FFS, DD being bullied again

[peeriebear]

She is 11. Last year it was a former friend picking on her and turning others against her. Now it's the King Bee of the class rallying the boys to pick on her.
He and one other boy in particular are delighting in making her daily life a misery- pushing her about, stamping on her feet in line for assembly, saying she is shit at drawing (one thing she loves to do), trying to crush her toes with chair feet when she has to pass their table in class, calling her ugly, waiting for her when she goes to the support room for extra reading help and generally mocking/pushing/winding her up.
She is not very academic and struggles with a lot of schoolwork- when she puts her hand up to ask for clarification they groan theatrically and make her feel like shit. Her self esteem is terrible anyway; we are struggling to find something she is good at that will improve how she feels about herself. She is angry and rude at home a lot as a result of this IMO.
This King Bee is a turd, frankly. He is one of those 'popular' boys who is a nightmare, because he plays the drums very well and has appeared in the local paper he seems to hold himself in tremendously high regard. I have heard nothing but ghastly reports about him and his attitude- the terror of not being in his favour means the other boys dance to his tune.
I don't know how to handle this apart from calling school tomorrow and speaking to her teacher/the Head. The Head is very approachable- he will probably insist I go in to speak to him- but her teacher is very young (brand new) and I'm concerned he doesn't have the authority to rein this in. And I have no ideas at all for improving DD's self esteem :( She is awkward, often misreads social situations and can be emotionally immature/argumentative. Not to mention the rock hard facade of 'everything's fine' that even I have great trouble getting through. Her fingernails are chewed down to stumps :(
Not sure what I'm asking really, apart from ideas to help me not go and get medieval on Little Drummer Boy's face

[Spockster]

Oh God I have nothing useful to say but I do feel for you. How old is DD?

[Spockster]

Just seen she is 11. A hard age at the best of times. Kids can be so mean

[peeriebear]

11... one of the oldest in the class but with a big EASY TARGET sign on her back for some reason.

[fridayfreedom]

Sorry to hear she is having all this to deal with. I so hate these 'populars' who think they are allowed to do this to others, my DS has had this in the past and it makes me want to go and thump them myself!!
In your shoes, i would make a list of everything that is happening, name names...all of them and insist on an appointment with the Head of Year or Head Teacher. Ask them what they are going to do about the bullying...use this word frequently throughout the conversation and demand that they haul the Bully in and that his parents are informed. I would also ask that he is moved out of her classes, not her, it's him who is the problem.
Report every incident, day by day by email or letter and keep copies.
Could you find an outside interest for her, something such as Guides or Scouts or another interest where there are a few like minded kids ?

[ledkr]

Pigs. Yes report straight away. I have to say I'd approach the ring leader and tell him you will be informing the school his parents and if necessary the police. Many font believe in this but I wish I'd done it sooner for ds who was at the point of feeling suicidal. It worked.
Can you help dd to improve her self confidence maybe with an after school activity.

[Goonatic]

That needs sorting ASAP. Go to the head. Kick off, demand action and apology. Also your dd needs someone she can go to if it happens again, preferably a teacher or Ta of her choosing. It is really unacceptable and will destroy her self confidence completely.
Well done for posting, you really should now email the head detailing all of the above.
I feel very sorry for your dd, she must be going through hell every day.
Please come back and tell us how it goes... Also any teacher needs to have the confidence to deal with this, quickly and effectively. his age should have no bearing on how he deals with this, he may need support but the head will be able to give him that, he is not really your concern!

Am not surprised your dd is socially awkward, she must have no idea if she is going to be laughed at whenever she speaks - again my heart goes out to her.

[peeriebear]

She was at Brownies but we unluckily happened to pick a really shite one! They rarely did anything apart from wordsearches and 'draw a picture of whatever you want' . I'm considering some form of martial arts class tbh, both for the discipline and the self esteem.

[Goonatic]

YY to friday you could ask to see their anti-bullying policy and see what they are obliged to do.

[peeriebear]

Thank you for all your advice and kind words. She has always been prickly and hard work but is also kind, funny and clever in ways that aren't academic. Getting through her hard shell is such work! She will pull away rather than engage if she has a problem.

[amillionyears]

Get a copy of the book "Queen Bees and Wannabes".
Might help a bit.

[Goonatic]

Did you have any joy today?

[peeriebear]

I spoke to the head of year yesterday after school- she was very sympathetic and horrified at the list I gave her (I wrote everything down so I didn't have to say it or I'd cry!)
She said to DD "I don't want you to worry about this for another minute. I WILL be pulling them out of lessons to speak to them tomorrow (today) and this is going to stop. If there is even one incident more you come straight to me or Mr XX (form teacher). You have the right to move around the school without worrying about people doing this to you."
I haven't actually seen DD properly this evening- she goes to a friend's house for tea on thursdays and she was back late- but I will ask her how things were in the morning. However yesterday after the meeting she was happier in herself than I've seen in weeks, and we went for a drink just the two of us which she enjoyed.

[amillionyears]

Glad the teachers are sounding like they are going to sort it.

[Goonatic]

Wow peerie that sounds really positive!