Right, that's it! Fabulous Forty Somethings ttc want our bfp's and we want them now! We have waited long enough!

(975 Posts)
hopefulgum Tue 05-Mar-13 09:51:11

Here's our shiney new thread. The one where I finally get upduffed with everyone else! smile

mozzarellamummy Sat 22-Jun-13 06:49:54

Wonderful news Morien! smile
I had a lovely day yesterday, we invited a friend of DD and his sister for a playdate+ dinner.. They played in the garden while DP cooked some delicious Chinese food.. DD was very excited but she finally fall asleep at 10.30pm.. Today we could go out for a pic-nic..
I don't know when to expect AF this cycle due to early ovulation.. somewhere around tomorrow and a few days after.. I already fell the usual ovarian pain, but still hope they won't show up so I'm afraid I'll be very upset when they'll do.. confused

CaliBee Sat 22-Jun-13 09:22:51

Morning to all

Thats brilliant news morien a partial relief I'm sure. I hope time passes quickly for you.

I'm feeling a bit low. Back to work, back to a phone relationship (which from next week will get even less)and an empty house to boot now that ds has moved to his Dads sad. I'm off to cheer myself up this morning and get my nails done.
When I see DH again in mid August he will hopefully be able to notice a difference.....I'm not telling him what I'm up to so it should be interesting to see if he realises.

6 or 7 dpo for me and disappointingly the sore boobs I had started to feel have all but disappeared (weirdly it used to be a main lp symptom for me until I had the mc)....I'm not holding out much hope for this month really.
I cant believe its now 5 months since the mc.....I still feel sad sometimes, especially now all the bumps are on show for the summer.

Isabeller Sat 22-Jun-13 09:30:31

A heartbeat morien smile

Waving to everyone, still struggling to get through one day at a time and probably managing about 20% functioning. My scan is next Wednesday, I can't help being apprehensive but can't wait for it to be done either.

Assuming we get good news, which I hardly dare, has anyone got any advice about exercise? I've got a high BMI and before embryo transfer I was doing C25K 3x a week and a moderate amount of heavy physical work (ie moving heavy furniture, sacks of rubble, DPs Mum) but I've been feeling so dreadful I've done little more than go for a walk once a week for ages. I'm probably not up to much right now but as soon as I can I want to get back to being more active. Can I start where I left off?

xx Is

jass43 Sat 22-Jun-13 14:44:41

No, Isabeller, you probably can not start where you left off. Wen I had amnio done and was told to take it easy for a week or two I was specifically warned not to even imagine to get back into my exercise routine, as even in week or two in pregnancy your fitness levels will drop and you would be overdoing it if you try to start back after a few weeks. I of course tried to ignore this advice and tried to get back into usual routine and guess what - I could not. Clearly felt overdoing it and also had some worrysome contractions to fight with. I would rather go back to exercise after pregnancy, and consider walking as enough of an exercise for these 40 weeks. And I was a marathon runner before my last successful pg, so really really fit. That was why I of course thought my doc can not be right and I can exercise as I wish. And I still could not. Of course you might be different and nothing will happen, but I remember the contractions scared me enough to keep me walking until week 34. Then I started to ski, cross country of course, not alpine.

Irishmammybread Sat 22-Jun-13 22:59:31

Mozzamummy sounds like you're having a lovely weekend with your family,hope AF stays away for you!
CaliBee must be tough for you at the moment with not being able to see DH and your son moving out too. What's happening now with the move to NI,do you still go or is that postponed ?
You have the right idea having a bit of pamper time for yourself!
I hope the lack of sore boobs isn't too significant at this stage.
I know what you mean about seeing people with bumps when you should be pregnant,it's a poignant reminder of the loss. I think it's only natural to feel sad.
It gets to me seeing my friend from the village who had a baby exactly when my Patrick would have been due. I can't help thinking when I see her pushing the pram past the window that it should be me.
Isabeller sorry you're feeling so rubbish,hope all goes well with your scan on Wed.
Jass I can't even imagine skiing at 34 weeks,I'm very impressed. I can't even ski very well when I'm not pregnant!
Hope everyone's having a good weekend

hopefulgum Sat 22-Jun-13 23:11:06

Isabeller, can you go to a pregnancy yoga class? Or pilates? Both are gentle on the body (if you don't overdo it) and are great for pregnancy. I practiced yoga throughout my pregnancy with DS. I had been a gym-bunny before falling preggo with him, but I simply didn't have the energy to keep it up. I stopped in the first trimester. However I did see heavily pregnant women at my gym, still pumping iron and running on the treadmill shock From about 16 weeks I had worrying braxton hicks contractions (supposedly practice contractions which are harmless, but in my case quite worrying as I have had threatened prem labours twice before) so I had to be very careful with exercise (particularly cardio), the best I could manage was a walk on the beach a couple of times a week, that's why I loved the yoga so much.

I think if all is well, concentrate on moderate exercise (brisk walking) rather than running, and do your best by eating well for you and bubs.

Calibee, sorry to hear you feel blue, but of course it is very understandable. It seems terribly unfair that you have to be apart when you are just married. So what are you up to? A makeover? Do tell smile.

The weekend is ticking along. I had coffee in town with a friend yesterday morning, did the farmer's market, took DD to netball, and swam 40 laps while she played (and still caught the last half of her game). By 8pm I was snoozing on the couch![old lady emoticon]

Today I am running DD to a friend's place, and while I am out I will go to a yoga class. I'm hoping all the effort to exercise might give me some last minute toning as I will be in shorts and vest tops soon. I wish I'd started all the exercise a couple of months ago, but the motivation wasn't there. Every little bit helps, right?

hopefulgum Sat 22-Jun-13 23:20:10

Cross post with you Irishmummy.

It really is very hard seeing women at the same pregnancy/baby stage that you should have been. I do understand that feeling. I am just so relieved I already have children. I imagine how much harder it would be if I didn't.

Do you think your Dh might come around to ttc again? Is it the chance of loss that stops him? It is so difficult for our partners to see how devastating the loss is for us. I often wish that things could be different, I think my DH found my reaction to the miscarriages so confronting and difficult that he never wants to go through it again. My way of coping is to keep it myself. I know that is not the way others deal with it, and I think their way is probably better, but I just can't or DH probably would never have unprotected sex with me ever again (even when I'm 70hmm).

The emotions we experience are so powerful when we lose a baby, and it is very confronting and frightening for our loved ones to see us like that.

It is so good to other women who have experienced the same thing to talk to about it on here. smile thanks

Isabeller Sun 23-Jun-13 09:39:29

Thank you all for the advice, I'm still laughing at the idea of miraculously managing more exercise than a marathon runner jass. If all goes well on Wednesday I will look for pregnancy yoga/pilates and definitely take to heart the advice to walk on the beach hopeful I think it would do me no end of good.

Goodness knows how we'll cope if it is bad news. Perhaps best to try not to dwell on that... xx Is

CaliBee Sun 23-Jun-13 13:17:51

Irish despite some very chilly feet the move is still on but it will be end of August instead of July. My trouble is, is that having made such a difficult decision, I needed to act on it immediately.....however things are not in my control and its giving me too much time to think. confused

hopeful yesterday I had my nails done and a lovely back and neck massage. I treated myself to some new music and then had a good old danceathon in my kitchen ast night ...just me and the dog. What a sight we must have been!!!

Irishmammybread Sun 23-Jun-13 14:10:05

Hi gum ,you're right, it does make it easier having children already,I'm so grateful for the three I've got and appreciate them so much,I know compared to others I am really lucky.
It helps having contact with people on here who have had similar experiences and know how it feels also.
I think it's unlikely my DH will come round to the idea of ttc again.
For him there was a sadness about losing the babies but even though he was keen to try again initially,he just doesn't feel that "empty arm syndrome" I do,and now feels the risks are too high. He worries about the effect of another miscarriage on all of us, complications for me if I was pregnant and the increased risk of the baby having problems.
It doesn't help that a friend who had a baby in her forties recently nearly died,she had complications after a c section and ended up having bowel removed and a colostomy. The baby was also very ill and will have ongoing problems. Of course it may not be age related at all but it's on his mind.
I can see his point of view,even though I would personally be willing to take those risks for myself.
It's a tough one.
I still want to hang around the thread for now though if that's ok,even if we're officially not ttc!
BTW I feel tired just listening to all the sporting activities you did in a 24 hr period,I don't know how you manage it,you must be very fit!
I can't even walk properly at the moment. I've torn my Achilles tendon so am supposed to be resting it for 4-6 weeks.
Hence I'm sat on a chair with my feet up ,with a cup of tea,some chocolate and Mumsnet while DD2 watches a movie and the dogs are snoozing,very lazy Sunday afternoon!
CaliBee I'm sure the thought of moving is daunting, especially if DH is going to be away but I'm sure it will all work out. Do you have a job lined up when you go over or will you have to start looking?
Nothing wrong with dancing with your dog,what sort of music is he into?!
DH convinced me it was time to get another dog after having our elderly Lab pts at Christmas so we got a pup last month. It's chaos, especially as we're trying to get our house ready to go on the market and will then move to MIL's and start building work but she's brought so much joy and fun to the family, especially for the kids. There's something very therapeutic about puppies!
Isabeller I know there's no point me saying not to worry, but really, there's every chance everything will be fine at your scan,I'll be be thinking of you on Wednesday.

CaliBee Sun 23-Jun-13 15:24:05

irish no job lined up. If I'm honest I thought I would be able to walk into something....how wrong I was. It seems in Northern Ireland they dont have the vacancies in hospital Pharmacy for my grade...I have signed up to various agencies who only appear to have jobs dispensing in shops or medical centres which are miles away from where I will be and half the pay I get at the moment and if I'm honest far far away from what I like doing.
If I'm honest I was looking forward to a couple of months rest before I started to look, but suddenly I feel this sense of loss at potentially not having "my own" money...if that makes sense. Once again I think I have just had too much time to ponder. Of course if I could get our much wanted baby I would happily stay home and keep house. Can't believe I'm saying that!!!!!
I've had my greyhound "Finian" since 2006. I got him just 5 days after having my old girl put to sleep due to cancer. There are times when they are complete ties but to be fair he is the best company for me. Bless him...he has heard a few rants from me this week.
I agree re exercise...it certainly seems we have some fit and forty ladies on this thread. I'm not good at running...however I have been doing "The Squat Challenge" for two weeks. I'm pleased to report I have now lost 10lbs in two weeks. grin

hopefulgum Sun 23-Jun-13 22:38:54

Wow Calibee, 10lbs in two weeks. Fantastic! What is the "squat challenge"? Have you also changed the way you eat or is just the squat challenge that has caused the weight loss?

I think your plan to have a baby and "keep house" is perfect. Particularly as there isn't much work choice for you. Do you think you and DH would consider trying IVF if things don't happen naturally? I know it is expensive, but I just wondered as your DH doesn't have kids of his own.

Irishmammy, I don't think I am very fit, but I am trying to get fit. I wish I'd started this weeks ago, but this will have to suffice. My thighs really shouldn't be allowed out to enjoy the sun, as they are so large and dimpley shock but our holiday involves lots of sun and swimming pools, so I am trying to minimise their impact (sigh). I doubt that there will be much difference in two weeks, but at least I will hopefully feel fit. Now that I have cranked up the exercise I am starting to crave it a bit, which is a good thing.

Today is my day off, thank goodness,as DS woke me at 4.45 am with a wet bed. I do rise early, but not usually that early. I do hope he has a nap this afternoon, as I can see myself flagging by then.

Isabeller, try not to worry about your scan, there's every reason to expect to see your little one floating around and a heartbeat. How many weeks will you be?

mozzarellamummy Mon 24-Jun-13 06:12:07

Isabeller I know it's impossible not to worry but I am really confident it will be ok on wednesday. I keep myfingers crossed for you..
AF arrived once again and again I feel lost... sad,It was the fifth cycle trying to concieve, without counting the one when my dp went back home..but it seems ages, I am not sure wether I should check if I have any issue or just try to relax..
In august it will be a year from my loss and I wished so desperately to be pregnant by then..

CaliBee Mon 24-Jun-13 07:37:56

mozarella so sorry to hear af arrived. It's so disheartening. August would have been my due date and I had so wanted to be pregnant by then too. There is no hope of that now that DH not around sad. I feel time is just passing by and with each month lost the chances are less.

hopeful The Squat Challenge is over thirty days. You start on day1 doing 50 squats raising it by 5 each day with a rest day every 3 days or so. There is also a crunch challenge too which I may have a look at. I am following a very low calorie diet ( I know some people dont like the idea of these but I need a quick kick start) which was preceeded with a week of detox (literally protein and green salad/vegetables.) I have to say that despite the general down feeling of my situation just now....I feel really good.

kaglets66 Mon 24-Jun-13 14:02:50

Hi Ladies bit of a newbie here, 47 next month, separated with 13 year old lad, enjoying a lovely relationship nearly 18 months now with my DP. Been reading this thread all 36 pages of it over the weekend, and want to say hello and share my current situation.
Not actively ttc, but may be in for a bit of a surprise.

Enjoying SWOI, and we have always been careful. However DP and I for some unknown reason decided to have unprotected sex, thinking that any chance of conceiving would be minimal.
DP in all his wisdom said chances were remote. CD was beginning of June, date of unprotected sex was 10th June. For the past week or so metallic taste in mouth, over the past few days, cramps, both stomach and legs, feeling tired, boobs look and feel same, not that I have much in the old boob area anyway, however bumps near the nipples.

Just wondering if perhapes by some sheer luck DP and I hit the jackpot. Although we would love another baby, he has no children of his own, we were looking at not trying really until next year (we have only been livng together for 6 months, so its been one step at a time.)

Now I am getting my hopes up high and yet at the same time thinking perhaos the symptoms are psychosomatic, or the first stage of the menopause, but I don't get any of these symptoms at the start of my CD's so I am a bit more hopeful, but at the same time anxious that its all in my mind.

All I can do is wait and see if AF arrives or not at some point in the next week or so (I've never been absolutely great in my timings and dates of my cycles, always a bit erractic).

So thats me at the minute. smile uncertain and trying not to get too hopeful.

Kaglets

CaliBee Mon 24-Jun-13 18:01:48

Welcome kaglets how exciting. Are you going to test??
I know for sure I would'nt be able to resist grin

jass43 Mon 24-Jun-13 18:06:17

Isabeller, there will be NO bad news, only good ones, and bthw, you can walk on the beach even before the good news! I am dying to be at the seaside, even a cold Baltic seaside would do very well, I hate the landlockedness of my current home country.

Irishmummy, sad to hear you have a constant reminder of your lost baby close by.....and I hope you get a miracle diff you will not even discover before you are 12 weeks gone!

Well done Calibee for weight loss and squat challenge.... Is that a sport or a diet? Sounds like bodybuilding regime?

Hopeful, re dimply legs - they were so in fashion in the beginning of 20th century that ladies added latex dimples into their stockings to have beautiful looking upper legs. So, wear these dimples with pride! I have a lot bthw, despite being a long distance runner. And I am of the opinion that cellulite was invented as a problem by cosmetics industry because, u know, a backstage takes so much more cream than a face, so it is a lot more profitable if they can get us to slather expensive stuff on our butt and thigs. Also, the diet industry feeds on our insecurities, so while I am at it, shoot them too! As far as I have seen, most of friends who diet regain all and then some, and I have made the same mistake myself. I will never diet in my life again....

Welcome, kaglets, and lets hope you will be the lucky one!

hopefulgum Tue 25-Jun-13 00:21:09

Hello ladies.

Like you jass I think all diets are the work of the devil, but I have fallen prey to many of them as I have a genetic tendency to lay down fat. I don't know why, perhaps it is my mother's Russian heritage? I believe it can get very cold up there. My fat stores would be quite useful in a cold country!grin And my dad is of southern Italian peasant stock, so not of tall stature and a tendency to grow roundish...

Anyway, I have finally found that eating a clean wholesome diet of vegies, fruit and meat works for me. If I eat refined carbs and dairy I just start to bloat. So, although it seems like a "diet", it is more a realisation of what works for me. As I sit here typing I am finishing my breakfast of meatloaf and cabbage. Not everyone's idea of breakfast, but it keeps me going until lunch.

Calibee, that squat challenge sounds really hard. But you'll have a lovely tight tushie as a result! What number per day will you get up to?
Also very good practice for giving birth I believe. It is just so shit that you have to be apart from your DH. Doesn't the army know you have a baby to make???Bastards. I suppose one consolation is that your DH isn't in Afganistan or Iraq.

Hello kaglets, I am very excited to see what your outcome is. I hope it all works out for you. Even if you aren't pregnant this month, you'll love this thread if you decide to keep ttc.

Well, I'd best run off and get organised for work. DS's lunch to pack, I need a shower and to find something decent to wear to work....
Have a lovely day. brew

jass43 Tue 25-Jun-13 08:01:48

Hopeful, of course eating the way you feel is best for you is not diet - at least not when you give in to your urge of having something different when the mood takes you. I am far from thinking one should eat in somehow prescribed way - that breakfast can not be meatloaf and salad. I believe into demand feeding both in babies and adults - eat what you feel maches best your appetite. Refined carbs are not really that much on my table neither, as I come from the culture where bread is ryebread and wheat is for cakes only. But I do bake a cake every now and then:-)

Morien Tue 25-Jun-13 10:10:41

Hello everyone, how are you all?

kaglets welcome, and fingers crossed for that BFP wink

gum I'm loving the idea of southern Italian peasant stock crossed with Russian (in Australia) - it sounds so exotic to me; as far back as we know, I'm completely English (not even Scottish, Welsh or Irish). When my half-Belgian baby's born (being positive here, when not if) it'll be the most exciting thing that's happened in my family for generations smile

Isabeller not long to wait now. Fingers crossed for tomorrow.

mozzarellamummy sorry AF got you. Maybe this cycle's the lucky one though.

As for me, trying to keep positive and believe that all will be well - much harder after an MC, as too many of you know. This time is different though, in that I have more, stronger symptoms. I've only been sick the once, but I feel nauseous a lot of the time, and am struggling to find anything I want to eat (am surviving on melon, strawberries and oatcakes with Philadelphia so actually quite healthy and balanced, but not by design). And then there's the tiredness...

As for the Harmony test, I'd already more or less decided to go to London for it even before I saw the gynae the other day. I was planning to mention it to him, but really expected to be told not to waste my time and money, which wouldn't have put me off anyway - a fairly common reaction in Belgium to anything that's not available in Belgium but is available just over the border is to ridicule whatever it is that's being discussed (we don't have it here because we know better, we don't need it - and a recommendation of a test in another country would be an admission that somewhere else does things better, so that's not going to happen)...I think it's kind of like national inferiority complex. Anyway (perhaps because he himself isn't Belgian) it was the gynae that brought it up, not me, to my surprise.

jass43 Tue 25-Jun-13 16:37:53

Good Morien that you have an open-minded doc. And your chances are really good - at our age, with less than 5 mc your chances that all of them were dodgy eggs are still high, so if you feel positively preg this time, this is your golden egg:-)))

I find docs can be even sometimes in tiny Luxembourg feeding you the same message - if we do no do it here, its not worth doing. Complete rubbish, with their 0,5 million people they just can not have economical incentives to provide for cases they might only see once in a few years. Luckily, not all docs here are like that, as most of them are ethnic Germans, French, Belgians (can you really say Belgian - well Flemish or Vallonian, just in case:-)

kaglets66 Tue 25-Jun-13 20:43:32

Hi CaliBee, Jass43, Hopefulgum, Morien, thanks for the lovely welcome. :D

CaliBee I haven't tested yet, although I am really itching to do so, but astonishingly I am managing to restrain myself, but can't see me lasting out too long. :D

Hopefulgum I am really enjoying this little community and if the results are negative I plan to stay around. :D

My fingers are crossed for all you lovely ladies ttc

As for me at this current time I am still feeling the metallic taste, and the other symptoms I mentioned earlier, and for the past few hours there's been a bit of light bleeding, which I am a mite anxious about, not 100% sure its the start of AF far too light for that, and my cycle is not due till next week or so. Wondering if its spotting or implantation, or dare I think menopause. I am not really all that spot on with looking out for the signs of early pregnancy symptoms. I am trying to think back 13 years ago if I had same signs when I was last pregnant.

2minds Tue 25-Jun-13 21:47:28

Hello everyone, hope you are all ok.

I have been away with DP & the boys for a long weekend. It was lovely to get away from it all for a few days. Am determined not to let this TTC thing consume me...easier said than done I know! I still haven't discussed it in RL with anyone other than my DP.

Welcome kaglets66.smile I really hope you get your BFP.

Morien Wed 26-Jun-13 11:23:35

hopeful, where are you? It throws my whole day out when there isn't a post from you to read first thing grin

kaglets66 Wed 26-Jun-13 12:12:45

Hi 2minds thanks for your welcome. smile

Morning ladies I've not been on this site too long and yet I feel as if I can really tell you about what is happening and how I feel, its great to be able to let loose all those fears and concerns and know that there are people to listen to and experienced the same.

Another update (feel as if I am spamming this thread now)

Had near hysterics this morning worthy of an oscar winner. As you know DP and I weren't really ttc, but we got used to the idea of a possible and wonderful pregnancy DP said despite us not trying it would be a blessing. I woke up this morning and the initial spotting I had yesterday is now heavier and red but not as heavy as my normal period. Thought it was end of world, crying to DP, lots of hugs and cuddles, convinced myself I was either not pregnant to begin with and all my symptoms were psychsomatic, or it just hasn't taken. Still very confused, not in pain, no sign of any clots, still crampy, still taste in mouth, but now not trusting my own senses. I am still not sure it is all in the mind.

Will keep you posted.

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