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Friendships need some advice please - bit long.

5 replies

Waltzywotzy · 16/11/2008 22:11

DD2 (10yrs) was anxious about school tonight and was in tears again before she went to sleep again. She wants to play with some other friends but is worried about getting into trouble from class mate A. This worry stems from the problems last year between class mate A and another child where there was tension. Child A is quite possessive of my dd and dd puts up with her (to keep the peace) but her other friends don't and because child A makes dds other friends unwelcome when playing.
I have told her to stand up and say "No I am playing with X and X" for instance, but when she tries to play with her other friends, this leaves child A, going off crying and dd2 then going up to say sorry because she feels bad. I have told dd2 to take no notice, but she is worried she will get into trouble by child A reporting her to the teachers, or by telling dds other friends she is being mean. DD is isolating herself from her other friends incase she gets into trouble and is becoming increasingly sad about going to school.

What should I do?

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NotBigJustBolshy · 16/11/2008 22:18

Go and see the class teacher? They might be able to shed some more light on the situation. Sad to say, my dd (also 10) had some very similar problems a couple of years ago and they were only really solved when she and her friends went up to middle school and all ended up in different classes. I have done lots of things with my dd to try and help her become more assertive, and she is getting there slowly. Not very helpful am I? Sorry.

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Waltzywotzy · 16/11/2008 22:27

Thanks I think I will, but only to let them know of the situation.

On Friday (children in need) they all took bears in to school and this child was playing catch with dd and 2 others and throwing dds bear as the item to catch. The this child threw my dds bear on the floor and then went off to cry because she wanted to play something else and they all wanted to carry on! DD went up and said sorry.

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AJ2008 · 20/11/2008 15:03

You really do need to let the Class Teacher know what is going on. Child A is manipulating and controlling your daughter and the school needs to sort this out Assertiveness in children needs to be learned and the school needs to help them learn it.

Keeping Child A happy is not your daughter's responsibility and Child A is taking advantage of her good nature.

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tillytips · 21/11/2008 14:20

this sounds so much like my own story that i have to say something.
My daughter had been controlled by her "friend A" for eighteen months untill this september when i gave the school an ultimatum deal with it or i will. I did!!

She was so controlled to the point where she was not allowed to send christmas cards, she hid all her party invites because "a" didn't want her to invite anyone. Went she went to their house she made herself physically sick both times so she could come home.She was allowed no other friends.
I finally had enough when they put worms down her back at school, i went to the school for about the tenth time and said i cannot take anymore what are you going to do about it. They had previously told me they would deal with it.
I went to the parents, who now no longer speak to me but i had to do something, she sat in the car one day and said to me i hate my life. I broke my heart. She was also doing it to another girl.
I told the school that if they did not remove her from my daughters class i would go above their heads.
They are in separate classes now, but will be together again next year.
things have been better, my daughter and the other bullied girl are now really good friends, but "A" is still trying to manipulate them in the playground. the new headteacher stepped in last week and told her to keep out of their way.
DD work has improved dramatically (she was not allowed to be better than girl A in class, otherwise she would be excluded)
but i dread next year, i am so worried already. I have decided that iw ill write to the secondary school when she goes there, to ensure that they are not put in the same tutor group as it wil finish dd off.

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mollie1968 · 25/11/2008 14:39

Hi, feel I needed to post as having the same problem with my dd who is 6yrs.She had special friend who was manipulating/controlling and excluding her from play.DD is one of the youngest in the year and this seemed to add to everything. We have built on her confidence and she attends theatre group which has helped,my problem is she is now alot stronger/happier but other child not liking this and not talking(small school so does impact)and trying to involve others. Not sure how to move this forward as DD says she not sure what she has done...I am more concerned that this seems to have spread to others.

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