Can you please help clarify what the nature of this is? DH wants police involved.

(149 Posts)
cressidacow Sun 23-Sep-12 08:38:35

Have name-changed.

Ds, 12, throughout Y7 has been bullied by one child in particular, I will call him Tony. I have lsited events below so hopefully it is easier to read:

Tony has repeatedly called ds names ie "dyslexic" and laughing at how he walks (ds has SEN and is being assessed for dyspraxia).

During a swimming lesson, Tony held ds' head under the water 4 times, each time for and estimated 7 or 8 seconds. Ds repeatedly told him to stop. When ds tried to get out of the pool, Tony grabbed him by the leg and pulled him back in.

Tony has asked ds to give him money.

Tony told ds he was going to come into his bedroom and strangle him on an upcoming school trip abroad.

All the above has been reported to school by email.

We nearly pulled ds out of the trip abroad but he was keen to go so we relented after expressing our concerns to the teacher organising the trip. She said (in her words) that they would "look after him like he was our own son".

During the trip Tony and 3 other boys (Year 9s) repeatedly came into the room ds was sharing with a friend. Firstly the boys were just throwing things around but then, late at night, they came in. One sat on ds's feet whilst another sat over ds' face and rubbed his balls in ds's face. Another boy got into bed with ds, put his arms round him and started humping against him (in ds' words) "he was trying to have sex with me". Tony was present during all this but ds cant be sure who did what because the lights were out.

Ds' roommate had locked himself in the bathroom during all of this. Both he and ds were told they would be beaten up if they reported it. According to ds' roommate, while he was hiding he could hear the boys talking about deleting pictures they had taken with their phones. Ds's roommate refuses to tell the school because he is petrified.

Ds told us after Tony had allegedly assualted another boy in the PE changing rooms last week.

If you have read this far, I thank you.

Please could someone advise how far we should take things. We have been in to see pastoral head on friday. We want to know what we can realistically expect the school to do.

Funnylittleturkishdelight Sun 23-Sep-12 08:42:40

That is really serious.

No advice really- but wanted to say that there will clearly have to be exclusions for Tony and the other boy.

Have you contacted roommate's parents?

peanutMD Sun 23-Sep-12 08:47:28

this sounds awful for your poor DS!

I was bullied at school but nothing as serious as this. Firstly I would speak to the school again asking why these boys were able to access your DS' room when threats had been reported.

I would contact the police as this sounds like a serious assault and coypled with the others regarding the swimming pool it is actually becoming dangerous for your DS, the sexual element is worrying especially off its not just one person.

Inform the school you will fee reporting to the police, they may just write up a report but hopefully but hopefully they go round and scare the bully.

It sounds awful for all of you and I hoe that your DS is a well as could be expected.

Mydogsleepsonthebed Sun 23-Sep-12 08:47:39

Go to the police. Please. Let them handle it.

Hopeforever Sun 23-Sep-12 08:48:07

Agree this is serious, what did the school say on Friday.

You can go to the police and make a formal complaint which they will have to deal with, but you say the worse experience was on a trip abroad so you may be better to wait while the school takes action

Romilly70 Sun 23-Sep-12 08:48:23

OP, your poor poor son. I'm afraid I agree with your husband i would be involving the police. This is way beyond a bit of name calling; it is assault. (I am also wondering whether the photos, even if deleted can be retrieved from the phone as evidence.)

your DS's school has not done enough, i would just let them know you are contacting the police

visualarts Sun 23-Sep-12 08:48:56

Yes these allegations are really serious and i would want police involved. Will be interested to read what others have to say but that is my immediate thought. Also would want quick action from pastoral head - a decision by beginning of the week as to what they're going to do. I':d be on the phone to school on monday.

Loads of sympathy to your ds and to both you and your dh - this must be so awful for you. What did pastoral head say on friday?

HecateHarshPants Sun 23-Sep-12 08:50:11

Yes. I would report it to the police.

I would also move schools. I wouldn't mess about. Bugger all that 'why move the victim' stuff. Doesn't matter. Only thing that matters is the child is away from that situation, imo.

QOD Sun 23-Sep-12 08:51:10

Police, and the room mate will be brave enough, once those little fuckers are in real trouble, to speak up

Your poor son, honestly, what the fuck

NormaStanleyFletcher Sun 23-Sep-12 08:53:37

What did the school say on Friday?

I think I would tell them that I would be involving the police. Your son has been physically and sexually assaulted.

Hope he is ok sad

visualarts Sun 23-Sep-12 08:53:58

Cross posted - i see others agree police. Would they really just write up a report peanut - these allegations are so serious? (i don't know much about how they handle these things).

cressidacow Sun 23-Sep-12 08:56:40

Gosh, I was expecting a chorus of "let the school deal with it" not so many suggestions to involve police. Thank you so much for all your views so far. I feel so terribly guilty that I want there for ds when he was clearly terriefied in a hotel room in another country.

Re the incident on Thursday (tony reportedly stuck a finger up the backside if a friend of ds whilst he was bending over to put PE kit in ba. Tony (or possibly another boy) then grabbed ds' friends hips from behind and thrust back and forth agaisnt him. Despite the boy being very distressed and the parents going in to school, school have dismissed the changing room incident as childish pranks. I suspect they might try and do the same here.

FWIW, its a private school.

HellATwork Sun 23-Sep-12 08:56:57

So Tony and his friends are 14 - 15 yrs old and DS is 2 years below so 12 - 13 years old? And your DS has SEN which Tony is using to pick on him with?

Several of these events send me cold (the swimming incident sounds terrifying in itself) and the nightime incidents.....well....I have to agree with your DH a 14 - 15 year old knows pinning someone down and rubbing their genitals in their face is sexual assault and I would go to the police.

What did the school say? If they're being remotely slack (what did they say about looking after them as if he he were their parent and how he was left to Tony and his friends every evening - in loco parentis ffs - which is only their legal duty surely not even a reassurance?) school need to know this is not 'bullying' it is sexual harassment/sexual assault and you will be reporting it as such.

Your DS sounds like an absolute trooper (v impressed he even wanted to go on the school trip despite Tony)

nameuschangeus Sun 23-Sep-12 08:57:05

Oh heck. This is awful. Serious. Assault.

You need to tell the school and get the police involved. The least I would expect is for these boys to be permanently excluded. I would also want the police to be allowed to look at their phones.

So sorry your family are going through this. Whatever happens don't think you are over reacting or taking things too far. It is assault.

TeaBrick Sun 23-Sep-12 08:57:25

If it had happened to an adult, no-one would hesitate to call the police

nameuschangeus Sun 23-Sep-12 08:58:51

And if the school don't respond and take it as a serious matter I think I might go to governors or possibly even press blush

TwllBach Sun 23-Sep-12 09:02:28

Take it to the police OP. and I, for one, am appalled and disgusted that the school dismissed the incident in the changing room with your Ds' friend as anything other than sexual assault. If that had happened in the street or in the work place with grown adults it would be a different story.

HellATwork Sun 23-Sep-12 09:03:55

Wow. So penetrating somone against their will is "childish pranks". Looks like the school are giving Tony and his friends carte blanche to carry on sexually assaulting pupils 2 years younger than them. I would be absolutely raging OP. There will be people along far more than knowledgable than me but I thought kids acting out sexually like this would also be a child protection issue for the child doing the sexually assaulting because they may be being abused themselves, so if you feel any guilt/doubt about escalating to the police I think you should consider Tony and his friends need help as well as needing to be stopped immediately for DS and everyone else's safety.

meditrina Sun 23-Sep-12 09:04:31

I agree with peanutMD. You need to keep the school on side as far as possible because your aim here must surely be to have this dealt with effectively and that DS to be able to continue there in a normal fashion.

So I'd tell them (by email, so there is a record) what happened on the trip, and you are now so concerned at the level of physical harm and threat, at a time when their best efforts were promised, that you have no option but to go to the police. Ask for an appointment to discuss your DS's safety whist the now numerous incidents are being investigated. See what they say.

Doyouthinktheysaurus Sun 23-Sep-12 09:05:50

I would call the police, immediately, I think it's a very serious assault and needs treating as such.

The school clearly haven't dealt adequately with previous incidents and the fact that no adult picked upon the swimming pool assault would ring huge alarm bells with me.

Call the police and don't send your DS back would be my advice!

cocolepew Sun 23-Sep-12 09:05:52

Definitely tell the police, your poor DS.

Rubysmommy Sun 23-Sep-12 09:07:57

You could report it to the Police but the main incident that happened abroad would have to be dealt with by the force in the country where it happened. If reported here, the Police could deal with the previous swimming pool incident and if you wanted to, send your complaint to the relevant countries Police about the trip incident. Depending on where you are, depends on the forces policy in dealing with juvenile crime, as to how they'd deal with Tony. As others have said, even if you don't want to make a formal complaint, it might be a good idea to contact the Police to make them aware of the situation. At least then it is recorded, the school can act and then if it continues the Police are already aware and will have background knowledge.
I'd be speaking to the school and complaining that Tony got into your sons room on more than one occasion, allowing him to do what he did.

madeupmummy2012 Sun 23-Sep-12 09:08:00

Jesus, this is sexual assault. I would definately go to the police as next time it could go even further. I feel so sorry for your son, i hope you get things sorted. thanks

Hopeforever Sun 23-Sep-12 09:08:39

Is it a very small school? It's unusual for year 7 & 9 to have trips abroad together.

How did the older boys get access to the younger boys hotel room, was the door locked? These will be questions the police will ask.

Would it be possible for the school to stop years 9 & 7 using the changing rooms at the same time and being in the pool at the same time?

droves Sun 23-Sep-12 09:11:19

Police need to be brought in ASAP . This Tony is sexually assaulting children and needs to be stopped before he actually rapes someone's child.

The school need to be taken to account for the lack of action against Tony and his " friends " .

No way in hell would I send my children to a school that allows a sexual preditor free reign to do as he pleases . That place is needing shut down.

I hope your wee boy is ok and recovers from this vile bullying , I also hope he has told you everything , as children who are bullied are often to afraid to tell everything . sad

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