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Bullying

9 yr old Ds verbally wound up by class mate but can only retaliate pyhsically

3 replies

katielarou · 23/03/2011 23:21

Really looking for some kind advice.

My lovely, live wire, highly strung, hot tempered, slight learning difficulty, weak auditory memory 9yr old DS dislikes another boy in his class who dislikes him as much. This boy unfortunately has a slight disability and is quite short for his age.

I won't go into it as there is a CATALOGUE of incidences between the both of them but I know this lad gives it out as much as my DS does. And when I have witnessed it it's my DS I see who is close to tears where this boy looks calm and in control and I have heard lots of things about him so I know he isn't innocent at all.

Unfortunately at times my DS has hit out, kicked, pushed etc. AND I'm sure sometimes he has done it unprovoked, I know he's not completely blameless! I suppose the final straw for his mum was last Friday when supposedly my DS kicked him between the legs. The boy didn't tell the teacher this, just that he was pushed. She came to me at school, shouting that my son was a bully, that I wasn't a good enough mum that I wasn't hard enough on him, that he needed help that she had a right mind to phone the police. It was awful. We went to the school. After her mtg I was told she admitted her son wound children up but in the end it was my child that hit out.......

Only today I found out my DS can only now eat his lunch with the lower years not with his own age group while the other boy can. I told my husband today who has always been telling me not to worry and so on... But he completely flipped! And so my stomach churns even more....

He plans to call the school tomorrow to give them a piece of his mind. I'm a peace keeper and a BIG part of me thinks NO!! Please don't, but maybe this is what is needed, maybe one of us needs to stick up for our DS. I haven't said but in the mtg with the school on the Friday after the mum incident I pretty much cried all the way through it... pathetic.. but I couldn't help it.. they mean so much to me and I have seen how much that boy upsets my DS!

Sorry how long this is. I have to finally add, that my DS has no probs with other kids, has a GREAT best friend, in loads of clubs and gets on grand with his 6yr old brother and boy cousins. I do have an appointment with my doc on Monday as I feel so powerless and if I can help my DS to gain skills to cope with these problems within his school then all the better.

I understand boy's mum would be over-protective, I pretty much understand everything, it still doesn't stop the fact the boy winds my DS as much as my DS kicks back at him but it's my son being punished.

Please, any kind helpful advice would be very welcome.

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Sanesometimes1 · 24/03/2011 23:09

Hi, gosh this is a difficult one.............. I can fully appreciate how you are feeling and can also see if from the other mothers point of view, has the school tried to get them to sit down calmly together and try to work out between them what can be done to stop these situations coming up again?

Perhaps together they can sort out some sort of truce? I do actually think it's very unfair that your child is excluded from the rest of his peers at lunch, and I think your dh has every right to call the school........... perhaps by the morning he'll not be so angry and will be able to talk to them calmly about ways to move forward.

I hope this works out ok for you and wish well.

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ll31 · 26/03/2011 15:34

can you teach your ds one or two stock phrases to retaliate with when other child says something nasty mean... separating your ds from group sounds unfair and I would be onto school immediately

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DurhamDurham · 26/03/2011 15:42

No real advice except to say that it is just a case of both mother's feeling angry and upset on behalf of her child.
It is a difficult situation but I would be furious if a child had lashed out at mine because they were being wound up. Kicking and pushing are v unacceptable, the school had to do something. The other boy might have had other sanctions put in place so I wouldn't ring school to complain before you know the facts.

Hope it gets sorted soon as it's horrible for everyone concerned.

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