Advice for Yr7 DS :(

[EmmaRachel]

Hi everyone,

My son just started Yr 7, he is a very academic child, quite shy, but looses his temper easily, this puts him in the position that other kids find out he is an easy target, say something stupid, or very unfair, (This is a word that gets used a lot), and he can't help but react.

We have told him to try not to, to walk away, to ignore them, say 'yeah, whatever,' or the like, but it isn't working.

The school have been fab, can't fault them :) which is great, and good to know they are looking out for him, but no sooner has one group of bully's been dealt with, a new group appear and start on him :(

Does anyone have any tips on helping a child to control their emotions, not wear their heart on their sleeve so much, snap so easily, etc?

Any help very much appreciated
x

[atah]

your poor DS and poor you.

does he have the support of a couple of friends? bullies will attack the socially isolated so to have friends around him will help.

in the words of Lady Gaga a "poker face" is what he needs, even if it doesn't come naturally he could practise in the mirror, if their words have no effect they will soon lose interest.

Not much help at the moment but the kids who are cool at 11 won't always be - his time will come............good luck.

[Tabliope]

EmmanRachel, my DS has the same problem. It's a viscious circle. I'll be interested to see if anyone has any advice. I think atah is right, their time will come and I think they'll come into their own as adults. I wishing the time away to get there.

[EmmaRachel]

I have tried to tell him just that, one of his favourite songs is 'Yeah, whatever!' and I told him just think that, and at home where he feels safe, and protected and happy, (thank goodness) he can do it and feels strong. But then goes to school and it all goes pear shaped when they start on him again.

I keep saying to him...you don't want to feel like this, do you? You don't like it? Only you can stop it! He does have friends in his year and a couple in the years above, but although they aren't bullying him themselves they don't really stick up for him.

He then feels let down, snaps at them, they get in a strop have a fight amongst themselves and he feels isolated. Some of his friends have issues of their own, not bullying, trouble at home, and I have tried to explain to my DS that they are feeling under pressure too...again he gets it when we are at home, but it all goes out the window in the heat of the moment :(

Being a mum sucks at times like this, I feel utterly useless, now I understand how my um felt when she found out I was bullied :(

[Tabliope]

It is horrible. As you say it all goes out the window in the heat of the moment. Could you start him at a different school where he could have a fresh start? I've heard from a few people that once a child is targeted like this it is hard to break the cycle. They can ignore for ages but the bullies keep on and on pressing the buttons looking for the reaction. I am sorry for you. I know exactly how you feel because I feel the same way too. Many people suggest a martial art. Would he be interested in that? Not for the fighting side but I hear it instills a sense of confidence.

[EmmaRachel]

Thanks everyone, His tutor is actually a black belt in ta kwon do (sp) and he has mentioned that a few times...so I might look into it. I just worry about him getting hurt, I think if he did he would give up pretty quickly...but yes that I think is our next step.

I don't really want to move him to another school, as the friends he does have re all at this one, and it is walking distance etc...I guess only time will tell :)

But thank you for the support, its great to speak to other mums in the same boat
x

[atah]

taekwondo is a great idea and it sounds like his tutor is really on his side which must be such a comfort for you.

I think its a little bit soon to think of moving schools, he hasn't even done a full term yet, give it time. Its a new school for all of them, they are all trying to flex their muscles and look cool to the older kids, that will settle down and in the meantime he needs to work on his whatever attitude, whilst letting his real feelings out with you at home, be strong.

[Mumoutofwater]

My DS is experiencing the same problem and I am also feeling so powerless and worried. You are so fortunate that your son's tutor acknowledges the problem and is keen to help - my son's tutor seems to think that this happens to everyone at some time and our DS should just live with it! I am horrified that Y7s are such a target for the older kids - what kind of society are we living in where it is just accepted that this sort of thing goes on in our Secondary Schools? The school takes a "no blame" approach to the bullies - it counsels them on the impact their behavior is having, but the persistent offenders look at it as a badge of honour! Perhaps a little reverse humiliation would work?! Maybe they should be made to wear T-shirts that say, "I am a big, brave, bad dude - I pick on smaller, smarter, younger and weaker kids to show everyone how cool I am". It is so frustrating as academically my DS is doing better than ever - I just dread his return from school every day, as there is always another incident. His friends are very sympathetic but don't stand up to the bullies - I think that they are relieved that they are not the target.