Boarding School Bullying

[NicolaAnnie]

My DS is has just started his second year boarding. He was very badly bullied last year and suffered silently for months before things came to a head. The school, staff and many of the other students are very supportive as there are only 4 main boys doing the bullying,lead by 1.

There are only 6 boys boarding in his form so it is a very enclosed situation. These 4 boys have been suspended on numerous occasions for various forms of bullying and bad behavior. Unfortunately, in Ireland, if a school decides to expel a pupil, the school must provide an alternative place of education so the school has changed the rules of government so that they can expel a boarder from boarding.

Within 20 hours of the boys being back, it has started again in a very minor format of taunting him quietly. I think that the best thing he could do is toughen up to them and tell them to 'Grow up' etc. Up until now he has ignored them and became very withdrawn. While knowing how he feels, I think he should take a stand as to zero toleration on his part.

Can anyone give me advice as to how to help him? He is an intelligent, sensitive person but ,I know from being bullied myself, how hard it is to summon up the courage to face the demons.

[Portofino]

How old is he? What do the school suggest?

[Alouiseg]

I would call the school and suggest that as they are incapable of dealing with it you will be involving the police.

Failing that I would remove my child from the situation.

[autodidact]

Why is he boarding?

[TheCrackFox]

Have you thought about changing schools?

[NicolaAnnie]

My DS has just turned 13 and is a year younger than most of his year. We moved from UK last summer and now live in a rural area. He is severely disgraphic ( Spelling and handwriting) and this school is the nearest that would uphold the format of teaching that he was used to. It would not be possible for him to travel there on a 'day pupil basis' as it would be too far.The school part is great but the boarding part, at the moment, is difficult. He does not get teased about this problem. He just uses a laptop and that is not uncommon in this school.

The other thing is that the main ring leader lives nearby to us and comes from a very strange family. This boy has not had the word 'no' said to him very often and is an only son,grandson and nephew from a family of 5 men where his father is the only one that married, hence he will inherit 'the land'. Sounds ridiculous but I'm not making this up. His mother is a very nervous lady who is intimidated by him.

If anyone knows of any books that would suit for my DS to reads, I would be very grateful for any recommendations.

[autodidact]

I didn't mean it in a personal/ideological way. Apologies if that's how it came across. I do think it matters as a boarding school is a particularly difficult environment if there is bullying/other unhappiness, I'd have thought, as there is no refuge or respite from the problem. Have you thought about contacting Kidscape, NicolaAnnie?

[NicolaAnnie]

Thank you for the suggestion. I will certainly pursue your suggestion.

I'm in a situation that I need to help my son to help himself at this stage. The school are doing everything that they can and I cannot see where they can do more. We have had many meetings over the last few months with various key members of staff. They are very experienced and caring and are aghast and shocked that they have to deal with a situation that the bullying is the worst in the history of the school.

It's unreal what this kid has done. Urinating into other students bags, openly disrespectful to older students, stealing etc etc. I could go on but..... we are dealing with a very dysfunctional persona here.

Weird or what????? But unfortunately, he has become my problem.

[maktaitai]

three things come to mind:

Could you consider moving so that your son could attend on a day basis?

I don't quite understand about the expelling issue - are you saying that the school can't expel this bully?

What helped you when you were bullied?

Hope there are more helpful posts here soon.

[Theochris]

NicolaAnnie, I hope that this doesn't upset you. I do not have school age children yet but my brother was bullied.

If I could in your shoes I would remove my son from that school with immediate effect. They have had their chance to sort it out and it is not sorted. He is only 13, bring him home and look for another school.

Good luck

[NicolaAnnie]

Moving wouldn't be possible for various reasons.

In Ireland, a policy was brought in at some stage by some government that if a pupil was to be expelled by a school the school would have to provide an alternative place of education. Last year there were 100 expulsions and 99 of the pupils were reinstated on appeal through the Dept of Education. I'm not sure how this works but this is what I was told by the school head master when he expressed his frustration about wanting to expel this particular pupil. But they have introduced a way around it by rewriting the rulebook. They can expel a boarder from boarding and may attend as a day pupil.

We'll get there some how.

Thanks for the input.

[Slambang]

If the school cannot stop the bullying and they also cannot 'relocate' the bully in a new school then I would start campaigning and publicising the problem among other parents, plus threatening legal action against the school on the grounds that they are not providing a safe environment for your child.

You can be sure that as a pricey private school (I assume) their reputation is paramount and unwelcome publicity would magically focus their minds. You can be very sure that they would suddenly find a way of excluding the bully.

[compo]

So the boy bullying your son has been forced tobe a day pupil?
How is your son? Does he come home at weekends?
If it gets really bad could you move back to the uk or home educate?

[NicolaAnnie]

I have made note of some of the suggestions made and thank you . There are certainly options for me to get tough with the school.

My son comes home at weekends and we have good,quality family time when he is home.

Moving house or back to the UK just isn't an option financially or otherwise.

One of my strong feeling's is why should my son move? He is a well behaved, hardworking pupil that doesn't cause trouble and has been called 'an asset to the school'.

When he comes home on Friday, I'm going to ask him to look at some of the websites involving bullying and suggest some reading as well. I have to watch out that he is not being oversensitive and /or over reacting. He is not usually but in the case of this bullying......its a fine balancing act

[sleepychunky]

OP, please do call Kidscape 08451 205 204. They will be able to help you and your son. You are completely right - there is no reason why your son should have to move schools, and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. Kidscape will be able to help you and send you information for you and your son.