Hi, I would love some brutal and honest comments on this rhyme I've written. I'm hoping to get it published, maybe, and I know mumsnet users would be the people who could, potentially, enjoy the book. I've got illustrations to go with it too. I hope you like it, but if it's a load of rubbish, please do tell me so!
Spiky Mr Hedgehog,
Used a garden rake,
To comb his pointy prickles,
Flat as a glassy lake.Â
But when his hedgehog wife,
Glimpsed her husband's hair,
She giggled like a schoolgirl,
And asked, "Did you do it for a dare?"Â
Well, those words of Mrs Hedgehog's,
They caused him frightful pain,
For he rather liked his brand-new look,
And thought she?d feel the same.
Mrs Hedgehog begged, "Forgive me,"
And kissed his shiny nose.
"It's just that your new hair style,
Simply doesn't match your clothes!"Â
She pointed to his trousers,
Coloured purple, green and white.
Then pulled upon his waistcoat,
Which was really rather tight!
At this her husband beamed a smile,
For he realised she was teasing.
Mrs Hedgehog's style was, after all,
Not what you'd call most pleasing.
She wore a stripy jumper,
Bought at a jumble sale.
A mini-skirt of sky-blue-pink,
And a tatty looking veilÂ
Right then Mr Hedgehog laughed out loud,
And she, she laughed some more.
Eventually they fell in a heap,
Upon the kitchen floor.
Mr Hedgehog wiped his streaming eyes,
then Mrs Hedgehog did the same.
And as she dabbed, she said,
"I'm glad I took your name..."Â
"I knew I was right to marry you,
With this here wedding band,
You are my ideal hedgehog!?
And with that she squeezed his hand.
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2 replies
siski · 10/06/2009 17:27
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