could use some help

[Labro]

Ds is 11.
2 boys in his year have spent the whole year calling him names, pinching, whispering, grabbing and ocassionally getting physical against him.
Its all been referred to the deputy head who keeps saying my ds reaction to these things is 'wrong' that ds needs to learn to 'step away' and each time I've reported anything then the deputy head always claims to have seen my ds reacting when in the deputys eyes ds should stay away from these two. These 2 have been allowed to call ds filthy names, grab him etc with no sanction.
Today my ds was grabbed from behind so hard that there was bruising on his arm. As usual, nobody saw this, but yet again the deputy 'witnessed' my son 'reacting inappropriately' as he tried to get one of these boys to let go.
So, what do I do? Ds is being told by a teacher not to react, the bullies are carrying on regardless, son was given another teacher as a mentor but shes off sick and ds is now getting to the end of his tether that they always see him doing something but never see or punish the bullies.

[apatchylass]

Really sorry to hear this. I can't believe how similar schools' responses are when they are crap at implementing bullying policies. The retaliator is always blamed. the retaliator is told not to react.

This has all the signs of a school where bullying is tolerated and overlooked. It's deeply wrong.

Challenge them. Ask for a meeting with the deputy and the head, as well as the form teacher etc. When they say he shouldn't react, ask why?
they'd react if you inappropriately called them names and pinched them. Why should a child not be afforded the same level of safety and respect in a place he legally has to go to as they are in their workplace? Ask them that. Insist on a satisfactory answer.

take photos of any bruises.

Look up any workshops in the area that come into school to talk about bullying (look for ones that train staff as well as focus on pupils) and forward them. if they don't seem interested, ask why not.

We had this problem for years. Same response from our otherwise good primary, that had lousy implementation of bullying policy. In the end DS1 whacked the main culprit so hard (out of school hours and away from school premises) that the bully never touched him again. That worked. Nothing else did.

[soapboxqueen]

That is ludicrous. Get a copy of their bullying policy and check they are following it. I doubt there is a section saying, tell the child to walk away and not react to being physically hurt.

Tell the deputy that her approach is not good enough. Your ds should not be the one who has to essentially solve his own problems by not rising to these boys. If this continues I dare say your ds will eventually lash out and he will end up in a whole heap of trouble and will be left very frustrated and confused.

They need to keep your ds safe. They need to deal with these boys.

[Labro]

Deputy and head both say that they do not tolerate bullying.
The antibullying policy states that their primary aim is to end the bullying and not simply punish the perpetrator. It also states that the agressor also needs their love and care as well as the victim.
All the deputy keeps saying is that the incidents haven't been witnessed but my ds reactions have so thats what they end up dealing with!

[soapboxqueen]

But if it's still happening then they haven't ended it. They can deal with the bullies how ever they want but they must put a stop to it.

They can't tell him that he needs to stay away and not react to these boys if they are also saying they only see him react e.g. we aren't really sure that anything is going on. Either he is reacting or he is instigating, not both. As pp have said take photos of injuries and possibly keep a diary.

if they aren't budging make a formal complaint.

[pennefab]

Feel your frustration. So maddening to see your child pulled up for retaliating and/or merely trying to extricate himself from situation.

For us, after teacher admitted not being able to end bullying, we moved schools.

[Labro]

Apparently the boy touched my son on the shoulder and was not rough, but my son "over reacted" and was rude.
I've suggested that they implement a ' no touching' rule then nobody 'misunderstands' anything!

[Labro]

They've just been told their form groups for next year. One of the bullies has actually been moved into ds form, what would you do?

[pennefab]

Consider meeting with teacher and asking for their help in safeguarding your child. What plan do they have in place? How will they prevent bullying? If can't prevent, how will they address situations? How will they treat your child if he stands up for himself? What support will they provide? If none ... What are you prepared to do? Switch schools? Homeschool? Other options?

[Labro]

Thank you. Have asked about the safeguarding and whether the 2 bullies can be kept in the other form (suspect this will be a no)
No option to move schools at the moment, ds doesn't want to anyway. Will also suggest ds possibly given a role during form times so that hes not around them.