My 9 year old son has again come from school crying

[andellewi]

I'm still up at 11.30 because I can't sleep. My son has come from school crying again complaining he has no friends in school and no one to play with. The won't let him join in in football, his old pals say they're playing a game where only 2 are alound so he's left wandering the yard on his own. He says he feels so miserable in school and is only happy when he comes home.
He is teased by a certain boy and when he name calls back he's ganged up on. He use to get pushed and kicked like other boys and found that easier to deal with because he'd just hit back. This is more suttle with him and is damaging his confidence. The teachers tell him to find someone else to play with but this doesn't work.
I've always taught him to treat others as he expects to be treated himself which he does. He came from school crying last week and hasn't done this for years.
What do I do, it sounds like bullying to me. He wants to move schools because he is so miserable. Can anyone give me any advice?

[CandleQueen]

You need to take this to the staff at school. They have a duty to help your son. Just telling him to find someone else to play with is not good enough. Please bring it to their attention that he is seriously upset by events in the playground.

[HRHSaintMamazon]

this is most certainly bullying.
how ld is he?

[andellewi]

Yes it does. I think I should make the school aware of what's happening. He's recently asked to sit on his own in class and I wasn't sure what that was all about. He's told me tonight that it's to get away from the name calling etc. Teachers should have sorted that out.

[JellycatShopkeeper]

I'm sorry, it's bloody awful.

My nephew had this, his Mum had to keep on and on at the school. They said it wasn't bullying (twas subtle), But sis's argument was that he felt bullied.

Maybe moving schools would be a good idea, if that's what he wants? In the meantime I would talk to the school, tell them about the crying and all.

Good Luck.

[andellewi]

My son is 9. When he started in that school my health visitor warned me against it. She pulled her son from there when he was 5 because of bullying by a teacher. Unfortunately my son had the same teacher a few years ago and started wetting the bed again. She bullied him basically which started a chain of events with this certain boy who constantly gets under his skin. I should have trusted my instinct and moved him sooner. Unfortunately, I have a dilemma. My daughter is happy there so I will leave her there but do I trust them with my youngest who is 3? No easy decisions when you've got kids.

[andellewi]

Apologies for my spelling by the way, it's normally better that I've displayed!

[JellycatShopkeeper]

Talk to them ande, talk to them lots and see where that gets you.

[andellewi]

Thank you for your help, it certainly feels better sharing it.

[childrenofthecornsilk]

That's awful
You need to go in and see the head. Also speak to the HV and ask can you mention the reasons she withdrew her child. The head should be horrified. As has been said they have a duty of care towards your son.

[Waltzywotzy]

So sorry you have this.
It's so hard, but I have know families split children between schools for exactly the reason you say. No easy answers just lots of sympathy. Get him to write a diary and to keep it and if he wants to he can share it with you. Sometimes writing the things down in the day helps and you can keep a record of events that might go un-noticed by the teachers.

[shabster]

Poor little man - I have had four sons and I lurve little lads. IMO I would go to see the head and write all my worrys and fears down before hand. Your DS is not a little boy and not a teenager - he is stuck in the middle of two 'worlds.' My firstborn, when he was about 11 and in Year 7 at High school kept verbal bullying to himself for 6 months.

It finally ended in my son giving the bully a bloody nose. I hate violence but I cheered out loud when I found out everything that had been going on.

The same bully just started work where my son works and guess what? MY SON IS HIS BOSS

Make an appointment to go and see the Head tomorrow. It's crap to say 'go and find someone else to play with.' Good luck and love and hugs to your DS xxxxxxx

[mumonthenet]

A dad at my children's primary school (years ago) pulled his son out of school practically overnight. this was after getting nowhere with the school where he was being bullied by one particular kid.

the dad told me a while ago that it was the best thing he ever, ever did.

It does sound like that bullying teacher started a chain of events. I would get him out of there by the end of the week. Leave your daughter there and worry about the 3 year old later!!!

[childrenofthecornsilk]

shabster that is real karma!

[shabster]

The Diary idea is fantastic. Its good to write our fears and emotions. xxx

[shabster]

Oh it is the most fantastic Karma I ever heard of

This boy - (they are both 26 now) said to my much loved son - 'Your mum is a crap mum. If both of your brothers have died she must have killed them. You should think about it Danny - you will be next. She's a fat pig as well.' He kept it inside his heart and mind for a long time. I could grab the little shite and knock him out myself. (sorry for the swearing)but my tolerant, wonderful lad ended up doing it for me

[andellewi]

mumonthenet that's spot on. It did spark a chain of events off. My instinct is telling me to move him. He's in a welsh speaking school which he'll lose I'm afraid but he could have so much more to gain - confidence if nothing else. I'm sure kids weren't that spiteful when I was in school but there again, that was a village not a town/city school. My youngest is in the playgroup in the school where they have brought in an educational psychologist to monitor the behaviour of two particular boys there. That's a good sign isn't it. If I leave him in that school he could end up in the same position!

[childrenofthecornsilk]

shabster I am so at that little shit but your ds sounds wonderful!

[andellewi]

Shabster, I had to laugh when I read your messages, how great is that. And your comment about grabbing the little *, that's how it makes you feel. That's why I'm still up at midnight feeling totally stressed and not in control.

[JuxBackFromTheDead]

Yes keep a diary. My dd (now 9) was bullied through the whole of year 4 and it was only that I really did trust her teacher that stopped me taking her out of school and HEing. We had several meetings with the head and others (SENCO? don't know the terms) and I kept a bullying diary throughout, so that I could say "yes on Wed two weeks ago this happened, and the Thurday this," and so on. It didn't tip any balance or anything, but it did mean that EVERY LITTLE THING was brought up so they could see the full extent of what dd had to cope with every day.

[andellewi]

Thank you all so much for your support, I feel spurred on now to sort it out.

[shabster]

Thank you, my firstborn just became a first time daddy and made me a first time Gran!!! I adore him, as I do all 4 of my sons. They are all great.

[childrenofthecornsilk]

If the teacher is bullying him I would make rapid steps to resolve this with the head and the governors. As has been said stop worrying about the other chn for now and just do what is best for him. Is there another school you could move him to anyway?

[childrenofthecornsilk]

Shabster that is just wonderful!