5 year old upset

[brownieMum]

My DD who is in Year1 has come home the second time upset. At first she got knocked off in the playground by a girl but I understand she was dealt with and she has not done anything to hurt her again.

Today when I picked my DD the first thing that came of her mouth was that all the boys in the class had come on her in the playground saying na na na na on her face. She also said that the teachers and other children were watching when this happened. She has also been previously called names by one of the boys in her class. In all incidents my daughter has reported to me and to the teachers. However the teachers have not since told me anything.

In the playground my dd has noone to play with other than leaning on me and watching other kids play. She has one friend but she has been saying today that she hits her. She does not seem friendly and her friend cried when we invited her for tea saying she wanted to go to her mum. She seem to be initiating the friendship.

On the other hand the school is in a village and I have noone that I speak with even a good morning at the school. Even with her best friends mum she comes around and ignores me and pretends she does not know me even when my daughter has been to her home several times and even a sleepover.

Now it seems as if both my daughter and I feel isolated and I am thinking of moving her in another school. Am I doing the right thing here?

[ronshar]

This sounds horrible for your little girl. It is awful when they havent got anyone to play with.
Does the school not have a friendship bench or some thing similar?
Have you spoken to your DD's teacher about this. Surely they have noticed what is happening.
Also do you mean that a mum who's house your DD has slept in ignores you in public? Whats that all about?

[busybutterfly]

I think you need to make more of an effort and talk to the other mums. May be difficult if you're shy but otherwise it'll be you and your DD against the rest of the school.

When you take her in tomorrow make eye contact with 2 or 3 mums and say "Good morning!". When you've done this for a few days (to different mums!) it'll be easier to chat.

Good luck.

[moosemama]

I would speak to the teacher and explain how unhappy dd is and why.

When ds2 (also aged 5) was unhappy because he had no-one to play with and some boys were being unkind to him at playtimes, I spoke to his teacher and not only were the boys concerned dealt with swiftly and appropriately, but his teacher also found him a 'buddy' from his class. His buddy was asked to go with him into the playground at playtimes, be his friend and help him to join in with the other children. It really helped him to feel that he could join in with the others.

Its now a couple of weeks on and he still plays with his buddy most playtimes, but has learned that its ok to be on his own sometimes and also he can ask to join in with a game even if no-one specifically asks him to play with them. We still have days where he isn't entirely happy with how his playtimes have gone but generally speaking he is a much happier, more confident little boy.

[brownieMum]

Yes the mum whose house my DD slept with ignores me in public. She only ever came to speak to me when she wants to arrange playdates which she last did in the summer. Its also not completely that I do no talk to other mums but have a few and most of the ones I talk to are busy at work at times and see them rarely in the playground. Anyway thats not a big deal- really I would not care a lot about other mums if my daughter was happy and having a good time at school.I have tried talking to and getting out of my way to talk to other mums but it proves hard and ends up distressing me. I have been to see the teacher before with other unrelated issue and will wait until consultation in the next coming weeks. I will write the issues down and will try and raise the issues and see how it goes.

[ronshar]

IMy DD1 is now in year 5. I didn't make a big effort with the mums then and she suffered for it. No tea invites etc. Found it hard at playtime.
DD2 just started at school & I am trying really hard and so far we have have had a tea invite every week.
It makes all the difference to your daughters ability to be accepted by the other children.
In my experience.

Def talk to the teacher. But also talk to your DD. She has to understand that she needs to try to make friends as well. If she stands on the side then that is where she will stay. It is a rare child who will take the initiative and approach a child standing alone.

[brownieMum]

She has had a few playdates and was taken to a a days out int the summer with the other girl in her class. I rarely see the mum anyway as she works full time. They played quite well and she enjoyed it. There is also another girl who came over and they played quite well and had no problems. However it has been so unfortunate everytime I try to arrange playdates with these people they turn them down because of their busy schedules.

Today I felt sorry for my dd in the playground. She screamed and ran over to the girl she calls her friend and she totally ignored her. Although I know that there are other children in her class whom she can play with well, she is always has got that friend of hers in her mind. Everytime she goes over to what she calls her friend in the playground and all the time she is ignored.I think my dd is pushing over the friendship and I just feel nothing but sad this morning. She is then left standing alone and just starring and today went and pulled her over. I know that even if I make an effort which I have already done she will still want to go over that girl. She does tennis, attends an after school club at times, does dancing classes outside school and she also goes to a sunday school at a local church. When she is doing these extra activities she plays well with the children and she is happy however when we arrive at her school gate she thinks of nothing but her friend.

[giveloveachance]

Any chance of inviting the friend and the mum over one sat morning for coffee / play? or suggest meet up at a play area so the girls can run around while you chat to the other mum?

Can you talk to your DD about sometimes playing with the other children, then the girl she really likes might then join in?

Its very good she has other activities and enjoys them, perhaps one or two of the children there could be invited home - with the mums so you get to know them?

Its very very hard, I moved into a new area and I have struggled with this too - and about to move again, so not looking forward to it, as I am shy and find chatting very difficult, but I know I have to make friends with the other mums - but it is a lesson for your dd that sometimes no matter how much we want someone to like us, they dont have to and there is nothing we can do about it. Play with the children that want to play with her.