Not sure if this is bullying.
Dd1 is 6 and in yr2.
She seems to play with a circle of about 10 girls. She tells me they all call themselves the "girly" group.
Anyhow one girl, Jane, joined in with the group in about May. My daughter and Jane seem to have been having issues with each other since then. DD says Jane is always telling tales on her and if dd says she is going to tell on her then Jane runs and makes up a tale to tell first. Dd said Jane is faster than her so always manages to tell first. She has also said that Jane pushes her.
The other day some of the group were playing in the playground after school. I had my eye on dd2, when dd1 came over to me with another friend, and told me Jane had pushed her again. I told her to ignore her and go and play. She was back again 5 mins later saying the same thing,.
When I looked over, Jane was standing next to her step dad and both were sort of looking at me. Dd 1 was crying so we just left.
I have had Jane back for tea a few weeks ago, in the hope it would defuse the situation. So, I kind of know the mother.(as mum stayed, whilst Jane played). Anyhow, the mother approached me the following morning and said there was some sort of dispute going on between the two girls and she had told Jane to just try and be nice to my dd. I told Jane's mum I was hoping that we could get the girls together when they are playing after school and just speak to them nicely about the situation. We did this that afternoon, I said I thought they should just try and play nicely as friends together with the rest of the group, then the mum said, you's don't have to be friends but just be nice to each other, don't say mean things and don't be calling any names!! I was taken aback by her "don't have to be friends bit," but then just said, "yes, be nice to each other and no more pushing!
On speaking to my dd later that evening, I asked if she thought what me and Jane's mum said was ok. She said it was but that she had not been calling anyone any names. I believed her, I think I can usually tell when she is lying. Anyhow, dd said yesterday was fine, Jane didn't tell on her and didn't push her.
Today she said everything was fine, but said another girl, called Mary, told on her. I began to think, it must be my dd who is causing all this telling on each other thing.
Anyhow, a couple of hours later she was telling her Dad that she was crying in school today. The story emerged that she told Jane she didn't like Mary. Jane then told mary and told her to tell on dd for saying it. So, dd ran up to the gate and was crying because Mary told on her. Dd said all the "friends" had followed her to the gate and looked at her and then walked away.
Dh thinks todays incident is nothing to do with Jane and is fed up now listening to it. I think he thinks Dd deserved to be crying for saying she didn't like Mary. I feel it was a bit snide of "Jane" and that Jane is now just being sneekier. She is apparently a very bright little girl. Her Mum told me this, not in a braggy way really, and that she thinks Jane is bored in school as the work does not stimulate her.
Not sure what to do really. I have said to Dd to go and play with others when Jane starts this but she says she can't find anyone else to play with. Also, Dh had felt that was punishing Dd as both Dd and Jane want to play with the "girly" group, so why should Dd be the one to go and find another friend.
I don't really want to speak to Jane's mum about it again as I would have to say Jane is pushing her etc. and being underhand. I am sure she feels that my Dd is calling Jane names etc. (due to her little speach to the girls). It will just cause anamosity (sp)
I just feel all this telling on each other can't be a good thing. If watching them the other afternoon is anything to go by. Is this normal for 6 yr old girls?
I think I want to speak to their teacher but Dh says I can't speak to the teacher everytime someone tells on her or she tells on someone.
School is having a curriculum eveing, , as oppossed to a parents evening, on Wednesday. Does anyone think it is ok to mention it then. Or am I making a mountain out of a mole hill, and should just speak about the curriculum that night. Not really sure what we are suppose to speak about that night.
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Telling on each other?
9 replies
colie · 03/10/2008 22:54
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