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Children's health

I have reached a new low with dd's constant poo problems. I want someone to take her away until it's sorted.

12 replies

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 28/05/2009 09:29

dd1 is nearly 5, has had chronic constipation for a year now. No medical reason found. On Movicol and Senna and a couple of month ago we got to a really good place where she was pooing every day and it was all good. Now out of the blue a couple of weeks ago it's all gone bad again, she doesn't seem bothered about making it to the loo on time, is pretty casual about the whole thing then craps her pants. In the process of her attempting to take of her pants ends up smearing poo all down her legs and all over the toilet as well. I am sick of it. I just ended up really shouting at her and threatening to put her back into pull-ups because I really can't take anymore at all. Having friends round today who's 2 girls are much younger than my dd but of course are totally clean and dry. My other dd is 3 and has cerebral palsy, she could be potty trained but she has some mental issues with it all and currently refuses to do anything apart from in her nappy. Quite frankly I've had it - I've effectively been changing shitty arses for nearly 5 years now and no end in sight. I am also 24 weeks pregnant and still being sick every morning and feeling sick all day long. I would like someone to take my children away and bring them back normal please .

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NationalFlight · 28/05/2009 09:35

Oh God Hanging.

Totally understandable how you're feeling, I wish I had a magic wand for you

I expect you know the possibility she is doing it as an unconscious attempt to show her feelings that maybe dd2 gets 'looked after' in this way, maybe more attention etc which of course is totally normal and not your fault...I'd try and focus on the fact she is still very very little and WON'T keep doing this forever.

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NationalFlight · 28/05/2009 09:36

I mean in the way that my 5yo will have 'accidents' and so on in a subtle way when he feels jealous of his baby bro? Like saying 'I am a baby too, it's not fair' sort of thing.

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ItsPotatoesForYouMyLad · 28/05/2009 09:38

please go and talk to a health professional as soon as possible. this situation is not working and not productive for you or your los

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Hangingbellyofbabylon · 28/05/2009 09:55

we are seeing the paediatrician for dd next week, they are good at physically getting the poo moving with the right meds but no help with the psychological side of things. I know she is doing it as a reaction to dd2's special needs. She always points out the physio bit and says 'this is where dd2 goes to hospital and this is MY special hospital bit'. She revels in seeing the paediatrician. I have tried to give her the extra attention she needs, school are good and working hard to boost her self-esteem as well. I think this latest thing is because dd2 has just started taking her first steps and has been getting a lot of praise. Also as it's half term dd1 has had to come with dd2 and I to all her appointments (3 so far this week). I understand the reasons and can rationalise it all but I am still human, I'm cranky and I feel sick and just want someone to make it all better for me. Better go, dd2 stinks and has pooed in her nappy but refusing insisting she hasn't so I will half the battle to get to her changed.

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NationalFlight · 29/05/2009 21:27

How are you doing? I've been thinking of you, hope things seem slightly less overwhelming xx

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jonquil · 29/05/2009 22:35

Oh how I feel for you. I had exactly the same thing. Visit www.eric.org.uk/. I ended up in tears on the lovely lady on the helpline and she gave me some very helpful suggestions which pretty much worked over night. The more you stress the worse it will be. It's just a phase and you will get through it together. Lots and lots of luck.

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Hangingbellyofbabylon · 29/05/2009 22:46

thank you, I'll have a look at the Eric site. Today was a better day - one poo in the toilet and nothing in the pants! I have really tried to heap on the praise to my little girly and she was so visably relieved to see me not being cross . I'm also battling with ante-natal depression and I know my dd's have born the brunt of it this week. I've seen the GP today so hopefully things will improve for all of us.

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chipmonkey · 30/05/2009 01:28

HBOB, we had this with ds1 when he was almost 4. We found that by acting very chilled about it ( even though we were inwardly seething!) seemed to do the trick and once ds1 realised he was not getting a reaction or any additional attention he soon started using the toilet again.
He's 12 now and I asked him if he could remember why he did it. His reply was
"Yeah, I was just lazy!"

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Starbear · 30/05/2009 10:12

Hangingbellyofbabylon This might be a silly question. But have you got any family to help you? Maybe gran or aunt can be another very important person is DD life. I know my aunt was when my brother was ill. She was only 12 at the time but she's still my big sister, took me every where with her and even dressed me like her. We are very close even though she lives in Spain.
I'm also close to my nephews and the eldest had health problems. Just an idea.

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mimsum · 30/05/2009 10:16

ds2 had chronic constipation for 2 and a half years so I know how you feel

We saw a fantastic "poo lady" (ds' name for her) who was the paediatric incontinence nurse specialist at the local hospital. She worked on both the physical and psychological side.

One thing to remember is that even if there was no physical cause to start with, just the fact of being chronically constipated for that long will have changed the way everything works, at least temporarily. If the bowel is constantly stretched it loses its muscle tone and makes it much harder for children to recognise the signs of needing to go to the loo. We were told that it would take the same length of time to sort out the problem as it took to build up - so in your dd's case that's about a year. We were also warned it often gets worse before it gets better.

Ds2 was on medication for 3 years before we all felt confident enough to wean him off it. He stopped having regular accidents after a few months, but would get constipated for the slightest reason - hot weather (getting slightly dehydrated), tummy upset, change in routine, anxiety over anything however small and that was WITH the medication!

He was discharged from the clinic two years ago and is basically fine now, although we still have to keep an eye on him. Even now he will occasionally start getting constipated and we give him movicol for a week or so just to stop it all building up again.

The "poo lady" said she could always tell when kids were getting better by the size of the mum's handbag - when you get so confident that your child's not going to poo themselves so you don't need wipes, change of clothes etc etc that's when you know you're on the home straight!

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posieparker · 30/05/2009 10:19

I would also enlist the help and advice of a child psycologist... they are worth their weight in gold. Your dd may not understand why she's doing this but there may be triggers that a CP can find and really help.
Try not to be angry (find a pillow to punch or call centre to phone and complain about something to vent anger) with her as she must feel terrible enough..... but this you already know and we all have moments like this. (One of my children is impossibly loud and some days I just burst!!).

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PollyLogos · 30/05/2009 11:26

There was a thread last year about a 9 year old girl with similar problems.It was a very moving thread and as the mum involved posted that she hoped other parents with similar problems would find and read the thread, I think it's ok to post a link.

link

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