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18 month old mindee smacking other children and me a lot

(13 Posts)
calmlychaotic Thu 28-Feb-13 21:51:37

That's brilliant, made up for you.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Thu 28-Feb-13 21:21:01

Feedback: after ONE day of giving the little boy time out each time he smacked (just for a minute, if not less) he has hardly smacked at all over the past 3 full days that I have had him!

Thanks so much,everyone. I informed his parents and they were completely accepting of the time out "treatment" and it seems to have done the trick very quickly. He has sort of flapped his hands a bit but nothing at all like he had bee doing. smile

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Thu 21-Feb-13 13:52:54

Thanks so much, everyone for all your constructive advice! I have started doing time out today and it seems to have worked a little. He is a bright little boy, and is very switched on, so I would not be surprised at all if he was just frustrated with not being able to talk.

The little boy has been with me since he was 8 months old and it would certainly be the absolute last resort to give him notice. I reckon that any CM that has done so in circumstances like this was probably at the end of their tether. When parents work with the CM, mamadoc, it makes such a difference to the child.

Tanith Thu 21-Feb-13 07:36:44

At this age, it's more communication than intent to harm and I find that, as their speech and other forms of communication improve, the hitting etc. lessens until it goes completely.

I've tried improving their communication skills with signing and giving them the words for what they want, as well as firmly discouraging the hitting, as above. I think it's had limited success.

mamadoc Thu 21-Feb-13 00:07:14

I'm a parent of an 18 mo ds who goes to a cm. we have had a few problems with him hitting, pulling hair and once biting. I am mortified as my older dd was never like this. He does it at home and at cm's although certainly not every day.
My cm handled it at first by showing him how to be gentle instead but when he carried on we agreed she would use time out which is what I do with him at home anyway. I think it is getting less frequent now. I would be just so sad if she felt she needed to give notice over it and would be willing to do anything to avoid that.

LingDiLong Wed 20-Feb-13 21:19:46

I'm going through exactly the same with an 18 month old mindee. He wasn't doing it at home (he's an only child), just here and just aimed at other children. I tried the 'gentle hands' approach too and although he would stop mid-smack and change to stroking he would still turn round and hit seconds later! This week when he turned up his mum said he'd started hitting his parents and she'd used the naughty step consistently all day. He was noticeably better for it. I decided to use the same tactic and it has improved things. He's only timed out for a minute as he's so young but I'll carry on with it and see how we go. Luckily he's only tiny and doesn't actually physically hurt anyone but it IS upsetting my other 18 month old mindee so ultimately I may have to consider giving notice for his sake if it doesn't continue to improve.

fieldfare Wed 20-Feb-13 19:13:51

If you've tried the constant reminding of "gentle hands", then I think you have to go onto time outs. Obv tell parents of your new strategy and get them on board.

goldie81 Wed 20-Feb-13 19:03:23

I have 18month mindee who
Is also going through the hitting. She can be lovely all cuddles and kisses but then the next minute shes smacking the other children and often using whatever is in her hand.
I'm trying with the nicely nice but a lot of the children are getting hurt so I think I might have to try the time out.

doughnut44 Wed 20-Feb-13 17:41:17

I always think it is quite strange for a child to be told 'make nice' and hug after they have hurt another child - it's as if that makes it right. A bit like a man going to confession to be forgiven after he has cheated on his wife - lol.
I think it has to be time out and a firm 'no' and to ensure the parent follows what the childminder is doing.

bigwigdig Wed 20-Feb-13 16:12:15

I had this with one of my mindees. It was totally unpredictable too. She did the smack or pulled hair for no reason then stroked the other child/me. I too did gentle hands with no improvement and felt like giving notice. As a last resort i did time outs very consistently and to my suprise she quickly stopped doing it. Roll on a couple of months she is now the most lovely, fun and caring mindee you could wish for and i adore her!

ZuleikaD Wed 20-Feb-13 15:58:49

Yes, this sort of behaviour (if it couldn't be altered) would cause me to give notice as well. Have you tried timeouts? 18m is pretty young for it but it may be worth a try.

MrsMushroom Wed 20-Feb-13 14:30:00

My friends DS got "sacked" by his CM for this behavior. It was a shock to his Mum at the time....CM had been telling her about it for about a month and then she said she couldn't take him any more. Due to the other mindees being upset and afraid of him.

If it goes on, I would do the same in your shoes. I know being a CM is difficult at times but a child who doesn't stop is just too much work.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Wed 20-Feb-13 13:22:33

Not just a bit, but constantly. I have tried the "gentle hands" method (giving the child something else to do with his hands rather than hit), but now he will whack one of the kids and then stroke them!

I know it is just a phase, but does anyone else have any good ideas I can use to help move the little one along? The parents know about this as he does this at a home, too, and they will tell him No, and that it hurts.

Any other ideas?

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