DS (4) in Star Wars playtime saga

[BlackEyedDog]

Not exactly bullying but...

Ds (4.9) just started Reception. The R class joins the big school playground at lunchtime. A 'big' boy was prodding him with a tiny (McD's) Star Wars light sabre the other lunchtime so Ds told a dinner lady. Since then this boy follows ds pointing and laughing and getting other bigger children to join in. So ds spends a lonely lunchtime trying to trail the dinner lady so they won't 'get' him.

He doesn't play with the other infants - too scared to be away from a grown up, he says - but I also think he's finding it hard to join in with others and make friends.

How should I tackle this. Don't want to get a reputation for being overly anxious, but I am thinking of

1. telling the Reception teacher so she can get the dinner lady (or whatever they're called these days) to look out for him, and

1. Try and manufacture encourage a friendship with someone in his class to play with.

Is this a way to go?? Do teachers do this kind of thing? Or am I over reacting and should just let DS get on with it (he seems to be happy enough at school apart from this)? Help.

[BlackEyedDog]

.
? anyone

[Saturn74]

Tell the teacher; you're not being over-anxious.
The bigger child needs to be told that his behaviour is unacceptable.
YR children should be looked after by all the older pupils, and the school ethos should support this.
The teacher may be able to arrange some play opportunities for your son with some other children at lunchtime.
Hope it gets sorted soon.

[BlackEyedDog]

ok HC thank you

hate to think of him lonely and trailing after grown up!

[neolara]

Definitely mention it to the teacher. They need to stamp on this kind of behaviour by the older kids asap. School should be doing all it can to make life for Reception kids as stress free as possible.

You could also ask how the teacher could help your ds to get to know the others in his class a bit better. There is lots and lots schools can do to help this along. For example, grouping children with different kids for different activities; doing lots of circle time discussion about friendship such as how you can make a friend and what how to respond if someone asks to join in your game; having a playgroupd friendship bench where you can sit if you would like someone to come and play with you etc.

It might also be worth asking some of the kids back for tea. This has really helped for my dd.

Good luck with it all.

[TheRealMrsJohnSimm]

Talk to his teacher and perhaps even put it in writing too (bitter past experience with DS1 and bullying makes me over-cautious I guess but will do no harm). Agree with Neolara - schools often have a be-friending scheme of some sort (sometimes an older child takes the younger one under their wing; other schools have a "friendship squad" who look out for kids who appear to be lonely or by themselves in the playground). So it would be worth investigating with your school what their approach to helping kids settle in is.

[BlackEyedDog]

Thanks for these replies. I have a progress meeting with his teachers next week so will ask what be-friending schemes they have - if any. Meanwhile I've asked the teacher to have a word with the dinner lady. At seems from what DS says that she is oblivious to him following him around. How can you NOT notice a small four year old at your heels

[Gobbledigook]

I would mention it - you can mention it such a way that you are not making an enormous deal of it.

The older children need to know that it's not acceptable to be mean to the reception children - I know at our school this is talked about in assembly etc and our school also has a buddy system. THere is a 'buddy stop' manned by some older kids and if you are a younger child and are lonely you can go to the buddy stop and they will help you to find a game to join in with.

The playground is often the one thing that reception children find hard about school.
If it's ongoing and it's making him sad then def mention it.

[BlackEyedDog]

oh I've seen the buddy stop thing but didn't realise it's meant to be part of a 'system'.

tmmj - I asked him if he'd like to take some little toy with him but he said no. I bet he's worried someone'll blardy pinch it!

[threetinytots]

your poor DS, as if starting school isn't hard enough.

I would definately mention it to the teacher. It is not acceptable for the older child to treat him like that and your ds shouldn't be made to feel so frightened. Hopefully the teacher can help him to join with some of his classmates and also may be able to ask another older child to look after him at play times. You are not being over anxious.

[Gobbledigook]

Oh, and fostering friendships is a good idea. Find out who he likes in class and invite them for tea.

[savoycabbage]

I think that manufacturing friendships is quite easy at this age. Pick out someone suitable and ask them round after school and make sure that they both have a really lovely time. Don't do it on a Friday so that they can talk about it the next day. If it goes well set up another 'date' so you can build on it.

I would also be quite tempted to make sure that he has the coolest haircut, shoes, packed lunch box etc. When I used to be a teacher and parents used to come in about their child being bullied I would sometimes KNOW that it was because they had a postman pat lunchbox or something equally petty. But children can be awful

[BlackEyedDog]

yes good ideas all

I'll get him a Ben 10 coat he's after and a groovy new haircut!

there is one little boy I'm desperate for him to be friends with - but obviously don't want to be pushy! How do you do the asking if he is too quiet? Ask the child myself? Oh god am so new to all this. We are new to the area as well so don't know too many people.

[savoycabbage]

Yes, get to know some of the other mothers. You might hit it off with them and that would make it so much easier. But if not don't worry, as long as the children are friends.

Go over to the mother of your 'victim' and say 'Bob really loves playing with your Fred, would he like to come round after school?' Tell her that you can pick them both up etc. Have a back up plan in case he does chess club or whatever every night so then you can say 'On sunday afternoon we are going bowling, would Fred like to go?'