How can I stop bf DS when thats how he gets to sleep? Please help

[ClariceBeanthatsme]

So DS is 16 months old and I'm starting to think about possibly stopping bf soon but I really don't know how.
He's never taken a bottle or a dummy and the only way he can fall asleep is either me bf him/a walk or car journey. I know this is totally my fault because I made him this way.
But I'm starting to think I have no options because its going to get cold soon and I'm not walking the streets in November freezing cold to get him to sleep so do I need to keep bf him until there comes a time when he will stop on his own and has the ability to get to sleep on his own?
So how do I actually get him to sleep if I stop bf? What else is there? We co-sleep and I'm really not a fan of any kind of CC or CIO etc
Can anyone offer any advice or been in a similar situation and what did you do?

[DrJuno]

What kind of bedtime routine do you have?

My DS was always fed to sleep - bath, story then a feed then sleep. Sometimes he would feed to sleep and sometimes he would be sleepy but not quite there and would drop off in the cot.

He always hated both bottles and dummies so I really didn't have anything else to offer him.

When he was around 18 months old my nephew came to stay, who was 2 years older and had a dummy. DS took a liking to his dummy so I leapt at the chance and was finally able to use the dummy to start to settle him.

I then found out that although he hated milk or formula in a bottle he would take very weak tea from a sippy cup.

Once I had incorporated the tea and the dummy into the routine I took the plunge. I decided to only bf when he asked for it - I did this for a couple of weeks and then suddenly at 19 months he stopped asking. A week later he was weaned!

Does any of this sound possible for you?

[ClariceBeanthatsme]

Similar bedtime routine...bath, story with DD (3) then I put DD in her bed and take DS either to my bed or downstairs and feed to sleep. For daytime nap I walk him in his pushchair.
He absolutely hates his cot, he hates cows milk (tried warming it for him) and he hates dummies.
Sometimes when he is asleep on me I take him up to his cot but the second he wakes up and realises where he is he goes mad!
I don't want to speak ill of him but he's super clingy and at the moment is feeding about as many times as a tiny baby he reeaally loves bf.
People joke about them being weaned off the breast by the time they go to college...im not so sure

[Madamecastafiore]

I feed dd and then give her to DH awake and he gets her t sleep. She is fine with this and knows she not going to get milk from him so he at first just rocked her to sleep, now we are ding controlled crying and she goes to sleep within 20 minutes after he puts her in her cot.

He can only feed to sleep from yu so just give hi to someone else to put him to bed.

[DrJuno]

I would tackle the issues separately, maybe work on how he is with the cot first. Does he nap in the cot?

Do you bf to sleep for naps too?

He may well just grow out of it - honestly at 16 months DS was exactly the same, plus never napped in the cot either. Suddenly by 19 months one by one each bit got better - nap in the cot, then take the dummy, then a warm bedtime drink and then just dropped the feeding almost overnight.

[Politelydeclining]

I stopped bf-ing about the same age. My DC cried for 20mins the first night and then 10 the next night and then settled down quite happily the night after that.

My DH sat in the bedroom making quiet comforting noises but not lifting our DC (I went out for my first night out in 16 months) it was easier that I wasn't there.

[FavaBeanPyramidScheme]

I think you are me in 8 months time . I bf DS to sleep for naps and at bedtime and we co-sleep for the night AND NAPS ! I keep wondering how / when this will change. I don't want to use dummies or CIO / CC. I've no idea what to do, I just wanted to say "me too"!

[ChazzerChaser]

I just do things as and when really. It's a gradual thing. So he used to feed to sleep, now he feeds, goes in his cot awake, faffs for a bit, then sleeps. I wait with him. We've got there in little steps just doing what he's ready for, no dramas, no 'training', just being led by what he's ready to do. It doesn't matter what you've 'made him like'. He's malleable. You can start to do different. Just gradually shift what you do, if you need to do things differently. Do what sits well with you and don't beat yourself up about it. He'll get there with patience and kindness. That's what I've found anyway.

[leedy]

Same as ChazzerChaser, DS1 stopped feeding to sleep so gradually/without drama that I honestly can't remember if we did anything specific or whether he just did it himself. DS2 still feeds to sleep at bedtime but is reasonably amenable to going to sleep without if I'm not there.

[BocaDeTrucha]

I'm in the same boat with ds (10m) who feeds to sleep. Every night is a gamble as to whether he will wake up when I put him in the cot or not!!!!! There is absolutely no way he will stay lying down in the cot if he's not asleep!!! Naps are always done in the pushchair with generally lots of rocking to send him off.

I love the idea of him just generally weaning himself off it but I just can't see it somehow!!

[BranchingOut]

It will be absolutely fine - I was still feeding my DS to sleep till he was nearly two before I decided to change things. It happened gradually and he is now so happy to get into bed each night. I am so pleased that we never did controlled crying or similar.

What helped for us was:

Changing to a bed - bf him lying in the bed, me sitting beside, then did gradual retreat over the course of about a year until I was out in the hallway.

Introducing another sleep cue -there is a lovely, very slow, CD on Amazon called 'Lullaby'. Don't get any of the tinkly Mozart ones, it needs to be slowwwww... He absolutely loved it and it really helped. Other people use 'magic lanterns' or light projectors at this point.

[RubyrooUK]

Checking in to reply later as in same situation as you, OP, but this is child two who has been rampant breastfeeder into toddlerdom.

Will offer my advice from DC1 and then sympathise over our experiences with DC2!

[Miren]

"I know this is totally my fault because I made him this way."

Please don't think that. You've been a fabulous mother allowing him to follow his natural instincts and you will be rewarded with a confident, secure little person.

Don't worry too much about the bedtime feed - he will grow out of it

[Miren]

My DS self weaned at 16 months - out of the blue, and I miss (easy to say now) those sleepy, milky smiles before he drifted off. Treasure them

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

Why stop. Why does it matter. DD2 BF to sleep (or more aless asleep as she got too heavy to carry up stairs) long after she started school if I was about.

If I was out she went to bed, without worrying.

[SaveTheMockingBird]

I still very occassionally breastfeed my nearly 4yr old to sleep. Infact she fed to sleep last night as she was so tired and also had fallen over and grazed both her knees badly. Only the feeding calmed her down and fell asleep in an instant at bedtime too.
She can sleep without feeding definitely and it just comes through maturity. I find that staying with her and holding her hand helps her to sleep. They slowly start being able to go to sleep on their own, just becuase they sometimes feed to sleep doesn't mean they can't get to sleep on their own too. Once DD was about 2yrs it was a mix of feeding to sleep or holding her hand/rubbing her back.