.

DisneyDiva87 Thu 25-Apr-13 14:16:04

I burst into tears when my pal told me she was pregnant (about a year and half ago), I wasn't TTC at the time but I was very hormonal and obsessively broody and I really wanted to start trying but hubby wasn't ready.

Look on the bright side, at least when you announce your BFP you won't have to share the limelight like your 2 friends (I'm assuming they are friends).

I'll keep my fingers crossed that the last week of April is your week and failing that, that May is your month.

Sending babydust and hugs your way. Good luck!

amazingmumof6 Thu 25-Apr-13 14:08:01

oh honey, how difficult it is to keep smiling but feel bleugh about it!

you've got to carry on and do the gracious thing - remember you also want people to be happy for you when it's your turn to announce!!!

good luck with TTC - if you get to stressed about it it is less likely to happen, so find ways to divert your mind from the subject - a new hobby or project at home might just do the trick!

I'm sending you fertile vibes (if only I could!) and big hugs for the upset. smile

londonchick Thu 25-Apr-13 13:55:09

Why is it that when we are ttc we are bombarded with pregnancy announcements!! I'm guessing we're all at the age of weddings and children but it doesn't make it any easier when friends keep announcing their pregnancies!!!

I am obviously thrilled for everyone but 2 announcements in one day yesterday just hit a nerve I think!!

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