Nasty calculating 11yr old bully

[MeMudmagnet]

My dd is in yr6. She's having alot of problems atm with a girl in her year. She lives down the road from us and they became friendly in the summer hols last year.

I always had my reservations about this girl, but decided I should keep out it.

Over the last year all other friendships diminished. The girl was always blowing hot & cold with dd and sometimes lashing out. There always seemed to be excuses for this happening.

My dd tends to bottle things up and I found out a while ago that she had been kicked and punched by this girl at school (Another Mum told me her dd had seen it happening) Her legs were badly bruised.

I phoned the girls Mum who I'd always got on OK with, to be told her dd was covered in bruises and she'd been into the school about it! She had no idea there might be 2 sides!!

After talking to dd (and cross questioning her) it seems that dd had been trying to play with other girls and the girl wouldn't let her, tried to pull her away and kicked her etc when she resisted. She also turned the story around. When told the attack had been witnessed she said my dd and her friend (the witness) had been bulling her and her Mum believed it.

They have been told to keep away from each other. I took photos of the bruising into dd's teacher (as advised to my Mumsnetters)

Since then the girl is constantly trying to get dd into trouble, making up lies and playing the victim.

Nobody seems to be doing anything much and she is getting more and more devious.

My daughter came home today and said the girl had written a note in two styles of handwriting, trying to make it look like an exchange between the two of them. She briefly showed her the note, then said "I'm telling"
She's also now trying to come between the new friendships that dd is trying to establish, making up lies to try and turn people against dd.
This is all done very quietly and sneakily.

Why is nobody taking her aside and telling her to stop it. The school seem to think it's a friendship gone wrong and it'll blow over.

I don't know what to do. This girl is a poisonous little bitch and it's just seems to be getting worse.

[PruneJuice]

will they be going on to the same secondary school?

[MeMudmagnet]

Thanks for replying. I'm getting in a right old state over this.

Unfortunately, Yes. Although I have put in a request for them to be separated and will try to make sure they won't be on the same school bus, although I don't know if this will be possible yet.

[CarGirl]

I would make an appointment with the head and discuss the whole issue with HT and ask them for suggestions as what you can do to help your daughter and what they are going to do to resolved the situation.

If they won't then write to the governers. Putting everything in writing can often put the wind up schools to help when previously they haven't bothered.

[probonbon]

Take it much further. The head. This is more than a friendship gone wrong, which implies mutuality.

I'm sorry I do think this is one for "storming up the school".

[PruneJuice]

sounds a nightmare situation and it really does need to be sorted prior to secondary school. Was hoping you were going to say they would go their seperate ways in the summer, but obviously not.

Good idea to warn the secondary school that there have been issues.

I presume that there are only one class per year at her primary? just thinking that a change of classroom may be a good idea.

[probonbon]

Yes alert the secondary -- ask that they be in different classes. She can't be allowed to make a misery of your daughter's fresh start.

Raise hell. But quietly, confidently, insistently and articulately. No one else will do this for her. No one is helping her. You are the only one who can.

[MeMudmagnet]

There are 2 classes per year in the school and they are in different classes. The classes are sometimes split into ability groups and they are in the same group and on the same table for one subject.

I went into school today, when she came out and told me what had happened and the teacher said it was time to move them on to separate tables. I just hope she doesn't separate dd from the new friends she's trying to establish. The teacher thinks the easter break will help!?

I'm also really worried this will follow her to secondary.

[probonbon]

Ask her not to separate dd from her new friends. Ask her to make sure the other girl is moved. Squeaky wheel gets the grease.

[MeMudmagnet]

I'm certainly going to do my best and I'm making a real effort over the easter break to have her friends over as much as possible.

DD seems to have real trouble opening up about this. She's talking to me but said her other friends don't really know how bad it's got.
The other girl wrote something petty on the School moodle forum about dd, "I hate , she's so ....." DD said she left the page open at school hoping her teacher would notice, he didn't. When I asked her why she didn't just tell him, she said, she couldn't because the girl was in the room. She seems really intimidated by her and each time there's a problem the school sit them down TOGETHER to talk it through!

[MeMudmagnet]

Just to update.

I wrote to the head on Monday and he spoke to the girls separately. We have an appointment to meet with him tomorrow.

However, true to this girls style, I found out from another parent, that when he questioned her, she told him that I'VE been intimidating her by glaring at her and her Sister, pointing at her and threatening her!

This girl has a serious problem and it seems she will stop at nothing.

She obviously has no evidence to back up her claims, but I'm getting worried where this is going next.

[beingbestmum]

Hi,my 14 year old went was bullied by a group of girls. I originally reported this to the school but requested that the head of year do not confront the girls bec my daughter was afraid of repercussions-told the school I was reporting it in case it got worse and that they should keep an eye on the girls. Things did improve but then got even worse till the head stepped in. The school takes a firm stand against bullying and tried to help but we underestimated the repercussion and how bold these girls could be.They continued their bullying on a smaller scale but just as awful. They never did enough to get themselves excluded from school but enough to make her miserable. They finally backed off when my daugher effectively fought back- answered them back, made new friends, and refused to be cowed by them. it took a lot of talking, support to get her to do this, but she is stronger now. Never realised how truly nasty they could be!