Having your mum with you when you're in labour. Personally I can't imagine anything less helpful!

(85 Posts)
TepidCoffee Thu 14-Feb-13 17:26:11

But it seems the norm? (based on extensive viewing of OBEM).

Don't get me wrong, I love my DM dearly, but she worries so much and I find it stressful. Plus I would hate the idea of giving her an eyeful <boak>. I'm an awful prude grin.

MadBusLady Mon 18-Feb-13 12:26:10

My mum can be a right snarky cowbag and we're sometimes not particularly close, but I would absolutely want her to have my back in labour. She can crush medical staff with a single look.

duchesse Mon 18-Feb-13 10:17:57

I can't imagine that any of my labours would have been helped by the presence of my mother. In fact my sister had our mother as a birth partner and really wished she hadn't. My mother has an uncanny knack of always making everything about her.

dotcomlovenest Mon 18-Feb-13 10:02:22

I feel sorry for dp's when mums are there on obem. They tend to hover around getting side lined by the mum. Which makes perfect sense if their dd is in pain and they are being a bit naff at first. I always think that given the opportunity men will step up to the mark in suppprting their partners. If the opportunity does not arise then why would they if they think all their partners needs are being met by someone eles. I didn't have my mum there and wouldn't for any subsequent births. I think dp would be a bit insulted if I suggested it.

ZuleikaJambiere Mon 18-Feb-13 03:49:05

My Mum was on stand by for DC2 as DH had to go away for 3 days at 37 weeks. I did everything in my power not to go into labour during that time so she wouldn't be needed. As it was, she rang me about 4 hours after DH had left to tell me she'd left her mobile at a friends and wouldn't be getting it back for 2 days, and not to try her on the landline as she was going out so wouldn't answer. Really reliable!

However she was a marvel on our first day at home both times. Whereas DH and I were both shell shocked in that 'oh my god, we have a baby, how did that happen' way, Mum was practical. Came round and made sandwiches, ran me a bath, loaded the washing machine and then went away again. We wouldn't have achieved any of that!

notnagging Mon 18-Feb-13 03:22:08

No way! Mine was so annoying with my first one. I had to send her out. She kept telling me to calm down. She's still upset I'm sure but my mum has away of turning everything round to her, even labour!

Newmum2013 Mon 18-Feb-13 03:04:58

I plan on having my mum and dh at the birth. We are very close and I wouldn't want it any other way xx

fromwesttoeast Sun 17-Feb-13 13:52:27

Had my last one in late 30s, so not a youngster!!!

fromwesttoeast Sun 17-Feb-13 13:51:13

My mum has been there every time. She was happy to help. My DH did not want to be there. Much too scary for him. That suited me too. I wouldn't want him to be forced to see me in pain.

dondon33 Sun 17-Feb-13 13:17:12

catching shockangry How bloody ignorant and inconsiderate.

charlee that made me laugh, I can just imagine her thinking 'I'll have a quick pop in now BEFORE the nitty gritty starts' smile Oopsies!

exexpat Sun 17-Feb-13 10:30:03

I was 6,000 miles from home when I had both mine, and didn't even tell my mother when I was in labour because she would just have been constantly worrying for however many hours it took.

If she had actually been in the room I would probably have felt obliged to spend the whole time reassuring her that I was fine and it didn't hurt at all, really... (she's an anxious sort)

PuzzleRocks Sun 17-Feb-13 10:17:48

DH was glad to have my mother there, but then they have a great relationship. He stayed home with DD1 second time around so I had my Mum and eldest sister.
Nothing intrusive about it at all, my Mum is a brilliant grandmother and would never try to overstep boundaries. People don't fit neatly into boxes.

Pricklypickup Sun 17-Feb-13 10:15:03

My mum asked if I minded if she sat quietly in the corner for both of mine, because she said not being there while her dd was in pain was more than she could cope with.

I was unfussed and so was dh. She sat in the corner didn't say a word had a quick cuddle after dh and I and then disappeared for 48 hours. So that was why she was allowed to do it for the second child!

Catchingmockingbirds Sun 17-Feb-13 10:13:04

Mine appeared when I was in labour, the hospital phoned her to get in touch with dp as I had used her phone to call the midwife before I went in and for some reason that was the number they saved for DP. She just invited herself up and sat in the delivery suite, the midwife said that only one birthing partner was allowed with me (ie DP!) but she just sat there and didn't leave. I was too polite to ask her to leave but I wish I had just said to her. She just sat there the whole time doing nothing, occasionally complaining about being hungry hmm.

Viviennemary Sun 17-Feb-13 10:12:38

I agree. My mother would have been the last person I wanted. In fact if I had my time over again I don't think I'd have anyone I knew.

PuzzleRocks Sun 17-Feb-13 10:08:25

My Mum was present at both, her experience (5 children), and her riotous sense of humour were what got me through. I wouldn't have had it any other way. It means the world to me that she was there, but then I always knew she would be; my sisters had her present at some of theirs and as I was at the birth of my niece I got to see how much she helped.

She helped me shower when I could barely stand after each delivery. Only my Mum could have done that. DH is amazing but I wouldn't have wanted him to see me that vulnerable, not least because he faints at the sight of blood.

My mum and my sister have been there through all 3 of my labours, although my last one she refused point blank to come with me saying she couldnt do it again. She popped in to say hello and see how I was getting on and baby just kinda popped out grin

ShhBoom Sun 17-Feb-13 09:57:03

I had my mum & DP with me. I wanted her there as she knew what is was like, and while DP tried his best, he didn't really have a clue.

She wasn't there for the birth as I had an EMCS but she was amazing throughout the labour & I'd definitely have her there again!

PuzzleRocks Sun 17-Feb-13 09:57:01

My Mum was present at both, I w

dondon33 Sun 17-Feb-13 09:51:06

Mine came in with DS1 along with ex-h. I asked her to come as I was scared (I was 17) I also thought ex-h would be useless. She didn't interfere and mostly stayed in the background but was there when I needed her at my side.
I would have happily have had her present for 2 and 3 but she had other idea's - while she loved seeing her first GC enter the world, she vowed NEVER AGAIN, she couldn't cope with seeing me in so much pain and not being able to do anything.
After being present myself at a birth (my DSis) I can quite understand where my DM was coming from, as I felt I would rather be the one giving birth than watch it (I know I'm strange smile)

MrsMargoLeadbetter Sat 16-Feb-13 19:56:43

My DM joined DH and I at 7am aftet we called her as planned. I'd been in labour since 1am.

DH was my support, but mum was helpful in the background. Then once DS arrived at 8:42am, DH was able to go home to sleep leaving me with DS and DM.

It worked really well. I also love that she was there to see the arrival of DS.

Hope a repeat with DC2 in June but thinking labour will be even quicker etc so not sure if it will work out.

I had both my mum and DH with me when I had DD. I was induced at 36 weeks for IUGR and thought it would take a long time. We hadn't been to antenatal classes and I didn't think DH would be particularly helpful, but knew my mum would be (she used to be a midwife a long long time ago). I'm very close to my mum & I feel more comfortable veing vulnerable in front of my her than DH. I also wanted someone there to look after DH!

It was great having her there. She was really supportive and it meant so much to her to see her first GC being born. Her own mother died when she was a child and I think she feels that she missed out on sharing things like getting married/having children with her own mother and wants to give me what she couldn't have. She's an amazing grandmother and she's always telling me how well I'm doing as a mum and never offers any unsolicited advice. I'm so glad I could share DD's birth with her.

exoticfruits Sat 16-Feb-13 19:40:59

A husband will be useless if his wife and MIL edge him out!

5madthings Sat 16-Feb-13 18:12:47

Good god no way would I have wanted my mother there!

But when I had my 5th, dd, my ds1 was at the birth as he wanted to be. I said yes but that he had to be quiet and I may change my mind. As it was he sat quietly the whole time, then cut the cord once dd was born and I have amazing photos of him holding dd at minutes old. But he was there to watch, dp was there to support me.

notcitrus Sat 16-Feb-13 18:03:41

I only know a couple women who had mothers there, both had practical mothers and rather useless husbands!

I was hugely glad when my mother said she'd be abroad at the time. Though as I was premature she rang nearly every day from 23 weeks in case I'd had it...

Chunderella Sat 16-Feb-13 16:42:34

My mum was there when DD was born and I couldn't have done it without her. I hadn't initially planned for her to be there. At my NCT class, they said it was a good idea to work out in advance who'd go with who if eg baby needed to go to special care and you were in theatre. As my mum has had 4 CS, she knows pretty much everything there is to know about them and so DH and I thought that if that were to happen, he'd go with DD and my mum would stay with me (also I was quite frightened of having to have a CS and really wanted to avoid it if at all possible). So we weren't planning for her to be there in the delivery room, which is where I gave birth. But I ended up with such a long and exhausting labour, when she came to see me I asked her to stay- looking after me was a 2 person job, as it turned out!

You should be able to have whoever you want as a birth partner, TepidCoffee. Just be aware that you might change your mind once you're actually doing it!

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