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Not sure if right area: poss not bullying but DS not really got (best)friend...

4 replies

JoyceDivision · 19/06/2014 19:23

Right, DS is DC2, in reception. He is a lovely little chap who is happy and cheerful, loves school, loves reading, chatters away tous and has a lovely inquisitive mind. He uses his manners, plays nicely etc..

When he joined school, his nursery was not the main feeder one, as we didn't like the main feeder one (not linked to the school, just populardue to location) buthoped he would make friends anyway when he joined school.

Here we are, 4 weeks from the end of school year, and DS doesn't seem to have his 'own' friend. I've noticed on various activities and school trips when the teacher says to pick your partner to walk with on a trip, DS has been jumping up and dashing round to pick someone and everyone has already found their friend, and DS is always a last one who the teacher usually has to put with a staff helper or another child who hasn't found someone.

I try not to make a bog deal out of it and ask if he has had a good day, and not press on the issue of who he played with.

In play session he might play for a whole with some one, but he doesn't have a best friend. On a morning if we arrive in the playground before the bell goes, if he goes tp join in playing with someone they don't play or ignore him.

We don't live in the same direction as any of the other kids in his year, so we can't walk home with anyoe or offer to take anyone home.

If I ask if he wants to have someone for tea, he says oh but they are so and sos friend,

A lot of children either wnet to the local playgroup or live close to each other. It's a high number of boys, but there are a large group that are quite full on and we've had a few incidents of dh being hit, which we have always gone in and raised with staff

He still happily trots off into class, but I'm consious that over the holidays he won't havea school friend to arrange playdates with, and he isn't fitting in as well with the cliquesthat haveformed.

He happily plays with the girls which I'm fine with, but I'm also thinking that as they get older, girls won't want a boy hanging round with them.

iIt's really upsetting meand it is always onmy mind. If i speak tohis teacher she tellsme he doesplay with otherpupils (i haveseen him playing, I know he'snot isolated!0 but there is no real bond of friendship being formed.

I'm really stuck here and hope someonehas any hints for me?

(I've tried him with a couple of out of school clubs but he now does athletics which just by chance is mailnly girls at the moment, and he did karate but sais he wasn';t bothered by it and just wanst tobe playing! which is fair enoughas he is only 5!)

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trumpfamily · 19/06/2014 21:49

My daughter went to a play school that wasn't linked to her primary school and like your son went into primary school where everyone had already made their friendship groups. She, like your son, appeared to have no special friend. We then moved house and she ended up going to the primary school linked to her old play school. I'd worked full time during her time at play school and hadn't made friends with the Mums either. All the children/Mums had made their friendship groups and if anything she had the smoothest run throughout primary school. The cliques kept on falling out and my daughter was like a little social butterfly resting in different friendship groups and not making a firm commitment with any one friendship group. If he is happy then don't worry about him, he'd soon tell you if it was a problem. You sound lonely yourself, if you don't mind me saying. I found joining the school PTA a life saver, I made some really good friends and inadvertently my daughter made friends with the children of the Parents who helped on the PTA. A positive for both of us.

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spudpudding · 20/06/2014 11:49

We had this problem, asked teacher who she thought would be a good buddy and asked them for tea. My son has also had similar probs and also then tends to fixate a
On one child, so then in a few weeks perhaps try another. Girls tend to say things rather than be physical so perhaps boys are sometimes rough?? Depends on year group I think if teacher is approachable would ask for advice. Good luck xx

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DeWee · 20/06/2014 20:18

Reception friendships ime are very fluid. Best friend is often the person that they played with today. I noticed with all my dc that it is towards the end of year 1 that they start becoming more best friend for ever (or at least a fortnight) type friendships.

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JoyceDivision · 22/06/2014 21:08

Hi everyone, thanks for the replies,they have all helped.

trumpfamily I do help in school with odd things, usually I can't get tp the PTA meetings but help put by getting the info as word of mouth, but I will try to start attending the meetings.I'm not lonely, but my downfall is that I 'm very conscious of wanting my DCs to be happy little people(not expecting best performance or anything, being top of theclass etc) but I just want them to be happy and I dread them being lonely, so think I tend to dwell on it and not easily shrug my concerns off.

spudpudding I have started offering todo party pick ups etc to try and forge out of school social activities and try to gently easeinto a play date, think I just need to persevere with this and be bolder about asking if and kids want to have tea at our house!

DeWee thanks for commenting reend of year one still having time to 'match up' special friendshipos, think in year one I will have to pushmore with the tea invites etc. There are alarge number of boys who can be quite nasty (incidents of them holding kids and punching them, one telling an older girl he was going to 'kick her in the f' calling each other pretty bad names... so it really narrows down whoo I know DS wouldbe in his comfort zone with..

hey ho... arrghhh!! Smile

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