interested in homebirth, concerned about dd1

[Lua]

Hi everybody,
I have been reading all the homebirths with a lot of interest! I have my daughter in a hospital in the USA last time. I had to fight really hard with the nurses to keep drugs away so I could have a natural birth. I did and am very proud of it, but thought that the hospital was more trouble than help....
Pregnant with the second one now... and really tempted for a homebirth. Am very concerned though to traumatize my daughter. She will be 2.5 years when the event happens and think she will be scared by all the noise I am sure I will make.... Anyone else had a small one around, how did they react? Also concerned that I will be worried about her, and therefore not really relaxed.... Any help would be greatly appreciated!

[Pidge]

Lua - just dashing off - but will be really interested to see what responses you get. My dd will be 2.7 when the next one arrives in March, and I'm hoping for a homebirth too. I'm just considering what my options are, as I think I probably don't want her in the house if she's awake whilst I'm labouring.

[lailag]

My friend had her 3 at home(not in UK), she was lucky to have the older ones at their neighbour's house

[velcrobott]

Lua - DS was 20 months old when I had DD at home... as I had been told by experienced "homebirthers", if you don't want your child present... you'll have your baby in the night,... and I did. It is very common.
I did have back up plans which I wasn't too keen on and I suspect my body/brain knew this and it all started when DS went to bed.

[midden]

My toddler was 2.5 yrs when I had my 2nd at home, what I did was to make sure there was an extra pair of hands should he need any attention. I also wanted to prepare for the fact that I might need to transfer in to hospital and wanted him to remain at home and not have to stay at anyone elses house.

So I basically had dh and my sister, I didn't mind which one of them was with me, and my plan was that should I labour and birth in the day one of them would take him out to the park, or somewhere else nearby. As it turned out I went into labour around 7pm. My sister gave him a bath and put him to bed at his normal time - about 8pm - just as the midwife arrived. I was making noise at this point but not too loud - just groaning.

Baby born at 9pm with quite a high level of noise (I think) fairly high pitched but only during the last few contractions. I was only about 20 feet away from him but two closed doors and a bit of hall between us. He never stirred. He woke the next morning and came through to our room as usual to find his baby sister waiting to meet him - we were both relaxed and well rested.

My advice would be to make sure you are well supported and have somone there for you and another for your dd, if possible two people who can interchange roles if needs be and make sure they both know at what point you would want your dd not to be in the room etc.

I do think home births are a much nicer way for big brothers and sisters to meet new siblings but I do appreciate your feelings - I felt just the same. Just trust it will be alright on the night. There is a lovely childrens book on a baby being born at home to share with dd to prepare her a little - I will try to find it as ca't remember off the top of my head.

[SueW]

If you have access to Discovery Health, try to watch the 'Homebirth Diaries' series. It was being repeated recently on Saturday and Sunday mornings, around 9am.

[bonym]

Hi - just wanted to reiterate what velcrobott had said - I've read somewhere (may even have been on MN!) that the majority of subsequent births happen at night - it's apparently a primitive thing that you have a need to ensure that your existing children are safe (i.e. asleep!!) before going into labour. Anyway I'm hoping this is the case as I'm also planning a homebirth (although dd is older - 7 - not sure if this is better or worse than having a younger one!)

[geekgrrl]

I have three children, the two youngest were both born at home. When my second dd was born my first one was 1.5 years old. She was pretty upset by it all - lots of noise - and dh had to take her off to another part of the house to watch a DVD whilst I gave birth by myself (midwife wasn't there yet) - not ideal really. It all happened so fast, otherwise we could have sorted out some childcare with neighbours or something. With my third birth we had grandparents and friends on standby and the guest room prepared, but as it happened I went into labour in the afternoon, whilst dd1 was at school and then at a friend's house for tea and dd2 was at nursery. I think they would have been ok though, it wasn't anywhere near as noisy as it seemed a lot less painful, maybe because I had a midwife there for a change and felt less frightened.

I can only second what other have suggested - do have someone there who can look after your daughter, distract her and if necessary maybe take her out into the garden to play. Don't just leave it like I did with no.1

[WideWebWitch]

I'd get someone else to be there to help too. I had both mine at home and intended ds to be there (in the house, not at the birth) but as it turned out he was at my mums for the day when I went into labour and I was really glad of that because I screamed the house down and I wouldn't have wanted him in the house tbh. But a lot of people do manage to labour at night with other children sleeping through it and that's what I'd have tried to do if he hadn't been at my mum's anyway. There were some great long homebirth threads on here last year if you search under archived topics.

[emsiewill]

I had dd2 at home, and dd1 (2.5 at the time) was there, sitting next to me on the bed when dd2 was born. She was absolutely fine, but I think the main reason it worked so well is because I didn't actually know I was so far advanced. By the time we called the midwife, I was 9cm, but thinking I was probably in for another 12 hours of labour (dd1 was induced, so had never gone into labour "by myself"). If at any point she had seemed distressed by anything, dh would have taken her away (to another room), but as I was calm, so was she.

It's something I never planned, and would not have dreamed possible, but it was a lovely way for dd1 to meet her new sister. As I say though, I would never have planned it like that, too many unknowns, and if I ever had any more (which I'm not planning lol), I would still make arrangements for my dds to be somewhere else, or for someone to be around just for them, just in case.

[Pidge]

Really lovely and reassuring to read these stories (sorry to jump on your thread Lua).

I have been mulling this over some more and have concluded that my ideal would be to go into labour late afternoon, have dd go to bed as normal and me give birth overnight without hollering so much as to wake her up!

But we're going to need a back up plan obviously. MIL is already determined to get involved but to be honest I would not be relaxed with her in the house, which sort of defeats the purpose of a homebirth, and I don't like the idea of her taking dd to her place as it's about an hours drive away. So I am considering asking a friend who lives 5 minutes away who has a dd the same age, whether she would take her if necessary. Our two dds are great buddies and love playing, so hopefully it would be a treat for her.

Am also aware that I'm due very early in March, so the prospects of sending dd down to the park or out in the garden with someone to play with her will only be good for about an hour's distraction before they start getting frostbite!

[tortoiseshell]

When dd was born at home, ds went out for the morning with friends, came back and she was born. He had no awareness of the labour at all. Lots of babies are born at night and I guess the older kids will sleep through.

[elliott]

For my homebirth I didn't want ds1 to be around and made various plans for him to be looked after by friends. In the event I went into labour around breakfast time on a day ds1 went to nursery - he spent the day in nursery and was picked up by a friend and taken to spend the night with her. Ds2 arrived at 5.45pm - we could have brought ds1 back that evening, but by the time we were sorted and ready, he was asleep at friends house so we decided to make the most of a quiet night!
Bear in mind that even if you want dd1 to be around for the birth, you'll need to have a plan for someone to look after her if you did need to go to hospital for any reason.

[motherinferior]

I'm a great worrier-ahead - simply can't trust it'll 'all work out OK', so this really worried me too. And, of course, there is the issue of what you do if you do end up going to hospital. I tried vaguely to set up a rota of friends, and had an agreement that dd1 could stay overnight at her childminder if I went into labour while she was there. Which is what happened, as it worked out. I'd do the rota thang, Pidge. And put me on it.

Incidentally (a) my dd2 was born at 20.38, not at night (b) I have to say that my sister was born at home while I played on the balcony outside, and I am sorry to say that it did not mean I bonded fabulously with the baby. In fact I was totally horrid to her, for about 10 years....

[Pidge]

MI yup I already have my lists on the go! A rota it will be, with double, triple, quadruple backups.

[treacletart]

Sorry If I'm just repeating what others have said but my friend had her her DD2 at home, at night and DD1 slept through - apparantly her midwife said this happens almost all the time. Must be so magical for them to find a little brother or sister when they wake up

[Socci]

Message withdrawn

[Lua]

Thank you all for your comments. The main problem is that I just recently move to England, so I don't really have anyone to count on for help. Especially double, triple back-up plans.... My MIL said she would come, but it is so hard to plan ahead.... It is not like I can call her in, since she is on the other side of the atlantic....
So,am I right though to think that would probably not be a good idea to have DD around?
Also, does anyone know how flexible the planing can be? For example can I say I want a home birth, but decide in the last minute to go to the hospital if baby comes early,and I have no back-up?

[motherinferior]

You can change your mind at any point, but what will you do with your daughter if you go to hospital anyway?

You could also consider hiring a doula for the birth/backup at home...