6yr old DS - would a school change make it worse? Sleepless nights! :(

[GalaBrand]

Dearest MN
I've read so many of these posts and great responses. Just wanted some particular advice for myself and 6yr DS in Year One.
A well established group of other boys in same class (and a few others) have started to pick on my DS, the usual exclusion, name calling but also now getting quite violent - neck grabbing, pushing over, kicking etc but with some kind of nasty comments like 'why can't you get up?' when they keep pushing him over and 'if you don't learn to do xx by Friday we'll get you' - asking him to do dangerous things.

I've seen it myself at parties so I dread to think what is happening in the playground when I can't call on them to stop.
The parents are all very well to do, polite and obvs think their little lads are wonderful.
The school is considered fantastic and have always said they would deal with the problems - I've been in a couple of times and things have stopped but it's bad again now.
This group are only going to follow DS from this school to junior (it's right next door) and I don't want to consign him to years of this. He's coping well, its quite stoical about it and knows it's not his fault BUT has now started crying in his sleep, getting into bed with me and saying he has a lot of 'worries'.
He's on the school talented & gifted register, has lessons in the year above and is always answering questions and I know can be a bit annoying because he always volunteers. I assume he probably sticks out quite a bit with the gang because he doesn't follow a leader, is quite adult and independent and doesn't play football (although he loves the parties, outdoor play and stuff)

So.... am thinking of moving him to a small, local private school where he won't get get lost in a big crowd of lads who don't like him and where being geeky might be a bit more normal? I've no idea. I don't want him to stop trying his hardest in class (as he does right now) when he realises it's not cool and probably why he's getting this nasty attention.
And we could just about afford it if we really try but it would have a big financial impact so don't want to make the wrong decision.

Has anyone else done this?
Would a move between Year One and Two be disastrous - better the devil (or young devils) you know. Or should I wait for the move up to Junior School? r would that make no difference because he'll still be the New Boy whenever? And then will I have made it worse and he'll have absolutely no one he knows at all? And I'll have lost his place in the state junior (which again is considered great for the area).

As you can read am going round a bit on the roundabout and completely at a loss at what to do - he's my first and only and I am bloody sleepless with worry and inability to make a decision.

Sorry for such a LOOOOOONG post, but would really appreciate any advice. Thanks so much! X

[Marcipex]

If you can afford the private school fees I would do so. Is there any chance if any bursaries etc?
The present situation sounds horrible, frankly.

[Gunfleetsands]

Move him. He is having an awful time at the moment.

School fees do tend to increase each year, but if you can afford them (and a bit extra for day trips, swimming/extra activities and uniform) then move him there.

Don't expect the school to be the answer to everything because it is private. Private schools have rough and tumble and bullying too. However, it will have a new set of boys/girls for your DS to mix with. These new children may be more accepting of him and also they will not know him as the boy the others pick on. At least he would get a fresh start and might even find others like himself.

If you cannot stretch your finances for the Private school is there another Infant/Junior School in your area with spaces. Again, even if it is not considered as good as the school you are currently at surely a new start would be preferable to what he is enduring at the moment.

[GalaBrand]

Thanks so much for your input, and yes I agree we need to move if we can. Going to see the cheapest indie school nearby in Sept to at least know we have options and can take DS out of the system if we have to. Hoping next year's class mix up will help him out. xx

[Gunfleetsands]

Sounds as though you have more than one class in a school year. If this is the case I would strongly suggest you speak to the school (if you haven't done so already) and request that your DS is put in a different class to the boy/boys who causes most trouble for your DS. The school might be wanting to break up the current groups by putting half a group in one class and the other half in the other class. Name those you do not want your DS to be with, give the school the reasons and tell them to put your DS in the other class. If you can get your DS away from the ring leader it should help.

Several years ago one of my middle DD's friends turned against her causing no end of friendship problems. The classes were being mixed for the next school year and the teacher asked us whether we wanted DD to be split from her 'friends' or if we would like to trust their judgement. We were not sure what to do and decided to allow the school to use their experience and split the classes accordingly. DD was kept with her group of friends. It didn't work at all. The ring leader (who was very sly) started up again as soon as they returned in the autumn. However, as soon as we got DD moved into the other class (quite a battle with the school at the time) the ex friend/friends left her alone and she made new friends.

If things do not improve for your DS next term I would seriously consider moving him if you can.