12 yo girls giving my D grief to and from school

[74claire]

You'll no doubt recognise this one, the wannabe alpha-female who dictates who can be friends with who. Pulling faces across the classroom was one thing, but calling names on the route home and standing in her way etc on the way to school is getting too much. My daughter is sensible and doesn't like to make a fuss, but I worry that she'll end up retaliating and the nice girls will get her into trouble. Plus, unless any of us move, there's another four years of the same walk to school

I have promised not to intervene, if she will talk to her teachers about it.

In the process of writing this, the two girls have come to call on her. How's that for timing? This is the first time in months . . . one wearing a riding hat and the other carrying a horse whip. I can't say I'm sad that my girl's out with other friends; but already being cross about the issue, I couldn't stop myself asking why they're calling, when they've been making fun of her for so long. They squirmed and looked guilty and asked if they could come back later. I said they could ring to speak to her if they wanted to apologise.

Part of me is glad to have confronted them and the other part of me concerned that they'll use it against my daughter. Maybe it will nip it in the bud and there can be a clean start next term.

Any thoughts gratefully received!

[MarthaQuest]

No advice really, but I would have acted in the same way the same as you.

I have a similar situation with a 12 year old girl who seems to have taken a dislike to ds (8). They see each other in the local park, and yesterday, when DS went on ahead of me on his bike, she was encouraging others to call him 'poopy boy'. (DS is mixed race and I suspect that there was a racist element to this teasing.)

I have confronted this girl in the past, over bullying other children but it seems to have made things worse. Very difficult to know what to do, so am watching this thread with interest.

[namechangingchick]

I think you did the right thing.

The fact that they squirmed probably means that they didn't think you would know about it, and now that they do, I would like to think that they will not bother her again.

Hope your DD is ok x

[74claire]

Thanks, I hope it doesn't backfire on me/her. I had promised not to say anything, in the hope that it would encourage her to keep talking to me. So I expect she'll be somewhat miffed with me, when I tell her I had words with them.

I hope she can maintain her sense of integrity and not feel like I've betrayed her. I know I was gently-spoken with them and hope I've given them something to think about.

[StayingDavidTennantsGirl]

I wish my mum had done something similar to the kids who bullied me at school. She told me that the name calling wouldn't hurt me, and dismissed my unhappiness - and from that grew my long history of depression.

I think you are a wonderful mum, and that your dd understands why you said what you did.

[74claire]

I am relieved to hear that SDTS (not that you have a depressive history mind).

My daughter was very cross to hear they had been round and wanted to get straight onto MSN to give them a piece of her mind. I put a stop to that and hope we hear no more of it. Her anger was much more than she'd indicated before, so I'm very glad she has shared with me and I hope we can retain this through her teen years.

[PollyTechnique]

Well, they came to you rather than you going to them so I think your intervention was legitimate.

Hopefully they have a bit of respect for parental authority and will back off [hopeful].