Feeling really horrid. :( Anxiety or the result of giving birth?

[AgathaTrunchbull]

Gave birth to my daughter last Friday. She was induced and eventually born by forceps delivery. I lost quite a lot of blood and had an episiotomy. I'm taking iron tablets and a couple of lots of antibiotics until the end of the week.

So that's the background... I actually felt alright while I was still in hospital, but since we came home I've been feeling awful quite a bit of the time - particularly in the evening and at night. I feel the need to urinate a few times an hour, although I'm not incontinent - I can ignore it for a while if I want. It's just very uncomfortable At the other end, I was constipated for a day or so, then had a day of constantly producing black/green sludge (sorry), now another day of constipation. I also feel quite nauseous, although this isn't all the time.

Sleeping's a problem. Can't sleep for more than an hour at a time and more often 20-30 mins.

What I'm wondering is if any of this is down to anxiety? I've had several bursts of emotional break-down over dealing with a difficult start to breastfeeding and four almost completely sleepless nights during labour and immediately afterwards. The fact I feel worse at night makes me wonder if it's just a psychological reaction to worrying how much we'll be able to sleep at night and just generally not being able to switch off. My husband is utterly amazing and doing more than his fair share of childcare, so I have no rational reason to worry. I'll discuss this all with my midwife, who should be visiting the day after tomorrow, but that seems a long way off.

Thoughts and advice (if you're still reading, thank you) much appreciated.

[Themobstersknife]

So sorry to hear you are feeling so poorly. Congratulations on the birth of your baby.
Are you breathless at all? I felt horrible about two weeks after the birth of DD2, was very anxious at night and breathless. It turns out I had a blood clot on my lung and was very poorly.
Am sure this will not be the case with you unless you have other symptoms or risk factors like I did, but I believe my anxiety was my body and mind's way of telling me something was wrong. I am not normally anxious. Please try and see your GP tomorrow or call the midwife to see if she will come early.
Wishing you better soon.

[josiejay]

You poor poor love...you are probably exhausted. Your body has been through an incredibly traumatic experience and you are sleep deprived too. Not to mention emotionally exhausted!

I had a similar birth to yours and for the first few weeks I couldn't think about it without getting tearful amd ridiculously i felt that i had 'messed up' giving birth somehow! But that passed fairly quickly as i settled into being a mum.

Please do talk to the midwife about how you are feeling and to your DH too (glad he is being so lovely). The constipation and black poo are probably a result of the iron tablets by the way (I had a similar shock myself!).

[cakebaby]

Hi, nothing useful to say but didn't want to read & run. Congratulations on the birth of your DD. Your body is a cauldron of hormones so give yourself a cuddle & try to relax a bit. I can't imagine not feeling the emotional roller coaster just a few days after welcoming your new baby. I'm sure you'll feel chirpier in no time ;)

[PickledInAPearTree]

I had similar op. low iron makes you feel rubbish and supplements give you green poo.

How does the site feel itself?

[PickledInAPearTree]

If your poo is hard & sore senokot comfort are good just to squish them a bit..

[StitchAteMySleep]

Go easy on yourself, it is early days and it sounds like your birthing experience was quite traumatic.

When you are in the hospital, although you just want to be in the comfort of your own home, it is like there is a safety net and the enormity of becoming a parent and having this small being depend on you hasn't quite sunk in (even if it isn't your first). Especially if your birth was difficult or traumatic as you are recovering physically too.

I had a large pph during my last EMCS and it took weeks to get my iron levels up. Anaemia can make you feel low and quite breathless. I took Spatone alternated with iron tablets as the tablets make you quite constipated. Antibiotics can also mess with your bowel motions and make you feel nauseous. It might be worth you taking a pro-biotic like acidophilus and also lactulose to help with the constipation.

It took me months to recover from the attempted forceps I had during my first EMCS, your body needs to heal inside so urinating more frequently could be related to that. Again give yourself time.

It is entirely normal to feel tired and emotional, especially with all the hormones wizzing around. I was a blubbering mess with my first when my milk first came in.

Also all your senses are heightened to listen out for your newborn, your body gears itself up for frequent waking when the baby might feed.

Keep it simple, you focus on baby and baby's needs. DH sorts the food. Sit around feeding and eating chocolate. Have nice baths and watch crap tv. Do small things that make you feel good.

Hope you feel better soon x

[AgathaTrunchbull]

Thank you all for your help and sympathy.

Themobstersknife, no, not breathless and I'm a bit of a worrier anyway. Will keep an eye on that, though.

Pickled the site of the stitches feels fine - the community midwife said the stitches were beautiful. It's a bit uncomfortable to wipe, but relatively okay.

Back to producing sludge - don't really understand why I'm going from constipation to loose slools and back again daily. Will give the hospital midwives a call in a bit and see what they think.

DD only has a big cry about four times a day, and always for a good reason (being changed, hungry, etc), but I can feel panic creep in the moment I hear her begin. I realise we're having what's probably an easy time of it, but finding it hard to deal with at the moment.

[AgathaTrunchbull]

Stitch Thank you so much for the reassurance - I'm sure you're absolutely right. I'm really hoping all this gets a bit better once I'm off the medication.

[Gintonic]

Lots of good advice here and I second what stitch says. I had a traumatic birth and I had a lot of trouble sleeping afterwards. Try and get rest in the day if you can, perhaps with radio or tv on quietly for background noise if it helps. Your brain has a huge amount of stuff to deal with, processing what you went through in your birth and gearing you up to look after your baby. You will get back to your normal self but it takes time.

There can be lots of pressure on you to be all happy and smiling when you have had a baby, but I think most people probably don't feel that way inside, or at least not all the time.

Take care x

[gwenniebee]

Poor you :( Didn't want to read and run. I had a very straightforward birth and basically just cried through the first week, so I think that's probably normal!

Can you get/are you taking arnica tablets for the internal bruising?

It's all so new and overwhelming, but it does get better :)

[munchkinmaster]

I remember being so awfully sad in the evenings around then. Really tearful, never felt anything like it in my life. Scared myself thinking I was getting Pnd - then it just went, all of a sudden

I'd get yourself physically checked out, your body has been through the ringer

[munchkinmaster]

So it's no wonder there are some bits of discomfort. Ask your midwife but give yourself time to heal. This is the most physical stress you will prob ever put your body through.

[munchkinmaster]

I also remember that panic, used to creep up - what if I can't settle her. You get there, is all normal but no one admits it!

[BeebiesQueen]

I dont know if anyones already said it, but you can call your midwife and ask her to come out today, tonight, tomorrow etc. you dont have to wait till their designated days. for the first 4 weeks you and baby are under their care and they are there if you need them.

Be gentle with yourself, baby is 5 days old, thats still fresh. it sounds like a traumitic birth and that will be hard for anyone. being in hospital surrounded by hcp is safe, being at home is scary. Be gentle and phone your mw tonight or tomorrow

[StormyWeek]

Hi Agatha
What you're feeling is so normal. I felt so anxious and ill at ease for the first few weeks after my first. I would say it felt like constant dread, and evenings were the worst,as someone has already said.

When I spoke to my post natal group afterwards, 100 per cent said that they had felt the same - but people just don't seem to talk about it at the time.

Do you have any friends who are mums? I know we can all tell you how normal you're feelings are, but perhaps you need to hear it from a pal.

I remember looking at my new baby lying beside me and thinking " God, I'm doing such a bad job of this, what will her parents think when they come to collect her?" and it hit me like a ton of bricks that I was her mother and it was all up to me. It still makes me teary to remember that fear.

Your body and your life has and is going through such change. It will get better really soon, you just need to recover. I went on to have 4 children in all, and it was only with my youngest that I didn't experience the anxiety and dread, and it was a much happier experience.

Sleep is key, and you'll feel much more sane if you can get 2/3 hours in a row. All of mine slept brilliantly on Daddy's chest in a baby bjorn, while I would get a power nap.

The key to great parenting, at this early stage, is to stay sane. Just that. You don't have to get feeding perfect, baby doesn't have to be immaculate, the house can fall to wrack and ruin. Just eat well, get some sleep and cuddle your baby x

[StormyWeek]

Another thing that might help is to get rid of the clock at night. First time mums really obsess about what time baby woke up, how long they fed, how much sleep they got etc.
What purpose does it serve, really? I remembr trying to remember all the times, just to be able to report it the next day to whomever would listen. Knowing that baby fed 2 or 3 times over the night is sufficient, and stops the crazed clock watching that we all know so well.
On my first, I was induced, episiotomy, ventouse. My poor undercarriage! Your poor undercarriage- I have truly felt your pain. It does pass, and I do remember being OBSESSED with my bowel movement. It does pass, if you'll pardon the pun!
Go to sleep, that's an order x

[duende]

Hi OP, congratulations!
I remember that feeling of panic, too.
I just wanted to say that my first lot of iron supplements made me feel dreadful - constipation, black loose stools and terrible stomach cramps. I spoke to my GP and she put me on different supplements, which I seem to be tolerating better. Maybe something to consider?

Like others have said, you are exhausted, and lack of sleep doesn't help. You will feel a little bit more human every day.