Being bullied by the PTA the so-called do-gooders

[gremlins2014]

My 11 year son goes to a popular school in Hampton. I work full time and have a 14 year daughter. The PTA at my son's school are what we call them " the Five Star Club". They are all very aware of what they do and treat "the not so involved parents" with pure disdain. Needless to say the their children also get a lot more attention from the teachers. School runs are stressful as they seem to avoid the lesser mortals like me and don't bother to return greetings. The resentment from them is palpable. We all pay the same school fees (for which I have to work very hard). My money is no different from theirs. So why the attitude ! Private school are funded by the fee we pay them - then why do PTA pull so much weight on the private school scene? This is beyond me. Why the resentment? PTA is by choice - if you feel put upon -you quit ! Not take it out on others. This is nothing but bullying. Now I know where the children get it from. I have put up with it for 4 years of prep and now that my son is in Year 6 I have decided to be more vocal. What do you all think? Please let me know. Thanks for reading.

[Muskey]

PTA members can hold sway in state schools as well. I had to move dd from a state school because of bullying some of which actually came from parents who were actually PTA members. One of them going so far to complain about the fact my child had had her hair braided in the holidays to the deputy head who then insisted that the braid was cut out. I refused and spent the next 4 weeks hiding the braid in a pony tail or complaining that I chose to put dd in a summer school dress that I had bought from marks and Spencer's rather than tesco where every one else had bought them despite the fact that the school didn't specify where you bought the dress. Things got so bad that on one occasion I said to the head teacher it was hard to know who was running the school her or the PTA. In dd new school the PTA do much that is good for the school but don't wear their involvement as a badge of honour

[gremlins2014]

I can imagine your frustration….the PTA children seem to be front runners in everything be it sports, music, art,etc. They obviously get more attention. Its the disdain that I can't handle. How does one deal with it without stooping that low?

[Charlotteamanda1]

It amazes me how some mums act like kids on the school yard.
My advice ignore them. Concentrate on acknowledging like minded mums. Don't let them bother you. All they have in their lives is to live through their kids. Don't get me wrong we need pta's but when parents totally absorb themselves in the school it's slightly odd. Just smile at them as you walk past them. If they see your annoyed they've got you.
There will be a huge amount of other parents who feel just like you and who will be much nicer to talk to.
Your money is as good as anyone's. But the school is a business and will have done its market research. They will be extra keen on those who are extremely well off. It's all potential income and it's understandable I guess.

[Eastpoint]

Not long to go now, just smile & wave. I used to have to get to the post office, it's a great excuse for dashing off.

[gremlins2014]

Thanks guys …yes thats what I do…I am always dashing to pick up my DD…I understand re: business…but women make it all so catty for the want of a better word !

[CoreyTrevorLahey]

They sound like dicks. And you sound like a woman with a more interesting life than any of them, OP.

[NashTheDragon]

Thanks Corey….

[LEMmingaround]

I don't really understand the need for a PTA in a private school. I would have thought they would be sufficiently funded and I would be mightily miffed if I had to pay £££'s for my child to attend a school that needed to rely on the pfa for extras.

I am part of our school pfa (state school) we work bloody hard and there are a very small core of folk that do this. Sometimes I wish that more parents would be involved but bring snooty and resentful isnt the way to go about it. I do lots of other stuff at the school so am on friendly terms with some of the teachers. My child gets no preference whatsoever. Neither do other pfa members children. We tend to get involved with various pprojects by our "do-gooder" nature and this often involves the children. It's not favouritism.

I like doing this it makes me feel involved in dd's school life and we love bumping inyo each other at school. I am lucky because im a SAHM. I I realise that other mums dont have the time or would rather boil thier heads than sell cakes every last friday of the month.

It sounds l I ke your pta mums pprobablytreat it more of a social event masquerading as raising funds ftom the school.

[Eastpoint]

I think private schools usually have parent groups rather than PTAs as the school doesn't actually want the parents' views on how the school is run. At the schools my children have attended the groups have been more about helping to create a better sense of community as pupils travel from a wide area. Activities are more likely to be a quiz night which covers its costs & has a small raffle or a Christmas Fair than a major fundraising event. Reps from individual classes might organise drinks parties or coffee mornings but these are not fundraising. DS' reps have organised educational walks & trips to places of historic interest. Any funds raised are usually split between charities, bursary funds and departmental needs eg a gazebo for sports teams at tournaments.

[Kenlee]

To be honest our class Rep is fantastic...

Although I have seen the put my child in front PTA parents at other schools vile creatures... I think they are related to politicians... They are there for themselves not for the children as they are suppose to be.

[duchesse]

In my 17 year experience of contact with schools as a parent, I've met very few PTAs that were not like this. DD3's current school is a notable exception. I think the "problem" and the strength of PTAs is that they attract alpha personalities who probably had high-powered jobs before children but are now under-employed being SAHP. They want to attract more people to help out at events without actually being in any way welcoming for most of the managerial type stuff. I've steered clear of PTAs for the best part of 2 decades and intend to keep it that way. If people want to be bossy and domineering instead of welcoming and inclusive, then let them do all the work!

[AuntieStella]

I think it is the other way round IYSWIM.

PTAs are all too easily colonised by Queen Bees and their cronies (seen it happen).

Even if there were no PTA, I expect those unpleasantly dominant (?) strident (?) individuals would still make their presence felt.

[Hakluyt]

"Needless to say the their children also get a lot more attention from the teachers."

If this is true then it is a crap school and I suggest you go to the head teacher immediately with your evidence and demand he deal with it. If you have no success, withdraw your child. Why would you want him in a school that condones their teachers behaving like that?

I haven't read the thread because I know it will just be the usual PTA bashing that people so love to do, but that sentence leapt out of your OP at me. You must do something about that.

[andmyunpopularopionis]

Our prep doesn't have a PTA as teachers are not involved. I have been on ours and then left. I do know why you get the attitude though. It's because so many parents do sweet fuck all but bitch and moan about every event that gets held. There is always something they could do better or they would have fine it differently. The things is though they are not doing it. They are not volunteering their time. Our entire Parents Associations at that time were working full time so it's not a time thing or a SAHM thing. Our chair had a terrible reputation and was considered a complete Bitch. Truth is though she was tired of parents voluteering ands then not pitching up in the day. She was tied of being let down and then when things went wrong she was the one that got flamed. She started to get hostile to people after being let down time after time after time ands being constantly judged.

At our school the kids definitely didn't get any special treatment. Believe me. My kids have received no special treatment because I belonged to the PA.

[andmyunpopularopionis]

LEM

We raise funds to provide extras which make the children lives more fun. Parents want their fees spent on education and not so much fun. So things that are not necessary but make school a nicer place to be. It's one of the reasons private schools have better facilities. Like put one of those soft rubber surfaces over the tarmac so we have less ripped knees. Or we pay for the ice cream man on mufti day. Organise events like an easter egg hunt. Pay to help with the setup of various after school clubs. Put in new play equipment in the playground.

All stuff that make school a nicer place to be. Not necessary and always for the kids themselves.

[Ninjamom]

Struggling with PTA bullies. OK so one in particular. The one in charge, Queen Bee who is vile to me. I work from 7am and so am at the school after work. I got roped into helping out this year, all the while explaining that my husband was having a leg operation (out of action for 8 weeks), I have two DDs and myself had a tumour last year. Gone now thankfully and 6 months of cancer testing resulted in a complete all clear. We have no family in this country.

They were desperate for help so I offered. The QB had a go at me in front of the kids for leaving 'early' - I did the first shift at the school disco then took the kids home as hubby was still recovering. When I asked her what her problem was - we had agreed the times and there were no gaps in the staffing cover – she said that I was not staying to the end like everybody else.

She is constantly moaning about people not doing enuff 'like her'. All the time she rejects any new ideas or steals them as her own. She even hid my cakes while putting her ones in prominent position. She is rude to children and those not in her clique, while all the time sucking up to the head. Because she raises a lot of money for the school people are either in awe or scared of her.

So this summer I did not help out in the fete. Others who know what she is like have supported me but there are plenty of people who thing she is worth it and I am just making some sort of fuss or it is a personality clash.

I stood my ground and like the bully she is she will not speak to me in person, just tries to issue orders through others. I get dirty looks from her croneys and I feel awkward around them. I try to ignore it and have been through worse at the school, but it does get to me.
I would give my time but what I can give is never good enough for her.


Now I help out directly with the school and not the PTA.

I am a strong character myself but I do feel bullied. Help

[juicybelle]

Our school has a few of these PTA types. I am not sure if they've joined to help out or just for some kind of status.
I have helped out at the school many times but am put off nowadays as one in particular is so bossy and unaware that I feel like a kid myself around her.
Personally, I would prefer less facilities at the school if it meant not having to endure this as I think it also rubs off on the kids of these people and they seem to think they own the school too.
Funnily enough I raised a substantial amount just by myself recently for the school - and the bossy woman didn't even acknowledge it or say thanks.
Enough said!