What to do what to do?...'bully' turns up again

[BogeyNights]

DS has mixed years in his school: Y3/Y4 and Y5/Y6. In the later part of Y3 he was consistently picked on by a Y4 boy. Kicking him in class, tripping him up in the playground, name calling etc. We talked to DS about it, and he handled it ok and tried to rise about it all.

In Y4 the lad was no longer in DSs class but would still carry out the kicks and trips and name calling but this time solely in the playground. Things came to a head, I spoke to the teacher and she 'had a word' with the lad. The behaviours went on sporadically and my DS reported to teacher when they happened. Until one day the lad and my DS were pulled in the HTs office and told that they should sort things out by keeping away from each other. Things have died down and DS hasn't mentioned this lad bothering him for a good term now. I had a casual chat with DSs teacher earlier this term and I said that I didn't want DS to be in that boys class again.

The new class lists have been issued and I just found out that DS is in this boys class again. I'm not at all happy about it and spoke to his teacher that day to say so. How the hell are they supposed to avoid each other when they are in the same class again!?

I feel that it's partly my fault for not putting my wishes in writing earlier this term. But then I feel that the teacher should have at least considered the boys' past relationship and mentioned to the HT or let me know that it was a possibility they would be together again.

I've been told that DS can't be put in another class as they are all up to 32 children. So basically DS has to put up with it. And yet, there are new children starting in September in his year who know no one at the school, so what difference does it make which class they go into?

[KissMyEmbroideryHoop]

well I suspect the class lists have been released to all concerned and the school won't want to look incompetent by calling and changing things.

But...this can be a good thing..it can be a chance for you to stamp on this behaviour IF it does rear it's head again.

Ask for a copy of the schools anti bullying policy....so you know where you stand. At the FIRST sniff of bullying ask to see the teacher....tell hr that next time, you will see the HT as they're failing your son.

Then if it DOES happen again...see the HT...and tell her it has to stop or you will write to the govrners.

[BogeyNights]

I know you're right, the school doesn't want to lose face.

Thank you for seeing a positive, that's what I needed. I shall speak to the Head tomorrow, get anti bullying policy and as you say, pounce when there is the first sniff of bullying. Take it further if necessary and make myself a PIA if things continue as before.

Gee whizz! Isn't life so bloody hard sometimes!

[minceorotherwise]

I'd give it one more go with the head if you see them tomorrow. No harm in trying?
Go in armed with all the info, the affect on home life, all the issues and how the school was marvellous in helping resolve them the first time. And that, together with the teachers you put advised strategies in place, which unfortunately didn't work out and as advised, the best course of action was for them to be split up, which has worked really well.
How you understand it was an oversight that they are now in the same class, but your son has now started having issues at home, worrying etc, and could they possibly in this instance swap him?
It is unlikely as the class lists have been posted, but I'd give it a go. If nothing else, you have raised the issue before it occurs, they know your feelings on the matter and you want a note put on the file, the new teachers informed before the start of term, and want it monitoring with updates.

[BogeyNights]

mince you sound very well versed in this!

My philosophy has always been that if you don't ask, you don't know. I shall speak to HT tomorrow. It's clear that I should have better documented things before now, but yes, going in armed and ready, but with a grateful and respectful attitude can only help!

[CointreauVersial]

You might well find that the bullying has run its course, and after a year apart it no longer is a problem. IME children change so much so quickly. My DCs have ended up in similar situations, i.e. in a class with someone who has caused problems in the past, but it has not been an issue second time around.

[minceorotherwise]

Yes, unfortunately I had similar problems this year, so it's still quite fresh!
I just found that the best approach was the most direct, no waffle, straightforward facts of what was going on and asking them to tell me how they were going to fix it
Then keeping in top of it so they did not allow it to slide, without being pushy
To be fair, they were very, very good and it got much better with time
We changed classes too
Good luck !

[BogeyNights]

Spoke to HT last night (BTW he's a new HT and not the same one that said "keep away from each other" to DS and bully).

Great chat about everything. He won't move classes for DS as he thinks that will single him out again as it would eventually become common knowledge (one way or the other) that bully is the reason that DS moved classes. No one in the school has moved classes this year.

HT also spoke to DS in person today and told him that he can come and speak to him about anything that happens from September, even if it means they speak everyday. HT has also given a heads up to the teaching staff in DSs new class.

Ds is happy with this and feels reassured, as do we. I will be vigilant and document anything that happens from now on, but DS knows that HT, his teachers and us are on the case. HT also said, as did cointreau, that the bullying may have run it's course and it may be that nothing happens in the new school year. Let's hope not, anyway.

Talking is such a wonderful thing sometimes, isn't it? I slept well last night and feel far more relaxed about September.

[ajandjjmum]

Glad you're more comfortable able this - have a great summer!

[ajandjjmum]

*about!

[minceorotherwise]

That's really good news, and keeping your son involved and part of the process removes the stigma and enables him to be more open with you if things do go wrong
Well done!!!