the slightly pointless ones ttc (sort of!) now thread

[LoveYouForeverMyBaby]

Hi everyone,

Originally was waiting to ttc in Dec but we've agreed to start now...currently on cd19 with no pos on opk but still keeping fingers crossed!
Will poas around 9th Dec anyone else?

[LoveYouForeverMyBaby]

Should read pointless!

[Creamtea1]

Hi loveyou,just to say last month I didn't get a positive opk untill cd28! Then had 35 day cycle. This month I defo ov'd on cd16 as for first time ever had pains etc. so if I based it on 28 day cycle I could poas on fri..if its 35 again then not till another week after..,
Have you been using the cheapie opks?

[BridgetandtheHairyBrigands]

Hee, Hee LoveYouForever - budge up, I'll come and be a pountless one with you.

I'm looking to test around that date too. We were meant to be waiting until December to resume ttc but decided to have a 'warm-up' month.

Anyone else recently stopped waiting to ttc, and started waiting for a BFP instead?

[LoveYouForeverMyBaby]

Cd20 and still not ovulating. I know this sounds stupid but I feel like failure.

[BridgetandtheHairyBrigands]

Got to dash as need to get Mini Bridget up and ready for school, but you are NOT a failure. You can't control that sort of thing and i think you are assuming the worst needlessly.

You could have ov'd and missed it - those sticks aren't foolproof and it is easy to miss a quick surge.

Please don't stress a minute more about it. Even if you had got that smiley face, and DTD at the 'perfect' time, it would have been no guarantee of a BFP.

[LoveYouForeverMyBaby]

Thats very true bridget...my mat leave ends very soon and think the thought of leaving dd 5 days a week has made me more determined to get that bfp with #2 so theres an out as such.

Been crying off and on all morning.

Thank you for listening.

[BridgetandtheHairyBrigands]

Oh LoveYouForever, you poppet. Dry your eyes, have a , a and a big hug with your little one.

I've only just seen your post (been on yet another driving lesson) and I'm really, really, sorry you're feeling so upset.

I did wonder if your return to work was preying on your mind as you mentioned it in passing a while back. I can't really offer much advice I'm afraid as I couldn't face going back after DD arrived. Whilst - on balance - it was probably the right thing for our family, I do often wonder what life would have been like if I'd had the courage to grasp the nettle at the time.

Although I feel very lucky to have had the option to stay at home, the stark truth is that I have permanently wiped out damaged my career prospects. We have also taken a huge hit in terms of income and, even now, I find it uncomfortable being entirely financially dependant upon DP.

Is there anyway of separating your feelings about returning to work out from your feelings about ttc? Could you negotiate less hours? Are there any friends that have gone back recently that you can talk things over with? Are you happy with the childcare you've got lined up?

Obviously I don't know about your financial situation, but would it be possible to give yourself another 'exit route' that isn't dependant upon falling pregnant quickly? For example, could you agree with your DH that if, after 6 months, your return isn't working out, you will resign? Or look for a part-time role somewhere else?

These may all be silly suggestions but I just wonder if there is a way of taking some of the pressure to conceive instantly off your shoulders.

Can you focus on some of the benefits of going back? A proper lunch break, more adult company, more money coming in, entitlement to maternity pay when DC2 does come along etc..

Even if you aren't pregnant before you go back, it is likely you will be before too long and having your DC1 used to spending some time away from you could be a huge bonus when you are trying to juggle a toddler and a baby. For example, you may be able to keep your DC1 in a few hours of childcare each week so that you can spend time snuggling and bonding with your teeny one.

I'm probably just rambling now, sorry for the epic post.

[LoveYouForeverMyBaby]

Thank you so much bridget really appreciate the kind words and support. Its hard to talk about this in rl so often keep everything bottled up.

Mil will be looking after dd we're very close and she said she will follow dds routine as I ask her. Couldnt be luckier in that sense really.

Its just the idea of leaving my precious baby full time and seeing her 2 waking hours a day is killing me.

I know concieving #2 quickly shouldnt be the answer but it would mean after 9 months I get anoher child and get to spend time with dd again. It would make going to work bareable.

Writing this out I realise how stupid I sound but financially we cant afford for me to not work full time mainly as we desperately need to sell up and save to move.

Cd21 and I have a pos from opk, so going to give this month a good shot and hope for the best!

How many dpo are you now?

[Sorelip]

LoveYouForever I'm really sorry you're so upset. When are you due to return?

I lasted an hour back at work and then left. In retrospect, I tried to return far too early. I've since decided to change careers (or, actually pursue a career instead of doing any old work).

[BridgetandtheHairyBrigands]

I am on CD 20 - probably around 5/6 dpo. Not wildly optimistic about this cycle but feeling stoic about it all...que sera, sera.

Brill news about the positive OPK (best of luck x)

[Sorelip]

Bridget don't be too pessimistic yet. I got pregnant during a 90-odd day cycle. Weird things happen!

[LoveYouForeverMyBaby]

sorelip due back end of the week

bridget I dont feel very optimistic about this month either but pleased I'm ovulating at least.

Tmi question but does dtd yesterday and more than once today help chances or does it make no difference?

Also has anyone started thinking about names??

[Sorelip]

Ah shit LoveYou, is there anything at all you can do to afford to live on one salary? Cutting back, or going back part time, anything? I'm sure you've thought through options, I just know that horrible feeling and would do anything to avoid it. The Money Saving Expert website has really good tips on living on less. In fact, I'd credit the site for my being able to be a SAHM, and not have astronomical amounts of debt.

[LoveYouForeverMyBaby]

The thing is sorelip we technically could live on one salary but its our housing situation that is pretty much forcing me to go back to work. Plus because we do want a second baby it would be a shame not to take advantage of the maternity leave at my work place which is very good (6 months full pay, then stat, 1years leave + hols), is just I would be prepared to give that up (bigger housing and even a second child) if it meant I could stay at home and raise dd but dh isn't happy with us scraping by and wants my salary for our future. He says in a few short years she will be in full time school and then I will be unemployed and will find it harder to find employment in my field. (Shrugs) I know he is talking sense but the thought of parting from dd full time 5 days a week is heart renching.

[flowersfortea]

Afternoon all, thought I'd come and join you!

love you sorry to hear about this - I hope you and your DP can find some plans that work for you as a whole family.

Bridget was getting jealous of your dog-related anecdotes on the other thread! Somehow a 5th floor apartment in city centre isn't quite right for a pet, but would love to one day!

On a me note, got through the 2WW without (too much) neurotica, but now in that funny phase where AF should come any day (who knows what the pill had masked in terms of my cycles) but I really don't think I should try and test for at least a week - so being really good and haven't bought any tests yet (or stolen from work...). Good luck to the rest of you! As mentioned on the last thread, some symptoms but probably PMS so trying not to get my hopes up for a few more days at least.

[LoveYouForeverMyBaby]

Welcome to the thread flowers! Am either 1dpo or ov at the moment so I'm going to ave to resist temptation to poas too early over the next 2 weeks...good luck with when you do, make sure you keep us updated.

Any symptoms at all?

[BridgetandtheHairyBrigands]

LoveYouForever I didn't realise your return to work was due to happen so soon. No wonder you've been feeling emotional about it all. Like flowers, I hope, together with your DH, you can put plans in place that work for the whole family.

Mini Bridget is now nearly 6 and when I look at the children in her class it is impossible to tell whose parents have always both worked full time and whose haven't. They all appear equally happy and well-rounded, and they all seem to enjoy close loving relationships with their mothers.

I know it will be a wrench to be apart from your DD but please do not think it will weaken your bond.

Flowersfortea, so pleased you've popped by! It's great you are managing to keep a level-head about this ttc-malarkey; it's something I'm determined to do this time round.

Don't be jealous of the dog! She is well and truly in the doghouse. Cheeky blighter decided to disappear after rabbits this morning. Initially, I called her and she came running back. So I made a huge fuss of her, gave a tasty treat, and - just as I was enjoying a smug dog owner moment - she looked at me as if to say "Sod this...I want rabbits" and buggered off at top speed.

Finally, after I've stood shivering in the rain for 45 minutes, she decides to come back. To rub salt in the wound, she's clearly soooo very, very, pleased with herself, and trots along with her tail aloft for the rest of the walk.

[LoveYouForeverMyBaby]

Thank you bridget, hopefully going back will be easier than I've imagined and dreaded.

bridget and flowers you're both really level headed about ttc whereas I've one full on nuts(!) how are you managing to not freak out like me?? I hat being like this.

[BridgetandtheHairyBrigands]

LoveYouForever - I'm just at a stage where I'm fed up of putting myself through a roller-coaster of emotions each month. At the moment, I'm just trying to think it will happen, but I've just got to be patient and enjoy life while I wait.

[BridgetandtheHairyBrigands]

Oh, really hope I don't sound all "little miss perfect pants" - I'm still doing the odd boob poke and obscure google search - I'm just not letting it play on my mind every second.

It helps that I have quite low expectations of success.

[LoveYouForeverMyBaby]

bridget not at all, you sound very sensible, wish I could be sane about ttc its doing my head in and only 1 month in!

[BridgetandtheHairyBrigands]

Good luck with tomorrow - I hope you manage to get a good night's sleep.

I'll be thinking of you.

[LoveYouForeverMyBaby]

Thank you so much bridget already spent the day randomly bursting into tears while dd was napping, so hopefully it won't be as bad as I'm imagining.

Looking forward to poas time and hoping I won't be at work for too long...

[Creamtea1]

Bridget I think I'm going to try to adopt your attitude now as well. It will be month 4 for me, so this time no opk's, no counting cycle etc. just going to try and dtd regularly and at most keep an eye on what my bodies doing - cm etc. and no testing until I know a period is due.
And yes it will be really hard! Lol. But I think with it being Xmas month it will be easy to be like that as plenty other stuff going on.

[BridgetandtheHairyBrigands]

Morning Creamtea1, I think December is a really good month to give a more relaxed approach a try. Like you say, there is so much other fun stuff to keep your brain occupied with and it would be a shame to let over-obsessing about ttc 'take the shine off' such a special time of year.

I don't think it is ever possible to completely switch off, but taking a more casual approach (even just every so often) I think can help prevent ttc becoming too emotionally draining. It has worked for me this cycle anyway.

I'm definitely going to try to spend the festive period appreciating and enjoying
everything I already have. Although, I will make a secret wish to Santa and, if DP wants plenty of 'seasonal greetings' I'll be happy to oblige!

(I love your nickname by the way; it reminds me of sunny summer holidays in Devon scoffing scones)