DD11 being "bullied" on whatsapp

[Ihatemakingpackedlunches]

Hi,
DD11 came home from new secondary school today in tears. It seems a "friend" has taken a photo of her pulling a silly face and has made it her whatsapp userphoto thing, so it appears every time she msgs and all her friends can see it.
So called friend offered to remove it if dd bought her some crisps at lunch, but my dd refused so the photo remains in situ.
DD not on whatsapp and is mortified that everyone can see her embarassing photo.

Is my dd being over-sensitive / are we over-reacting?
Is this actually bullying
How should we tackle this - I know the parents and could simply text them to say pls can the friend remove it?
I am usually all for my DD sorting this out herself, but she has tried for over a week now and has been unsuccessful and with it being only her 2nd week at a new school I am conscious that we need to nip this in the bud.
Opinions pls!

[lljkk]

How well do you know the parents?

[Ihatemakingpackedlunches]

I know them a bit, not much really, my DD and the girl in question were at primary together and live close to each other.

[Ihatemakingpackedlunches]

But actually since my post dd has texted her friend to ask her to remove the photo and that she doesn't want to walk to school with her until she can see its been removed. Friend has agreed to remove, but we need to keep an eye on future activity I think.

[PeerMon]

Well, this might not be what you want to hear, but as soon as DD stops caring about it, the 'bully' will get bored and find something else to do! My advice would be, tell her to ignore it or laugh about it - the other child will only keep on if they know it bothers her.

[lljkk]

I hope that sorts it. I would take to form tutor or Head of House otherwise.

[Ihatemakingpackedlunches]

Thanks for the advice - yes I agree it's only a problem if dd is upset - at school she pretends she isn't but at home she is.
School did say at welcome talk that things like this should be brought to their attention asap so if it isn't sorted soon then I will speak to her form tutor.

[DeWe]

It sounds like silliness rather than bullying at present.

I've a dd1 in year 8 and they do take silly photos of each other. Dd1 actually minds massively about it, but most of the others seem to genuinely find it funny, and will pose for silly photos and giggle over them for hours. It's taken dd1's best friend ages to realise that dd1 really doesn't like it, and not do it, because she would just think it terribly funny if it was of her.

What I will say is what I said to dd1. She mustn't do it if she doesn't want others to do it to her. So she can giggle at other's photos, but not take any silly ones herself.

I would mention it to the parents if you know them well enough. I wouldn't want dd's photo being used for someone elses image anyway, it would be too easy for them to send a nasty message to someone and it be assumed it was dd's as her photo was on it.

[Ihatemakingpackedlunches]

Thanks DeWe, I suppose it isn't the photo that is so bad, I know the friend probably just thinks its funny. Its more the "I'll only take it off my profile if you buy me something at lunch" attitude that I am more concerned about.

[DeWe]

I think again that's silliness. Along the lines of "what's it worth?", and a bag of crisps is not a huge thing, which is what makes me think it's being silly, or perhaps not losing face in front of friends who may have been saying "don't delete it".
If she generally gets on well with the friend, and the friend has totally deleted it. I would put it down to that and move on.
If she hasn't deleted it then go further.

[Mabelface]

I actually think it's bullying behaviour rather than just silliness. "I'll only remove it if you buy me some crisps" is extortion." I'd be speaking to the pastoral manager at school about it. Schools do take this sort of thing seriously.

[Ihatemakingpackedlunches]

The "friend" in question has continued to hassle my daughter today - telling her she's mean and generally being nasty. Saying that my dd is handling it well, apparently just walking off when the friend is mean, which is what I want - she needs to show she will not hang around to listen to stuff like that.

[MrsPeeWee]

I would definitely text the parent and tell her to ask her daughter to remove the photo.

[MrsPeeWee]

Sorry, stupidly I failed to read any other posts.

[BlackMogul]

This is all about posturing and supremacy in a new school I think. Girls will pick on the one who is most likely to be unhappy about the photo and then has taken it a stage further by asking for the crisps. Of course a lot of girls take silly photos of themselves and their friends and think nothing of it. By being sensitive about it,it has drawn attention to her. Also children moan to parents about all sorts of things but shrug it off at school. I would leave it for the moment and keep an eye on the girl. This is definitely bad manners but not yet bullying. If your daughter has better, nicer friends, does it really matter about a photo?. Not one of her decent friends is going to care are they?