ahh DS3 driving me potty - when he's not feeding every hour, he's screaming hysterically at the bottle.......

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

when I offer it to him. We seem to be developing a pattern - early morining BF - no problems. All morning hourly feeds (3-6oz depending on his mood) no problems (apart from fequency). Come afternoon (particualrly late afternoon/early evening) screams hysterically when offered the bottle, although does usually manage to take 2-3oz when gently coaxed to. Middle of the night (approx 2am) DH gives him a bottle - usually guzzles a good 5-6oz - no problems.

So why do I get this hysteria about the bottle in the afternoons - but not in the mornings???? And why does he feed so frequently in the mornings but a bit less afternoon/early evening??

Today has been really hot so I've ended up giving him one or 2 short BF's as I'm worried about the lack of liquid he's taken..

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

does anyone have any pearls of wisdom as to why he would be doing this??? Please???

[throckenholt]

how old is he?

Maybe he is just grumpier in the afternoon and wants what he likes - whereas in the morning he can tolerate the bottle ok.

Are you trying to give up breast feeding ? If not I would just breast feed in the afternoon for a while until he gets a bit older.

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

he's 10 weeks. Thing is at the weekend when DH is here he's not so bad about taking the bottle in the afternoon (ie he takes it quite nicely from DH) - but in the afternoons for me it's a nightmare.

I'm not really trying to "stop" but certainly have cut him down, but giving him the bottle means that in the late afternoon/early evening I'm (usually - when he's not screaming the house down because he's hungry but not taking the bottle) able to cook dinner, bath the DS's, put them to bed, etc etc - if I go back to bf'ing him in the afternoons/early evenings I'm going to be sat on the sofa the whole time unable to do anything.

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

anyone else??? It's really getting to me now - what with being hard to settle (but not hard for DH) and now this bottle thing......feel pretty sh*t tbh

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

well I know I'm talking to myself (nothing new for me on MN "wry " - but I've just managed to get 1oz (whoopeedoo.....) down him and he's now asleep. Last week or so when he's gone to sleep at this time he's woken up well past midnight - so at least the next bottle will be from DH and not me...

Gawd I feel like such a failure with him atm, more often than not I can't get him settled to sleep without letting him cry, he hardly takes any milk in the afternoons/evenings from me and as a result is pretty grumpy, he's more settled and happy with DH......where am I going wrong?????

[throckenholt]

he can smell the milk on you that is why he is less settled with you.

How old are your other ones ? Could they maybe give him the bottle for you ?

Other option would be to get a sling and learn to breast feed walking round (not as hard as it sounds honest). Even if you couldn't feed having him in the sling may well keep him happier anyway.

As for settling him to sleep - how about leaving him with an out of tune radio - the white noise is supposed to help relax them - I have seen it work amazingly well with a friends baby (it was a hoover actually but the same principle).

Just try different things and see what works for you. Maybe change bathtime for the others to the morning when he is happier, prepare tea earlier etc.

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

the DS's are 6 (7 next month) and 3 (4 in November).

I do have a sling, and I have breastfed him in it, but he's suddenly decided he hates it and I find it hard work going all afternoon and evening with him in it.

Morning baths would only really work at the weekends (still tricky on Sundays because of church) and holidays. And it does seem a little easier to settle him in evenings when he's had a bath (I do all 3 together). Dinner already gets prepared as and when .

I did try the hoover a few times.....but he sat and laughed at the noise and got more and more exited lol. I've even tried putting him in the kitchen with the extrator fan going (very noisy white noise) and he just lay there looking confused and burst into tears.

I understand him smelling the milk and being more unsettled - but why is he "ok" in the mornings, but then such hard work once DH is at work???? And at the weekends he's always absolutely fine with DH..

[lucykate]

don't know if telling you this will help but here goes . i had lots of feeding issues with ds, every feed was a battle of coaxing, and i did well to get 2-3ozs down per feed. he just didn't seem hungry for milk at all, except 3am, when he would wolf it down. i found, dropping night feeding altogether very early on helped, brought that appetite into the day time rather than at night. it just didn't seem fair that i'd have all the tears, kicking and screaming to feed him during the day, then he'd feed fine at night.

he would go to bed at 7, i'd wake him (if he hadn't woken already), between 10-11pm for a feed, then when he woke at 3, i'd cuddle him, give him a dummy, basically anything except give him milk. at first he was not happy but he did eventually get the message that he wasn't going to get milk until 6-7am ish. he still woke in the night, didn't sleep through properly until about 18 months, but was quite easy to get back off to sleep.

in the end we put him on cows milk at 10.5 months, and he much preferred it. he was late weaning too, no interest until 7 months.

i guess with your ds, he may not be hungry in the afternoon as he's still full from the morning. maybe try to get the morning feeds more spaced out, he's grazing rather than having a full feed (this is what our hv said about our ds). we started using a baby gym to entertain him, distract him from having a feed until there had been a 3 hour gap.

he's only 10 weeks old, i think it takes at least 3 months to find a natural routine with any new baby. hth

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

Dunno what to say really.

I mean, my first response would be to say just try solely b/feeding him yourself, and get DH to do the bottles as and when.

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

I know - but I just can't do the sitting down feeding him all day everyday again. Since I started giving him bottles in the day DS1 and DS2 have been so much happier (as I can actually spend a bit of time with them) . I still can't get him to sleep well (on his own) after BF'ing him so they'd lose that short bit of one on one time I am able to give them.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

Well, you cant do everything.

Got to weigh it up really.

Babies have regular phases of generally just being babies and not 'playing' ball. So it could pass on its own and gritting your teeth and bearing it may be just what is required.

Or, you could look at it from the POV that the 'extra' b/feeding will only last another few months which really isnt long in the scheme of things, at which point the one on one time can be gradually brought in.

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

another 4 months - I couldn't face another 4 months of not being able to do anything for the entire afternoon and evening, I do at least now manage to get dinner cooked, bath the boys, get them to bed etc etc in between him being awkward.

DS2 start nursery next month, so he won't be at home in the mornings. and obviously DS1 will be back at school. which means that afternoons and early evening is the only time I'll get to spend with either of them.

Evening doing things with both of them at the same time (so 2 on one time) is impossible with DS3 permanently latched

[hunkermunker]

He's getting tired in the afternoons and he's telling you he'd prefer to bfeed, I think, QoQ.

Can't you bfeed him for a couple more weeks in the afternoon rather than battle with him? He'll be a bit bigger then, more able to stay awake longer and maybe more likely to take a bottle.

You don't always have to do one or the other every day either - if he's not taking the bottle, breastfeed him. If you fancy breastfeeding him, do it. Don't think it's "failure" if you "give in" and breastfeed him - he's still only very little.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

But he is probably going through a growth spurt, and, by the time they get to 16 weeks they dont take anywhere near as long to feed anyway - its usually only 10-20 minutes 5 - 6 times a day - tops.

[hunkermunker]

Don't look too far ahead.

Even next month is too far ahead - babies this age change too fast for that.

He will start to take more interest in his surroundings soon and be amused by his older brothers.

What can't you do while you're feeding, spending time-wise? You can read to the older two, cuddle them, watch TV with them chat to them, draw with them, etc?

When DS2 goes to nursery, can you prepare dinner in the morning, so you don't have to be spending time doing that when they're all home?

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

VVV - DS1 (who I admit was weaned at just over 4 months) was still feeding ALL the time, even at 16 weeks. Even once he was weaned and having 3 "meals" a day (by 6 months ) he was still almost constantly attached to the breast inbetween whiles. I'll admit although I BF him until he was 14 months I REALLY didn't enjoy those first 6 months with him as he was impossible to put down to sleep too. I don't wnat to go back there as I was really miserable and ended up with PND .

Could I really chop and change (so to speak) with bottle/breastfeeding - will my milk actually "cope" with being messed around like that hm??

And it still doesn't solve the problem of how to put him down to sleep after a bf - on the odd day recently when I've given him a bit more BF in the afternoons I've still had to try and coax 1oz or so down him (from bottle) in order to be able to put him down to sleep.

Fck I'm bl*dy useless.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

oh you arent useless at all.

I struggled with just the two and DS who was a b/feeding nightmare.

Its tough.

Have you got a sling? Perhaps he can just stay in the sling and latch when he likes whilst you get on with other things - hands free to a certain extent?

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

sorry x posts with your last post HM.

He's already a nosey little so and so when he's awake and find DS1 (in particular) highly amusing to look at....but even switching "activites" (so to speak) with him to try and extend the time between feeds gets us not very far.

I suppose I could try preparing dinner in the mornings - but that's usually when DH is "pottering" around the kitchen getting his lunch ready and stuff. It's not a very big kitchen so not ideal for 2 people to be trying to do things.

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

I've got a sling - which I used a lot a month or so ago (including BF'ing him in it). But he's taken a dislike to it, and I'm finding I can't manage to carry him around for long in it without getting really tired - not to meniton my arms are too short to get much stuff done with him "in front" of me (I couldn't even reach the tap in the sink this morning to fill DS1's water bottle up ).

[hunkermunker]

Can you try something?

I warn you now, I may sound patronising... I don't mean to be though!

Stop thinking too much about it.

Don't worry about tomorrow or the next day. Don't worry about the next feed or whether he'll sleep this afternoon or how he'll go to sleep or anything like that.

Babies are funny buggers, remember?

So, if he's happy having morning breastfeeds and afternoon breastfeeds and bottles the rest of the time, go with that.

Express a bit if you want/need to (but don't stress if you don't get much).

See how it goes. If you feel your milk supply's suffering and you feel then that you mind stopping breastfeeding, express between feeds and maybe start feeding him again in the mornings.

But take it as it comes a bit more - don't stress about future things and worry too much about having to have it all mapped out.

OK, the potentially-patronising bit's over You can kick me now

You're doing brilliantly, you know? It doesn't have to be perfect or plotted - I give you permission to go "meh" and shrug a bit more and say que sera sera

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

anyhow - my house looks like a pigsty - I need to go and try and tidy it up a bit before DH gets home. I shall be back with a (strong) Vodka and Apple Juice later..

[hunkermunker]

[Family Fortunes style buzzer] Get DH to make his lunch the night before

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

Okay.

Do you think maybe you are trying to do things the same as you have been for the last couple of years?

Perhaps you need to give yourself some slack, maybe change the way you do things a bit to take the pressure off?

I've only gone from one to two, so I dont know who 2 to 3 is, but I do know that trying to do things the same way with DS as I had with DD was a very difficult thing to stop doing. Simply because it just isnt possible. Things ARE different, whether we realise it or not. For a start, there are extra siblings involved.......

Do you see what I am getting at?

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

HM - he gets home at 9.30pm (ish - sometimes as late as 10.15). He then eats his dinner, gets changed, sorts his paperwork and takes over looking after DS3......including doing the "deathly hours" feed at sometime between 1.30-4am.......and he doesn't actually eat his lunch until about 4pm - don't think I'd like sandwiches prepared the night before at 4pm the following day.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

Same as you'd get in a supermarket though?

Can you get the boys involved in the exciting thing that is cleaning and tidying during the day? Star charts or other bribery?

DD is capable of making sandwiches...perhaps you can give that 'job' to one of them as a treat.....?

Just little things like that maybe?