Aggressive Headteacher

(10 Posts)
mel1970 Wed 09-Oct-13 22:24:38

My DS attends a small independent school. He was really happy to be chosen for the school team last year.

Unfortunately, this has not turned out to be all that he was expecting. The Head is in charge of the team but they don't receive any formal coaching-he doubles up as a member of the pe staff. There is a football club once a week but anyone can join in and it's sometimes cancelled due to the Head having a meeting or whatever.

He is aggressive and shouts at them during matches with other schools, is constantly criticising, and the negativity is depressing and demotivating for all the children. It's actually really embarrassing and cringy to listen to and watch. My DS cried all the way home in the car tonight (after another lost matchsad)and was saying "I hate Mr. ...." He rarely gives them any positive praise and encouragement. My gripe is that he is expecting miracles from them when they don't even get any proper coaching.

In the school, he acts as if the children irritate him and is very dismissive of them and offhand if they speak to or ask him something. He is different in front of parents though and I find him a bit simpering and wet. He backs down if challenged over something.

I want to speak to him about the football situation but am not good with confrontation. I think some of the parents would back me up and am prepared to ask them but wondering about the best way to deal with this. Perhaps an e-mail first? Any advice would be fantastic, thank you!

DrSeuss Thu 10-Oct-13 09:00:40

You need a new school.

bigTillyMint Thu 10-Oct-13 09:03:33

You are paying this man. Move him to a better school.

mel1970 Thu 10-Oct-13 09:36:13

I can't move him anywhere else. I moved him into this school last year from another larger independent school where he was unhappy. This has a reputation of being a caring, nurturing school. The Head seemed really nice when we met him and no-one I spoke to gave me any negative feedback about him.

DS is in Y5 now so it would be disruptive to move him again. He has good friends here and likes his teacher and is doing well. In any case, there is literally no other school in this area that would suit him.

mistlethrush Thu 10-Oct-13 09:37:27

Drop football and find a team outside school to join.

meditrina Thu 10-Oct-13 09:50:21

As moving again is not an option, then I agree with the pp who recommends finding a football club outside school.

With the importance of school footie reduced, perhaps the total relationship with the school will improve. It is possible the HT is an arse only icw football.

mel1970 Thu 10-Oct-13 10:09:14

I'm trying to do that but I think DS will want to continue playing for the school. His self-esteem was low after leaving his old school and being picked has really given him a boost. It's one of the things he's really proud of-being in the school team.

I have spoken to another mum this morning and she thinks we should video the next match. We will set up a meeting and speak to him about his behaviour and if we get no-where with him, we'll say "we'll e-mail the video and you can see what you sound like".

I'm just wondering if anyone has experience of this and what would be the best course of action.

mel1970 Thu 10-Oct-13 10:12:52

meditrina, he's a arse within school but can have his moments with the children. He comforts them if they are upset about something. He is very proud of the school and I think he just wants them to be the best they can be but is going about it the wrong way.

He is confusing assertiveness with aggression, imo.

keepsmiling12345 Sat 12-Oct-13 21:14:12

Seriously? You're going to video him, suggest he watches it and suddenly he'll see the error of his ways?! I'm afraid I can't see that having any impact at all. IME, you need to identify a specific issue that the ht is doing to your child and then complain about that through the usual channels. I thmk, as others have said, you either need to try this formal approach or suggest to your DS he stops football t school.

sweetpieandpeas Sun 20-Oct-13 19:27:08

He is a head teacher and clearly does not have the skills to coach but yet still wants to give the children the opportunities which is obviously failing. I would maybe ask for any parents with coaching experience and knowledge who would be willing to support the team and approach the head suggesting that someone else helping would prevent the cancellations. If someone could do this then he will see 'good' coaching and will take tips from them to help take the team forward. It is about teaching this guy not humiliating and berating him for giving it a go and it not working.

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