I have a tale to tell about a girl who bullied me. She's all grown up now.....famous actually and wouldn't remember me nor the absolute fear she induced in me. I'll come to that in a while.
But first, I wonder why there is so much bullying in our society. Successive campaigns have stated "Zero Tolerance" with regard to bullying and yet, it is rife....in schools, in the workplace, in domestic settings.
My son has ASD and OCD with Tourettes-type tendencies. He is ten. At the moment, he is in a mainstream primary, a lovely school where the other kids understand him, include him and are protective of him. Outside of school, he is laughed at for his peculiar behaviours and other kids give him a wide berth. He has been told to "go away - you're weird" and has become more and more isolated. I fear for his future. Especially in secondary school where I know that kids who don't "fit in" get picked on. I recently visited a mainstream secondary where the SENCO casually told me that, yes, there is bullying at the school but they find EVEN the kids with various behavioural conditions become quite robust and give as good as they get. Like, that was supposed to make me feel better!! My son won't be going there despite it being an excellent academic school and literally, over the road from our home.
I wish we mums had the power to get to grips with this.
Now, back to me. In 1973, aged ten, I got a scholarship to go to a specialist school 200 miles away from my home. I wanted to go but I was homesick and a very weeny ten! A girl two years older than me took great delight in making my life a constant misery. I was a Northerner and I think she singled me out for her special attention because of my "Coronation Street" accent. She really enjoyed the paralysing fear she produced in me. She would from time to time, lock me in a bathroom overnight or (because it was a very old building) the space made between two rooms by adjoining doors. I would know that I'd be stuck there, freezing.....till morning. If there'd been a fire, I'd have been cindered.
Years later (I'm now 48) I see this woman all the time. She is beloved by the British public. Famous. Has awards for her "craft" and yet, I look at her and I see that bully, plain as day. She wouldn't even remember me but, when she's on TV I switch over......her character/persona is basically the same 12 - 16yr old I remember. Not acting at all. I'm not scarred by her but to me, she hasn't changed. She has recently been very ill and I feel nothing. I feel no ill will particularly but neither do I join in with the "oh, how awful, poor woman" conversations.
I wish we mums could do something, really DO SOMETHING about bullying and bullies. I wish it was taken seriously in schools. If it's "tolerated" as part of life's rich tapestry then is it any wonder these people grow up to continue their antics as adults?
It makes me desperately sad and very, very cross.
Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.
Bullying
My bully's all grown up now...
DeLadyDeGaga · 17/02/2011 10:22
I'm sorry you went through that. Bullying is vile yet so many teachers refuse to even see it, let alone try to stop it. DD was bullied at primary and nothing was done to the girls responsible. Now at 12 they are spiteful shallow little cows who make life horrible for anyone around them. It was so predictable, yet no-one did anything.
Your post shows that the saying that bullies will have a bad life while the victims will go on to great success is a lie. It makes me so angry.
Schools should definitely step up and properly discipline bullies. In dd's case the bullys mum was no better than a spiteful 12 yo so it's not surprising her dd is like that. The school just shrugged their shoulders. I think they were a bit scared of the mum.
I don't know what the answer is. Schools have bullying policies but seem to refuse to implement them. 
Glad to hear you're happy and successful 
Yes, it's true many don't get over it totally. I consider myself happy but I'm not successful and my happiness definitely depends on keeping people at a distance. I have trouble looking people in the eye, just keep my head down. It's definitely down to being bullied. Bizarrely I do find it easy to speak up about injustices but can barely manage chit-chat. But surely people shouldn't have to experience injustice to be opposed to it? Or can that empathy only really be learned by having gone through it yourself? Is that why some people don't take it seriously?
Glad you were vindicated at work, I think it really helps when bullying is acknowleged and apologies made.
BTW, any chance of hinting who your bully was? (I know you probably won't but I'm really curious now 
)
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I listened to a talk by a well known sports person some years ago. It was given in a very large conference centre/arena to about 2000 people.
She named and shamed the school bully, and the headmaster who told her she would never amount to anything.
I imagine it was something that still played on her mind even after her success.
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