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Bullying

What should I do?

7 replies

tort1972 · 11/02/2011 21:40

Help. My son is in Yr 1 at school and generally loving it. When he started at school in Reception he seemed to be extremely friendly with one boy and we never heard anyone else's name mentioned. After 2 terms we were called in to see the teacher and were staggered to hear that this other boy was clinging to our son and preventing him from making any other friends. We were told not to worry and that children generally find their feet and friends in future years and it would probably all blow over. However we were told it was quite rare and that it was a mild form of bullying. School took some little measures to keep them apart ie sitting them apart etc but this other boy would sit next to our son every lunchtime and play with him in the playground all the time. A year later our son has finally found a new little friend and for the first time has started talking about someone else at home. However, over the past few weeks this other child has been "crowding" our son again - waiting for him in the morning at his table, giving him presents/stickers/sweets and the our son has said this other child is playing with our son's new friend and could I have a word to stop it. I think it has probably been going on the whole time but our son has been oblivious.
My worry is that in a small village school (20 in this class) my son will have this child as his best friend without it ever being his choice and this could last until secondary school. This has affected the whole family as we are at a loss as to what to do. We feel that our only option is to move schools. Does anyone have any suggestions to help me to stop worrying about this weird situation.

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aurorastargazer · 11/02/2011 21:53

i'm not sure sorry but i couldn't let your post go unanswered ((hugs))
did you say you've spoken to your son's teacher?

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tort1972 · 11/02/2011 21:58

Yes, we made her aware when our son moved up to Yr1 and since then have had to bring it up twice. I have spoken to her for a third time today after this child has given ours his reward prizes for the past two days.we have said we are really unhappy and she has contacted me to say she would like us to meet with the headmaster to see how we can resolve it. Can't really see a way out as our son is not aware there is a major problem. Just thinks he has a buddy who is always there! Think he got confused yesterday when I suggested he did not accept any more "gifts" from this other child. Poor little man.

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aurorastargazer · 11/02/2011 22:04

maybe this other child is really insecure? is it possible to speak to the boy's mum?

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savoycabbage · 11/02/2011 22:07

Well, can't you have the other/new friend over after school or something so that they can 'develop their relationship' outside of school?

You can't stop the new friend playing with the other child though, if I read that part right. Nor can you end the friendship that your son has with the little boy who is over the top friends with your son.

I suppose you can tell your ds that he can say 'sorry Jim, I am sitting next to/being partners with Huan today' as I imagine that being quite hard to do. It is hard as an adult.

If your son is not really aware of it then its not as big of a problem than it would be if he was aware.

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tort1972 · 11/02/2011 22:12

That is exactly what the Reception teacher said. I wondered about speaking to the mum but I didn't know whether it would be better to let school try to help this little boy and his parents rather than take matters into my own hands.

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tort1972 · 11/02/2011 22:25

Sorry savoycabbage my reply was to aurorastargazer so may have appeared a little odd! You are right, we can't stop the other friendship. We are trying to promote the new friend and have had him over to play once. We will be inviting him back again in a couple of weeks as they had great fun. Our son is starting to realise there is a problem as he has commented on several occasions that this other child is coming to sit next to him during lunch when he wants to sit next to his new friend.
Many thanks for your suggestions, I will keep you posted

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tort1972 · 22/02/2011 20:48

Just thought I would update after my meeting with the headmaster. It was a very positive meeting about how well my son is doing at school etc etc. However, they still do not seem to get it and I was even told that maybe, later in the school, my son might actually become bestfriends with this other child. This is exactly what I do not want to happen as this friendship may not have been a choice of my son's but one that was forced upon him. We have decided to bide our time here at this school and may well move house in a few years which would enable us to move schools too. I never thought I would become a neurotic mother but it would appear I have been transformed! I must learn to chill!!

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