I need some support for b-feeding!

[Pinchypants]

Hello girlies,
I don't post very often but I could do with some support from this wonderful forum. DD, my first, is now five months old and I am getting on really well with breastfeeding now after some initial battles with large boobs, small nipples that point outwards (never noticed until I tried to feed a small person with them!), lots of pain in the first few weeks, mastitis, and a baba with a slight tongue tie. I was committed to BF, though, cos me and DH both have proper allergies to nuts and some other foods, as well as the full range of mild ezcema, asthma, and hayfever between us and all the guidance I have had/read says six months exclusive BF is the way to go. I'm really happy BF but all my peers/friends are now bottle feeding baby for various reasons, not always through choice, and I feel really lonely! I have a couple of friends who BFs their babies till a year old, but they were demand-fed babies and we're on a baby whisperer routine, so I feel a bit between two camps and I don't feel I have anyone to talk to or much support. I feel I have to justify still BFing DD to everyone, including DH, who I think understands why this is the best thing for DD at the moment, but still mutters about bottles and formula sometimes, and I feel a little uncomfortable whipping a boob out even in the company of friends because no-one else is. I am committed to continuing BFing until DD is a year old, since it seems pointless to switch to formula for a matter of weeks when she will be dropping feeds after we introduce solids anyway, but I could really do with some messages of support. I never expected to get to the stage when I was enjoying BFing, and I also never expected to feel under pressure to give up!
Thanks for reading.
Pinchy xxx

[nothercules]

I felt like I was the only person in the world feeding a 7 month old child until I went to a la leche meeting. It was so wonderful to no longer be the only one I knwe. There are lots of mums on mumsnet who breastfeed and this might be a good place to feel you're not alone

[belgo]

You're absolutely not alone - I'm still bfing my 16 month old having planned to stop at one year, but I haven't stopped because she has eczema and and I want her to have the maximum possible protection, similar to you!

Your dh will support you, especially as he does know it's the best thing for his child.

[beansprout]

I think you are doing brilliantly. It's not easy which makes what you are doing such an achievement. This one is your decision, and yours alone. As a mother, you are allowed to decide what is best for your children! There is a huge amount of information out there on the benefits of b/feeding. Unfortunately, our relatives, GPs, HVs and friends don't always read it! In this country we don't really seem to have a culture that is very supportive of breastfeeding which is a terrible shame.

It is entirely up to you what you do, but if you want some reaons to carry on this is a fab website.

There are loads of us on here who have carried on. I don't know anyone in real life who is still feeding a toddler but on MN, I am never alone!

Good luck

[sunnywong]

good for you for getting this far, keep going for as long as it suits you and your dd.

FWIW I bf ds1 til he was 16 months and ds2 til her was 2

I did give them bottles ( SMA for ds1 - dont know why know I look back on it, at 9 months and cows' milk at 12 months for ds2) but kept up the night time feeds.
if you really feel pressured you could thnk about doing that somewhere down the track and keep the nightime feeds as they are so, so very fabulous for both of you.

Don't give up just because some people think you should. It really is none of their business at all.

[Belgianchox]

HI Not much advice from personal experience to offer - I bf 4 months for each of my children, but I should think it will improve loads around 6mths as you introduce solids you will automatically be feeding less. Keep it up, it;'s a great gift for your baby!

[percypig]

You're doing really well! Sounds like you've managed brilliantly so far without much support and are confident in your reasons for breastfeeding.

Just to encourage you - my DS is 9 months old and I'm still bfeeding him. We started blw at 6 months and since then he's dropped a feed so I'm now just feeding him 3 times a day, this means that there are fewer occasions when I need to bf in public (not that it bothered me after the first few months). I'm quite a routine person, read the babywhisperer and another well known expert and kind of made up my own from that, so I guess like you I'm between 'two camps' as well!

I wonder why you feel you need to 'justfy' breasfeeding? Do friends and family ask about it? Anyway - keep going and most of all enjoy the closeness with your DD

[CanSleepWellSometimes]

Bravo for you PinchyPants, and keep up the good work .

All my RL friends gave up at 6 months (or before) too, but I'm still going at 11 months (not that dd offers me any choice in the matter ). MIL is quite ignorant about it, but other than that I've only been congratulated for continuing.

I figure if strangers want to look at me funny when I'm out then they're probably just jealous that my DD is getting such a good start in life . Either that or they're jealous of my enormous norks .

[monkeymonkeymoomoo]

I am still BF at 11mths, I get similar comments to you which does make it hard but I know in my heart and mind that i am doing the right thing (and my DH is supportive which is always good). Can't recommend a BF support group enough, they do make you feel normal and not some lentil growing basket weaving hippy

[USAUKMum]

You are doing fab. I bf my CD till 15mths & 16mths. I just used to say I was too lazy to bother with the sterilising, keeping track of how many spoonfuls of formula powder, calculating how much to make etc. After all, for bf all you need is well you . Keep going as long as you want. It is good for the baby & good for you!

[yellowrose]

pinchy - well done for getting this far with bf and also for looking for support

MN and your local groups such as LLL will do wonders for your confidence. I also attended my local LLL for about a year. It was wonderful to be in a room full of bf mums for a couple hours a week ! There are also many Baby Cafes opening around the UK, so this would be another place to visit to get a boost.

My best advice is: please stop taking any notice of what any one says (even well meaning people like your DH and relatives).
It is your baby and your body.

There are very good scientific reasons why it is recommended by WHO, UNICEF nad others that you bf excl. until 6 months. I think the main health orgs. in fact recommend that you continue up to 2 years, OR AS LONG AS YOU AND BABY WISH TO DO SO.

I am still bf my toddler DS who just turned two and a half. I also thought that one of us would have given up by now, but we both still enjoy it, so why give up ?

I have had many strange comments from people who have not bf at all or for extended periods of time, including my own mother.

My personal experience with bf was that it was hard at first, but it just got better and better. Your post sounds like you also enjoy bf.

As for health and emotional reasons, I can not express enough how wonderful it will be for your baby to only give her breastmilk until she is 6 months old, esp. as you have allergies in the family.

I also have heyfever, which is why I was extra cautious with excl. bf and the kinds of solids DS received after 6 months.

Please come back here for more info. about your local bf groups or a chat. There are many mums and experts here ready to help

[kiskidee]

i only met the first person who was bfing when my dd was 15 months old and her dd was coming up to a year. i think the isolation though lonely, spared me peer pressure to give up but then the isolation also brings its own hosts of issues. not necessarily feeding ones.

you don't have to justify the what and how you feed your dd to anyone. just inform yourself about the multitude of benefits for breastfeeding to a year and beyond and you will feel better about it.

i was at a new years party at the neighbours a few days ago and dd, now 20 months, crawled up on my lap and lifted my top right up in front of about a dozen women who i don't know so well and only one of who i know has bf to 6 months. there was a look of shock all round and silence. all i said was, oh, its a good thing i am wearing a vest. to everyone's relief (i think) and laughter.

i feel i have made the right choice for my dd and myself for a host of reasons and that is the most important thing in the world. the last time she was really poorly a couple months ago. bfing was the only thing she would 'eat' for a couple days and it was a relief to me to know that i could comfort and feed her all at the same time. it saves a lot of worrying, i tell you.

below are a couple links for you to read. show it to dh who is probably secretly proud it sounds but if he has any doubts, they may allay them.

all i say, forget peer pressure. i think half of the problem is the pressure we think others are putting on us when really, they probably don't really give a monkey's.


dr jack newman his handouts on bfing a toddler and the ones on bf myths are priceless.

101 reasons to breastfeed

[laundrylover]

Pinchypants (love that name!), well done you and keep up the good work. I stopped feeding DD1 at 8 months and had been pressured into mixed feeding too but with DD2 I am still sole bfing at 9 months despite constant battles with thrush (ouch).

I am really proud of myself for sticking to my guns and intend to keep on going as am not having any more babies and am rather enjoying the no periods bit too!! I start my bfing peer support training on Monday through our local Surestart and am really excited about it - is there any chance you could do something like this in your area?

BTW we did BLW this time and so I'm still feeding on demand but that said she is quite happy to go all day without if I'm not there - does BLW fit in with routine babies?

[2Happy]

Congratulations on doing as well as you have, and on enjoying it too. I started badly with ds with cracks etc, and I don't know when I started to enjoy it, but I did, so much that when I got to a year (always said I'd bf for a year) I couldn't stop. ds self-weaned when he was 15m. Most people were too polite to comment, but you can always tell what they're thinking "what, you still haven't given up?!". But I knew I was doing what was best for ds, and what we both enjoyed (well apart from the phases of biting he went through from time to time!).
ds was also more routine-driven. I didn't follow any particular routine, we both just fell into it, but I liked that he never had to cry from hunger. By the time he was established on solids, he was bfing 3 times a day IIRC so really not a big deal.
Anyway, sorry for the witter, just congratulations, and keep it up for as long as you both want to

[shazronnie]

Give yourself a pat on the back and carry on as long as you like!

You will know when is the right time to stop, for you and DD.

I was pressured a little into mixed feeding with DS1, but resisted with DS2 and I fed him until 20mths.

DS1 has terrible excema, and possible asthma BTW - might be a coincidence, but DS2 is strong as an ox!

[yellowrose]

kiskidee - I agree I think for many of the mums I meet at playgroup, etc bf beyond a certain point in time has a kind of shock and awe value, but I don't think they intend to be shocked, it's just that they don't know any one who bf (most of the women I have met in my playgroup pretty much formula fed from day on).

They are always very polite and the first time they ever found out that DS is still bf (I don't bf in public now as DS is too busy in playgroup and so he can't be bothered with mummy's boobs any way!) all they talked about was the "Extraordinary" programme on tv last year, but again they were very polite.

Funnily enough the weirdest comments I have received have been from close family and friends, but I have learnt how to deal with these too. I just say someting humorous and that sort of puts an end to the conversation

[StinkyPete]

my dd is 11m. our baby friends are those we met at bf support group, but i'm the only one still bf-ing. i was feeling just like you yesterday; we were at a playbarn and two others had a bottle, whilst dd had bf. i feel happy in my decision tho and feel that i am v discreet.
hope you find the longer you continue the much confident you get. you're doing brilliantly

[sar123]

if you are feeling conscious of bf in public or in front of friends etc could you try expressing and bottle feeding sometimes?? Am totally with you in that the older and bigger my dd has got the more difficult feeding in public has become.

if you continue to breast feed when you start weaning you will gradually do less feeds every day anyway, so that makes life a bit easier.

i could be wrong but if you introduced formula once you got to six months, but continued to breast feed for a couple of feeds a day, won't you will continue to give your dd the benefits and protection from breast milk even though she is getting some of her feeds from formula???? that way you have some flexibility.

[Judy1234]

Depends where you live I suppose. I have rarely seen a bottle fed baby! Try something like a la leche league meeting. I being the sort of person that I am had 5 chidlren and couldn't wait for someone to criticise my breastfeeding and I never got the chance to have that conversation... sob... Presumably they can't really see anything anyway because it's usually under the shirt etc. but can't you see this as your role as an activist, helping to make people realise this is normal in lots of groups of mothers in the UK today and help get it accepted by making them see the error of their ways as it were.

[LadyClaret]

Hi. I have a six week old baby who weighs over 11 lbs. I was hoping that someone could give me some advice before the pain is too much and I give up bf. I am experiencing deep hot pain in my breast during and after feeding. The pain is linked to M's jaw on my breast. He has a very strong suck. It is worse in one breast which has beign lumps. The pain radiates across my breast into my armpit and sometimes into my back. M< has also become agitated on this breast- pulling off and crying. I have then put him on the other breast and he calms down. I have similar pain in the other breast but not as severe. The HV diag over the phone that is was thrusy and org some cream for us both. I was wondering if anyone had similar problems or could give some advice. He was very good at latching on from the start and puts on around 8oz a week. I have tried expressing but with not much success.

[yellowrose]

Xenia - where do you live that has such a fab bf rate ? No bottle fed babies, very rare over here in London.

I see mostly bottle feeding when I go out to the shops, restaurants, etc. I know there are loads of bf mums in London, I just hardly ever see any in public, which is a shame.

[popsycal]

you are doing brilliantly
don't let others put you off - do what you and your dd want to do.
Dpn't wprry about the muttering

[yellowrose]

Lady - that sounds like thrush to me. The baby pulling off has a sore mouth. Oh, it's so bloody painful for both of you !

DS and I got the damned thing when he was 3 months old. Please read the BFN leaflet on this. It's on their website. They recommend immediate treatment with Daktarin oral gel for baby's mouth (buy it in any big chemist, no need to see a doctor) and also treat your nipples. Don't forget to treat baby's mouth AND your nipples. If you just treat one of you, you just keep cross-infecting.

You can use Daktarin on your nipples too or Canestan cream. Most HV's and GP's recommend Nystan. My personal experience is that Nystan isn't as good as Daktarin. They have done a study that shows Daktarin is more effective.

Oh, dear, thrush is so common now. Please don't feel you have to give up because of it. It does go away.

If you need more advice, please start another thread more people will see it and will give more help

[laundrylover]

Lady, yes do start another thread I think but as a long term thrush sufferer this time around I would really recommend Exspore tablets, one a day keeps mine at bay but it returns when I stop taking them. If you search my name and 'thrush' lots of stuff will come up over the past months.

[LadyClaret]

Hi thanks for the advice. Feeling quite down about it at the moment. Not sure if the beign breast lumps are making the problem much worse in the left breast bec the right is not as painful. Laundry lover -Did you have hot pain whilst you were feeding bec the leaflet only mentioned it after feeding

[hunkermunker]

LadyClaret, if I was you, I'd start another thread about this so you get more help - I'll come and post on it and see if I can suggest anything (I'll have a think and if you don't see this and start a thread, I'll post on here anyway).