Should I approach the bully myself?

[chardom]

My son is in yr 7 at school and is having a miserable time at the moment. He is the smallest in his year group of 26 children and a few boys are being very nasty to him but there is one in particular who is the ring-leader from what I can gather. At lunchtimes he demands my son hands over his lunch and when he is refused he will kick my boy under the table. Similar low level things like this have been happening for a few weeks now but yesterday things got worse when son noticed his hockey stick, which he bought from the school shop last week, had been taken from his locker just before games lesson. He went to the field and saw this bully with his stick who insisted it belonged to him and that my son was trying to steal it as he couldn't afford to buy his own. My son was able to describe the markings on the wood and the teacher gave it back to son but bully made sure he told everyone else on way back to changing rooms that my son had pinched it off him and son was very upset when I picked him up as he said some f the other kids had been offhand with him for the rest of the day . Son doesn't want me to go into school at the moment and I was wondering if I should try and approach the bully and have a quiet word with him to warn him off. Will this make the situation worse?? Not sure what to do!

[BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny]

Approach the school and write down a list of incidents and dates. Don't try and tackle the little shite bully yourself.

[RatherBeOnThePiste]

No, don't do it yourself, but without any hesitation, meet with the Head of Year, form tutor to sort this out.

[sb6699]

No, no, no! You need to speak to the school outlining each incident separately and get them to deal with it.

[chardom]

I have been keeping a record of what's happening but my son isn't aware of this as I don't want him to wonder why I'm writing it all down! I think he is just hoping it will all go away but I don't think it will and I hate the thought that other children might think my son is a thief when he isn't. What makes it laughable is that this bully comes from a wealthy family and has no need to take other boys stuff as he could afford to buy several! I struggled to sleep last night as I was so angry about how upset my son was and I couldn't let it all out in front of him as I didn't want to make the situation worse.
Why are some kids so nasty

[shushpenfold]

NO - approach school and DO NOT under any circumstances approach the boy - surest way to get into trouble with his parents and the school.

[GrungeBlobPrimpants]

No - the school has to deal with this

You need - list of incidents, time, dates etc written down

You need to contact form teacher/pastoral head of year and report. It won't go away, it needs to be tackled and tackled asap before it gets any worse. Good luck

[chardom]

Thanks for your advice. I will talk to my son when he gets home and explain that I need to speak to the school even though he doesn't want me too as it will be the best way of sorting it out.
I will however continue to stick pins in the playdoh doll I made earlier today so that I can vent some of my frustration and anger at the little horror who is hurting my darling son!!

[sylvielt]

My eldest son had a similar problem - which moved schools with him. The school was not particularly helpful but their eyes were, at least opened to it. My son did not know we had approached the school and would have been horrified if he had.
We cracked the problem by teaching him some coping mechanisms:
that bullies were often masking the fact that they were scared/insecure/inadequate, that if he thought he was a victim, the chances were that other people would too so, if he showed (despite what he was feeling inside)that it was not affecting him, eventually they would see they were not getting the reaction they desired and it would go away
and that, if possible (but rather a risky strategy), he should try to turn the tables on the bully by making him look an idiot (but only if it did not leave him open to looking an idiot himself)
It did not happen overnight (it was never going to) but, when it did, he had learned a very valuable life lesson and it has given him a huge amount of confidence.