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Bullying

My 8yr old has been bullying a classmate. I would like some sensible advice.

6 replies

Shhthebabyisasleep · 01/06/2014 12:10

I will try to be concise.

D is not a popular child in any respect. She is always in trouble, her teachers find her extremely difficult, she has no good fiends, the girls don't play with her, the boys tolerate her meaning she can sometimes join in the playground football matches. She acts defensively and deliberately provocatively. My heart goes out to her.

A year ago I caught 4 girls giggling and running away from D who wanted to play with them. My daughter was one of the girls. I informed their teacher and gave my daughter a rocket. Can't remember ever being so cross. I emphasised the importance of being kind.

Since that time I have mentioned D from time to time, asked dd if D is doing okay, asked if we can invite her to play (dd said no), checked with dd that she is kind to D.

Today D approached me in the playground and told me that dd and her friends play 'Blow D' which means if you accidentally touch D or anything she has touched you have to blow it off. Like cooties or the lurgey basically.

I am... I am spitting. I am inclined to go ballistic and cancel every plan dd has from now until the end of term. I am horrified, and upset, and disappointed. I want to make her write an apology to D. And have her round to play.

I have already spoken to their teacher who says she'll talk to all the girls tomorrow. The teacher also said that D is being very difficult at the moment and 'bringing it on herself' which I think is an odd thing for a teacher to think.

I will ask dd for her version of events.

What do you think?

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Cocolepew · 01/06/2014 12:22

I wouldn't force your DD to play with D but she must treat her with respect. I would insist she writes a letter and apologises face to face.

If it was my DD I would either ground her or take away phone/ipod etc.

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Cocolepew · 01/06/2014 12:24

The teacher was out if line saying what she did too.
My DD was bullied like this when she was 6,the teacher said it was her fault because she had speech problems, and the other girls got frustrated with her Hmm.

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Smartiepants79 · 01/06/2014 12:34

Have you spoken to your own daughter?
Are you quite sure that this is happening the way she says?
Can your Dd explain why she is behaving like this? Is she usually unkind to other children? I would perhaps try to restrain your anger a bit. Your DD being in lots of trouble etc.. May leave her feeling very resentful towards the other child and perhaps cause more problems than it solves.
I would start with the whole 'I'm so disappointed in you' line and lay it on really thick. And we have a rule in our school -you don't have to be friends but you do have to be friendly.
I think perhaps not allowing friends round for a bit is a suitable punishment, she may start to see what it's like to be lonely!

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Shhthebabyisasleep · 01/06/2014 12:35

I remember when teachers took a similar line when my brother was being bullied. A very disappointing response.

You're probably right about the play date. It would be like using D as a punishment which is entirely wrong.

No phone or iPhone to take away. She does need a consequence though.

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scouseontheinside · 16/06/2014 08:48

I agree with the others saying that you shouldn't force her to play with D. However, that is absolutely no excuse not to treat her kindly.

I think a week of grounding, i.e. no screens, extra treats, etc. Then privileges such as having friends round to play have to be earned back. Until she can show that she can be kind to everyone, she can't have others to play. Apology letter and in person apology also a good idea.

Can you do some role playing with her to help with empathy? The paper heart exercise is quite a good one for demonstrating how actions impact others.

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Kenlee · 22/07/2014 00:30

I think its time for a heart to heart.

My dd also had a friend that tried that on another girl. Fortunately my daughter was strong enough to stand up to her friend saying it was wrong.

You need to install in her a belief system that although you may dislike the girl. To hurt her physically or mentally makes you weak.

We talked a lot about what happens when you do not stand up for the weak just so you can be popular. Yes you are popular for a time. Yet there will be a time where you will be weak and hopefully someone has the courage to be strong for you. If you don't do it and they don't do it. Then no one will do it. Then who is left to do it?

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