Am I the only fool still BF a 1 year old on demand?

[Jenkeywoo]

I love DD so much but today my friend who has a baby the same age came round and of course her baby is all big and independent -FF so only two bottles a day - she even holds her own bottle. My friend just puts her in a cot and of course she warbles her way off to sleep nicely on her own. My DD... she gets tired and fed up, I BF her. She falls and bangs her head, I BF her. She gets upset as big sis nicks her toys, I BF her. Sometimes she just gets all 'unglued' so she comes to me for a quick 5 minute slurp then she's all restored and strong again. Basically if she asks, she gets. But she is taking the mick a bit in the evenings, BF's from about 7.3o-8.30, then wakes at about 9-DH settles her, then up again every half hour or so till about midnight. I must be a total sucker because I spend all night up and down the stairs till my nipple feels like it's gonna fall off, whilst my friend gets her evenings to herself. When is it reasonable to stop demand feeding DD?

[LaDiDaDi]

Whenever you want to, which, from your post, sounds like now .

[hoxtonchick]

i was still demand feeding my dd at this age. i stopped when she was 18 months. she has slept a lot better since i stopped bf. but do what's best for you & her.

[terramum]

Ds is 2yr 8months & still fed to sleep most nights, feeds when he has a bad knock, feeds when he is a bit nutty & needs calming down ....& IMO its normal to do all these things for as long as the child and mother are happy to do so.....and obviously if you dont want to then its ok to have some limits.

Have to ask though...were you happy doing it before your friend came round?

[Jenkeywoo]

I am happy throughout the day and really enjoy our little moments of calm when she snuggles down on my lap and sometimes DD1 perches on the edge of the armchair and we read books. But I am fed up with the evenings, she wakes up at least 5 times till midnight then will often sleep through till about 5am. I feel as if I demand feed in the day I cannot expect her not to demand feed in the evenings too. You're right though about feeling differently after seeing this friend - it's hard because my DD was born at 35 weeks and has developmental delay - only just sitting up really. Of course her DD who is 8 weeks younger is crawling and waving and clapping hands etc so seems a world away. I can't imagine not BF my little sausage but when she woke up about half an hour ago I made a real effort to not just get my boob out but to cuddle her down to sleep, so perhaps it's a bit of laziness on my part too. I don't know what I want! I want all the yummy cuddly bits of BF but without the up and down all night but I think I'm asking the impossible..

[Jenkeywoo]

I am happy throughout the day and really enjoy our little moments of calm when she snuggles down on my lap and sometimes DD1 perches on the edge of the armchair and we read books. But I am fed up with the evenings, she wakes up at least 5 times till midnight then will often sleep through till about 5am. I feel as if I demand feed in the day I cannot expect her not to demand feed in the evenings too. You're right though about feeling differently after seeing this friend - it's hard because my DD was born at 35 weeks and has developmental delay - only just sitting up really. Of course her DD who is 8 weeks younger is crawling and waving and clapping hands etc so seems a world away. I can't imagine not BF my little sausage but when she woke up about half an hour ago I made a real effort to not just get my boob out but to cuddle her down to sleep, so perhaps it's a bit of laziness on my part too. I don't know what I want! I want all the yummy cuddly bits of BF but without the up and down all night but I think I'm asking the impossible..

[flack]

BF is a relationship, you have to both be happy with it. It's not just about what she wants.

I think 1yo is okay to set some limits, if only for your own sanity. I nightweaned 2 of mine about that age, I still cuddled them to let them know they were loved as much as ever, just didn't offer up milk, too. They woke less after they knew milk wasn't on offer. I still kept bf on demand most of the day, though.

[chipmonkey]

Jenky, if you're a fool, I'm a bigger one! I'm feeding a 2 year old on demand and trying to get up the courage to go cold turkey!

[Tatties]

Jenk, you are not a fool! You are doing a wonderful thing for your child.

My ds is nearly 2yo, still feeding on demand day and night, and I know both how lovely and how draining it can be at times. The early evening restlessness is really tough for you isn't it? I think it is good your dd is sleeping from 12-5am though. We have been through phases like this but they didn't last. Ds still wakes through the night but the early evenings are much better than they used to be.

Of course breastfeeding is a two-way relationship, and you don't have to do it if you're not happy, but I often find that just having a moan to people who understand gets things in perspective and makes me feel not so bad about things after all

How do you feel about carrying on feeding in general? A really good book which lets you know what to expect is Mothering your Nursing Toddler.

[terramum]

With the evening feeds...could you let her doze with you on the sofa or in a travel cot & then when she wakes to feed again you arent going up & down the stairs....I did that with DS right up until he was nearer 2 years when he dropped his daytime nap & started going down for a longer stretch much earlier. That way he got all his evening "cluster" feeds, but I still got to relax downstairs in front of the tv or pc....Then when we went to bed at 11-12 he came up with us to his cot....I suppose it depends on how you want to spend your evenings and what time you go to bed....but I certainly found it much easier to keep him downstairs with us while he woke so often in the evening.

[Jenkeywoo]

Thank you for your ideas and inspiration - Tatties, you're right, it is nice to be able to have a good old moan without it meaning you want to stop BF. If you complain to non-BFeeders they instantly say -'time to stop now'! I think I might get that book about Bfing a toddler - I really do feel quite proud now that Heather is one, at my bosom buddies group today there were two or three newborns and all of sudden I felt as if I was a real old pro! I'm feeling more positive about the magic powers I possess today! This evening after dinner heather was in a real state and too upset for her bath so I let her have literally a minute or so at the breast and after that she was back to normal and able to have her bath happily. Magic powers!

[FrannyandZooey]

I fed on demand until ds was 2 and he was VERY demanding

I think you can change things if you want to, but if a child is wanting a lot of milk it is probably not the best time to make changes....

I think if you are happy you are doing the right thing then it can make life so much easier to just go with the flow

and you ARE doing a great thing

[dandasmummy]

My DD2 is 18 months, and I still feed her on demand during the day (she's not so demanding anymore though) but have just recently stopped feeding during the night. She usually sleeps through now . I still feed her at bedtime, and first thing in the morning, so get the lovely, cuddly time then.

[Jacanne]

I am feeding a 2 year old more or less on demand - so if you're a fool....

[friendlyedjit]

I came to a halt with feeding on demand at 2 1/2years, have no idea but one night just decided it was enough. I had been up every night probably every 2 hours, and because have little reserve as working hard during day needed to prioritise the little sleep I had left. I'm sure could have trained to decrease night feeding but didn't have it in me at the time.So a complete break really was necessary.
I missed feeding dreadfully for a few weeks probably still do..but dd3 is sleeping better, tells me that my diddy's are now broken and doesn't want them anyway!!and I'm sure it was the best thing for her and, probably for me...........

I think the time for stopping bf is when it feels right for you. Best of luck

[DontlookatmeImshy]

I still feed ds-18months on demand, he still has a feed to help him get to sleep etc. There have been times when I've though I need to cut back but over the last few months when he's been ill,twice with d&v and now reacting tohis MMR it's been a life-saver for both of us so I'm carryingon for now.

[lemonaid]

It sounds to me as though your only "problem" is the repeated waking between 8.30 and midnight (which then leads to more demands), rather than the demand feeding as such. What happens if your DH tries to settle her on those occasions?

[Jenkeywoo]

lemonaid I think you've hit the nail on the head.. DH can settle her but it takes about half an hour and then often she is up again 5 mins later, we tend to take it in turns to settle her and I have to say I'm probably not helping myself as I get bored after 5 mins of squirming and crying and end up feeding her again - silly mummy

[lemonaid]

I suspect (though no guarantees) that if you take several days of having your DH settle your DD in the evening without your involvement they will be fairly hellish days for your DH but within a week or so she'll start settling and sleeping better in the evenings. Over the month or so before DS turned 2 he'd started waking and nursing frequently (although at the other end of the night -- between 2 and 6 am) and we did that and he now sleeps through (mostly).

[laundrylover]

Hi Jenkeywoo,I am feeding DD2 on demand at 1 year and it's new to me too as I stopped bfing at 8 monmths the first time round. Our nights have just started to get better and I've started to notice that sometimes she just doesn't want any boob, just a pat and a shhhh is needed. It's the same in the day as she can be apart from me all day and never bother but feeds a few times a day when we are together.

Anyway I'm just rambling but what I'm trying to say is that at this point you can set some rules if you like. Last night dd2 went to bed with DP and a cup of cow's milk as I was out and it felt like a big milestone. I do want to carry on bfing (she is my last child etc.) but not be a slave to it. In a few weeks I'm having a night away and she will be fine with cow's milk I know. The way forward is to keep your boobs hidden in the evenings, put your feet up and let DH do all the settling....it's the only way tell him!

[laundrylover]

Crossed posts lemonaid but think we agree that poor DH has to do all the work for a few weeks.

[LittleEasterLapin]

Another fool here!

But we are lucky as DS sleeps straight through for 12 hours - whoo hoo! Doesn't nap much though...

And if I have a bath with him (pretty much every other night), he wanders up and helps himself to a snack!

[FrannyandZooey]

Oh god breastfeeding in the bath

it's so full on and fleshy

ds was very fond of it and when he got to about 3 dp and I would have to look the other way, it was just Too Much

[TooTicky]

All my 4 were/are bf on demand at 12m. It is more demanding than (established) independence but so much more rewarding. Sometimes I've hit saturation phases but they pass. I bf mine for 2.5 years, 1.5 years, nearly 3 years and still going strong at 21m.

[Sez23]

don't they bite? mine started at five months, and it hurt so much i just had to stop