Dont know where to start really, I promise I will try not to ramble!
My DD is 10 (almost 11) and in Year 6. We have a 3-tier system where we live so she moved up to this school in Year 5. There were a couple of friendship issues during Year 5 (her best friend from first school made other new friends quickly and my DD got left behind and 'left out'), but towards end of Year 5 DD made what seemed like a 'best friend' and also mentioned a few other names of girls (none of which I knew, at middle school you dont tend to do collect and drop off, they walk home generally). Anyway the last couple of months DD has told me & DH on quite a few occasions that - let's call her No.1 friend - doesnt want to play with her and 'goes off' with another new friend, leaving my DD on her own. This No. 1 friend is very quiet and my DD is not that quiet, but then again she's not 'in your face/loud' either. I think really the friendship hasnt lasted because they are different, but although I have gently tried to explain this to my DD she still (even today after school) says "oh they didnt want to play with me again today and they stayed inside at lunchtime drawing pictures while I went and stood outside in the playground by the wall". So today I asked (as I have done on other times she has told me this has happened) "why not go and find someone else to hang around with during lunchtime, what about ..... or ......." - I dont think I'm being pushy (I dont want to tell her who to play with FGS!), but she says "but they play IT or Bulldog and I dont want to run around really" (she has had a throat infection and last week tonsilitis - spelling) so she is not herself at the moment anyway. Then another group I suggested she says "well i do like her and her, but they hang around with boys and I dont like any of them"
I think as well she doesnt know how to go up and say "Hi, can I hang around with you". I sort of suggested that too but she then just looks a bit upset and says "ok mum can we not talk about it anymore". I said "ok but you are telling me you're not happy standing in the playground on your own so I'm trying to suggest things".
All I want is for her to be happy, is that too much to ask? I have told her she has to help herself, I can't physically go and get friends for her! She says "I know I know". I have taken the stance lately of leaving her to get on with it, but it's very very hard thinking of her on her own, if she is not happy being on her own. Over the past 9 months (if not longer) me and DH have suggested her joining lunchtime clubs/after-school clubs but she makes excuses for everything we suggest, so then we think "right let's just leave her to make up her own mind". She has gone through all the 'usual' out of school activities over the years such as dancing, rainbows, brownies you name it, but currently doesnt want to do anything. She has recently given up horseriding lessons (my mum & dad treated her to some lessons for her birthday), she was getting on well and enjoying it, but one week she had a bit of a scare and almost came off the horse, since then has not wanted to go back - i cant force her can i?!
The other day we had another chat and I asked her (after leaving it for a few weeks) if she would like to start up something out of school again, she said she didnt want to do any sports type clubs, apart from trampolining. So I am in the process of looking at that, also she has shown interest in a cookery club that is being run after half-term - nothing to do with her school though - she loves cooking.
I really feel fed up - for her - and at the end of my tether, worrying worrying worrying! My DH emailed her form tutor back in October about all this but he assured DH that she is a popular member of the class and seems to have lots of friends. BUT HE ISNT IN THE PLAYGROUND AT LUNCHTIME AND BREAK OBVIOUSLY!
Any advice would be greatly received, thank you so much...
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So worried about my DD (but it's not bullying) is it?
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stellsie · 19/01/2009 18:33
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